the quarantine diaries | Narry Storan AU

day 1

"Hello, Theo.

I just didn't have anyone else for whom I could write this diary. I don't wanna write it for myself. I feel like it's a dumb thing to have a diary for yourself. I feel insecure all the time. And I guess I'd burn this book with two days of quarantine, so don't worry about that. I'm not writing for Theo, the Theo Horan, son of my brother. I'm writing for the future Theo, so he can understand why I ran away from everyone.

I didn't run away in a literal thing. But you'll soon know what I mean.

It's my first day of self-quarantine. Everyone here in England is locked up at their houses, government ordered us to. Coronavirus is being spread in such a fast speed and there's nothing else we can do to control it. So I'm home, alone, while my second album Heartbreak Weather is in its first week of release and I know it's not going to be a massive hit just because of the virus. I had everything planned to make people know my new body of work. 

I guess I'll take live streams on Instagram as the only type of promotion I can do now.

Self-quarantine sucks. It's the first day in my entire life that I woke up sad because I'm forced to stay at home and I'm not happy with that. Yesterday I had lots of plans. I was thinking about taking drawing lessons on internet. Acting sessions on that thing that always appears on YouTube ads called "Master Classes". Natalie Portman is teaching everyone how to act. I'd like to learn it.

But the first thing that came into my mind today was Harry Styles. And now my entire day is fucked up just because of the memories of him coming back to me all the time.

I hate it. I hate the fact that I'll soon start missing him. Guess it's part of the healing, right? Yeah. But I already wrote lots of songs in this album about the feelings I had after the end of the relationship. I thought that was healing enough for me. Thought I'd be okay at the end of the album, but now, alone at home, with, literally, nothing else to do, I think about him and the fact that, to this date, I still don't know why he broke up with me. And I also still don't know if any of the songs on Fine Line are about me.

But something inside me is screaming: "you don't wanna know how many songs he wrote about you". And I feel like this something inside me is right.

I'm playing that Rihanna song called "Russian Roulette" while writing this letter. I guess you can say how sad I am now, right? I hate this part of a post-breakup when you don't know what to do, so you mourn the relationship you had. I need something else to do. Guess I'll ask my followers what kind of random things I can do - I'm good at pretending I just don't wanna think about someone else.

Hope I feel better tomorrow.

Love, Niall."

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[author's notes]

hope y'all like this idea. i know it sounds crazy - and it is.