Not This Time

Anger

Claude was right.

Byleth simply hadn't expected her first emotion to be negative. She had daydreamed about the scenario so many times; she'd be with her father, experiencing happiness as they conversed together, or she'd live through the rush of battle. She had pictured excitement at getting a present or joy from saving people's lives.

Instead, her first emotion-what she'd been asking for her whole life- had been anger.

Byleth didn't know what to make of it.

A part of her had been missing her whole life. Byleth had always longed to experience emotions that everyone else did, even if they were negative, but she hadn't expected it to happen like this. She didn't expect it to happen because of a mere boy. As much as she hated it, it was true; Claude had sparked her very first emotion.

How had he done it?

Why was being overtaken in battle so infuriating? Byleth knew it hurt more because he was the one who had specifically been seeking her out. It hurt because Byleth knew she had simply been outsmarted.

Even now she was being outwitted. Claude had left purposely, and was now long gone after he had made a valid point. He knew that leaving her here would only infuriate her more, making her experience the feeling even further.

Byleth thanked him for doing so. His departure meant Byleth could feel for even longer. She took this fury and reveled in it, holding onto it inside of her soul. Fury built up in her; she couldn't lose this emotion, even if it wasn't what she had expected. She had lived her entire life without a single feeling; she wasn't going to lose it now.

Being angry was better than feeling nothing.

But even though Claude had left, she could feel her anger slowly subsiding. It was being replaced by the emptiness that had constantly filled her entire being. Please, no. Since he was gone, and he had been right, there was no reason for her to be angry.

But Byleth didn't want to be left in apathy again.

She quickly got to her feet, desperately looking around. Surely Claude hadn't gone far. She needed him back; she didn't care how much he bothered her. He had made her feel something, even if it was fury and annoyance. She needed to know how he had done it...but he was nowhere in sight.

He had headed left. Byleth swiftly began running in that general direction, hoping she'd be able to catch up with him. Past the greenhouse, Byleth darted up the stairs to see him walking towards the Officer's Academy. She sprinted towards him, and the loud pounding of her feet alerted him of her presence. Claude turned around, an amused look on his face, unaware that Byleth was unable to stop her momentum from her run. She tried to hurriedly skid to a halt, but her momentum carried her and she promptly crashed into him.

They both toppled over, and Claude groaned as she accidentally elbowed him in the face. They were a mess of limbs as Byleth slowly sat herself up, rolling off of him. Students pointed at them in confusion, whispering to their friends quietly.

"Sorry," Byleth muttered as Claude sat up, rubbing his cheek with one hand. He grimaced at her blank features.

"It's okay," Claude told her, watching as she slowly stood up. "I cut you during the battle, I suppose it's fair."

"True," Byleth shrugged. She knew she was supposed to be worried about his safety, but she couldn't even feel concern for him. How awful was that? He had enabled her to feel angry, and she couldn't even be worried for him. She held out her hand, and he looked at it warily. "Come on. Let's talk somewhere more private."

He raised a brow at her, but took her hand. She pulled him up with overwhelming strength, making him stumble forward as he almost toppled over again.

"So strong," Claude righted himself, brushing off his uniform. "Alright, Teach. Why don't you follow me?"

He walked in the direction of the Officer's Academy, heading into the Golden Deer classroom. Byleth hesitated; it felt wrong to enter another room. But Claude was expecting her, so she stepped in, closing the door behind her.

"How did you make me feel something?" Byleth immediately demanded, turning around to face him. He was sitting on a desk, twirling an arrow diligently.

"I don't know," Claude shrugged. "I didn't know you even lacked emotions. Thanks for that bit of information, by the way."

Byleth bristled, irritated by her carelessness. Then, her eyes widened.

There it was again; anger.

"You did it again!" Byleth exclaimed in disbelief, enjoying the red hot fury that flowed through her veins. "I don't get it. I've had far worse things happen to me than this, but why does this make me angry, and not the other stuff?"

He merely continued to twirl the arrow in his hand, shrugging once again. Byleth looked down at herself, and then back up to him.

"...What is it about you that enables me?" Byleth questioned, nearing him with suspicion. Claude glanced up to her, his brow raised. "What's so special about you..?"

"I could say the same thing," Claude countered, his smile never reaching his eyes. "Seems we both need each other for something, then."

Byleth narrowed her eyes at him, but she knew he had nothing to tell her. He didn't know why he specifically had angered her. She could feel the fury ebbing away again, and she suddenly grasped onto his arm in desperation.

She could feel him tense up at her grasp, the smile dropping from his features as he stared at her warily. A desperate look bubbled over on Byleth's face as she clutched onto his arm.

"I want to feel again," Byleth demanded, and Claude slowly peeled her fingers off of his arm. She folded her hands behind her back crossly. "Please."

"I don't know how to help you," Claude reminded her, a slow, sympathetic frown creeping back onto his face now that she wasn't touching him. "I don't know why you don't have emotions, how am I supposed to help you find them?"

That was a question Byleth couldn't answer.

She slumped downward, collapsing onto her knees dejectedly. The rage had faded by now; all she was left with was the familiar void of desolation. She couldn't blame him, she couldn't thank him. She couldn't do anything; the longing for emotions grew even stronger as it slipped away from her grasp.

All she was left to do was wonder.

Why do I feel because of you?