the quarantine diaries | Narry Storan AU

day 24

"Hi, Theo.

I honestly only know it's the day 24 of my self-isolation because I searched for it on Google.

I honestly only know that I've been the most useless man in the entire England because I saw the news on TV about people volunteering themselves to help other people in such hard times like these.

I honestly only know how much needy I'm feeling because I decided to tell you an old story today.

Back in 2015. It was the very early stages of my relationship with Harry.

(Yes. I'm talking about him today.)

We couldn't go out on a date in public because our fans were already smart enough to chase us everywhere. It was weird. I never felt good about it - and this is actually one of the reasons why they never figured out about my romance with him -, the part of sharing with my fans something that I knew that could be badly received by some of them, the part of sharing such a personal part of my life that I didn't want to slide away from me.

(Yes. I'm listening to Slide Away by Miley Cyrus while I'm writing this.)

But he wanted to take me on a date. He wanted me to feel good around him in a place where no one could see us and tell everyone something like, "oh my God, Narry is real!". So he made some changes in his own hotel bedroom; there was a table for two near the bed, the TV was on playing some romantic song from the 1970s and the whole room was lit up only by candles. 

I almost cried. No one ever did something like that for me, I remember this being my first thought when he invited me to his bedroom and I went there with no expectations. Because this is how things work with Harold: you should never expect anything. Better: expect yourself to be surprised by the things he can do for you. That night was everything for me. We danced. We laughed. We shared intimate thoughts with no judgement. We kissed each other. We shared the same bed for a while, because we wanted to watch each other sleep in a slow motion-like view.

Sleep came first for him, and I ended up watching him sleeping. I heard his low snores. I saw the little dimples on his cheeks, because he fell into sleep with a grin on his face. And I smiled back. And I closed my eyes, and I kissed his forehead. And I left the room because I didn't think we were allowed to sleep together - at least, not yet.

I knew soon One Direction would end. And there would be no more good morning kisses, no more nights like that one. We wouldn't be on the road together anymore. I had fears. I thought we would end along with the band. And I thought I didn't deserve him and the end we were about to have.

Of course I was fucking wrong. He made me deserve his presence in my life, and suddenly the world was made of only two people: him and I.

Now this world doesn't exist anymore. 'Cause we're not a world together. We're not together.

And now I'm crying. Great, Niall. Great.

Love, Niall."