the quarantine diaries | Narry Storan AU

day 62, harry's e-mail

"Hi, Niall.

It's been long days without you. But I'm trying to keep holding on for our own sake. Sometimes I wonder if it would be good for you to wake up right now, because the world is a mess. The USA is coming close to 100,000 cases of coronavirus or something like that, while more than 10,000 died in Brazil and the UK is still in self-isolation in all its forms. I think you'd be so scared, Horan. Just like I'm scared now, just like I turn off the TV every time the breaking news segment of the channels come up on air.

It's easy to scare you. And I know it more than anybody else does. Maybe your brother knows how everything used to scare you when you were younger, but I know you're a grown man. Those little things, they don't scare you anymore - ghosts, clowns, threats, rollercoasters. You are Niall James Horan, and you have big fears. Metaphorical fears, non-physical fears, emotional fears. And I know every single one of them.

I could make a whole list about it. But I guess it would make me look like a psycho - a thing that I'm not.

I must admit, I'm not that good with letters. I'm better at writing songs, expressing my feelings through notes, chords and harmonies. All those things that make a full song and that give the song some kind of depth. I think you're aware of it. For your information, the only person who ever received a letter from me was my first crush, back when I was 10 and I thought I was deeply in love with this person.

Of course I was dumped.

So, yeah, you're the second person to receive something that I'm writing. And I think I suck at this. But I keep on trying, because I want you to know all the things I've done while you're in this motherfucking coma, waiting for something else to wake you up.

Wish I could go there and help you. But I can't. So I do what's possible for the moment.

My mom called me today. She asked me about how I'm dealing with this quarantine, and I must say, I had a good time chatting with her. She's my everything, I feel like I can tell her anything about me and my life. Whenever I believe I'm overthinking something, I call her. 

She asked me about you, too. 

I didn't know what to say. Your family still hasn't told me anything about your health state or something like that. Everything I know, I know because of the news on internet. Our fans pray for your peace every single day, they have raised hashtags in your name - and I think that's beautiful of them to do it, right? It means they care about you. 

You're not a disaster, Niall. I know you told me that hundreds of times, but you're not a failure. You've got people who love you, no matter what. So, please, be strong. If not for us, then do it for yourself.

Love, H."