the quarantine diaries | Narry Storan AU

day 27

"I texted him.

I know, I know. When you grow up, you'll read all these letters and in this specific one about my 26th day of quarantine, you'll yell at me because I was dumb enough to do that. I'm not even going to create a whole argument to defend myself, Theo. I'm fucking guilty for being so weak.

I won't say I was crying. I won't say I was listening to sad songs that I wrote myself. I won't say I was listening to his songs or something like that. I won't say I had better things to do.

But I'm already saying all these things. Sorry.

The phone was in my hands. I was laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for something else to happen in my life. And then a dumb neuron on my brain made me think, "a simple SMS never killed nobody". And then I opened the iMessage app, and then I saw his name.

And then I sent "Harold". Because, deep in my mind, I thought he would feel something by that.

But two seconds later, I felt the regret. I cried even more for being so dumb to the point of texting my ex just because I feel alone in this quarantine.

You could have called Liam, shit.

You could have called your family, shit.

You could have called anyone but him. Shit.

Not even one single happy song was capable of making me happy too. I felt like shit.

This was an hour ago. Still haven't received an answer. I'm panicking. Not in the "panic attack" meaning, but my heart is beating really fast and I've been pacing back and forth my own bedroom, trying to come up with some dumb excuse to tell him if he texts me back.

Help me. Say something, Theo.

It's useless to ask your help, I know. You're still a child for now. But if you read this once you grow up, what would you do in my place?

Love, Niall."