Lovebug~Alec Lightwood

Chapter Eighteen-Stay With Me ✓

"Oh, won't you stay with me?
'Cause you're all I need
This ain't love, it's clear to see
But darling, stay with me"
-Sam Smith

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I walked through the hallways, not knowing where I was truly going. After mine and Alec's fight a few minutes prior, I felt in a worse mood. If that was possible.
"Hey" I heard Izzy.
Turning on my heel, I saw my parabatai coming towards me in her famous heels.
"Izzy, god I'm so sorry" I rushed out as she smiled.
Izzy hugged me as I winced slightly from the demon wound.
"It's fine Selena, you risked everything for me" She said, stepping away.
"But you're my parabatai and I left you again" I mumbled, tears springing to my eyes.
Everything was piling up, every little thing was putting pressure on until I felt like I was ready to crumble.
"Selena, I asked you to. Don't blame yourself" Izzy whispered.
Waves of guilt flooded through us both as she hugged me again.

When I heard she was set to be de-runed, I could've cried. Knowing she wouldn't be my Parabatai killed me, that's why I was so glad she was ok. Along with that, the bond being severed would've been excruciating, a process that would finish me off mentally and leave a faded rune in place, a reminder. But that pain wouldn't compare to the feeling of losing her.
"Did you talk to Alec?" She asked, pulling me towards her room.
"I wish I didn't. I tried to apologise but, you know him, stubborn as ever" I mumbled, laying back on her bed.
I heard the door click shut, prompting me to look up.
"Trust me, I know. Lena, he does love you. He's blinded by this rage because of our parents" Izzy reminds me as I nodded, still doubting every word she said.
"Do you reckon he'll leave? To Idris?" I questioned, sitting up to watch Izzy look through her wardrobe.
"Honestly...I don't know. He wants to run this institute but the clave might offer something better because of Lydia" Izzy shrugged.
My fingers subconsciously fiddled with my necklace, the one that Alec had saved all these years.
"Yeah...maybe" I shrugged half heartedly.

Izzy looked up, glancing to where my necklace lay, twirling through my fingers idly.
"Let me tell you something, sister to sister," she coaxed whilst sitting next to me, "Alec went into your bedroom a lot during the first week you were gone. I remember when he went in the first time, I found him crying because the only thing left of you was that necklace" she said, jabbing it lightly.
"Crying?" I questioned confused, looking down at the gem.
Crying was the last thing I expect of the older Lightwood. He was strong, guarded. Not vulnerable.
"Oh yeah. After that night, I didn't see him cry again but when I found him...he was so broken. Selena, if that doesn't scream 'I love you' then i don't know what does"

****
Wandering down the cold, empty halls of the institute, I thought of what Izzy said. It definitely gave perspective, not enough to actually make me want to do something. Alec had his mind set on this and I'd be damned if I stepped in the way.

I stepped into the cold infirmary, dim lights shining. A couple shadowhunters walked around, not many considering it was the middle of the night. Just the few unlucky ones who had to watch over everything. Thankfully, I wasn't one of them. I was just awake because of the pain in my shoulder. It was a tingling, dull pain. It would take a few more days to close over fully. Until then, I had to change the bandages and clean it. Nobody batted an eye at me awake, just small smiles and nods of heads.

Sitting down with a sigh, I pulled the stuff out before stripping my shirt off. The bandages unravelled easier at first before getting to the gauze.
"Need some help?" A voice called softly.
I turned, seeing Alec stood whilst leaning against the doorway.
"Umm...yeah" I admitted softly, dropping my arms from the wound.

His fingers gently grabbed the bandage, tugging it softly so it would come away.
"What happened?" Alec asked, breaking the awkward silence.
I couldn't see his face, since he was behind me.
"Ravener demon" I answered simply.
Gently grabbing the gauze, he ripped away the sides as the dried blood stuck. I winced slightly, sucking in a harsh breath.
"Sorry..." he whispered, getting the gauze completely off.
"What's with the change of heart? I'm certain you didn't want to see me earlier" i stated suddenly, the tension in the room palpable.
"I felt guilty..." he shrugged.
"You? Guilty?" I asked.
He chuckled without humour, wiping an antiseptic over the wound. It burned slightly but the conversation easily took my mind off of that.
"Believe it or not, yeah" he mumbled, putting a new gauze against the wound.
Biting my lip, I stopped myself from whining at the pressure of the gauze when the bandages were reapplied.
"You have nothing to be guilty for. I shouldn't have gone against you like that" I admitted, turning to face the older Lightwood when he removed his hands.

He walked in front of the bed I was sat on, leaning against a table opposite me. He looked tired and restless, like he hadn't slept in days.
"You were protecting my sister, something I didn't do. She loves Meliorn and I was so blinded by my anger that I ignored her feelings. I'm just glad you didn't" He said quietly, looking away slightly embarrassed.
"Can we just agree that we've both been idiots?" I asked, watching as a smile pulled at his lips.
"Yeah...I think that's better" he whispered as I grabbed my shirt, slipping it on.
"Thanks for doing that, it's been a pain" i grumbled, moving to put the supplies away.
I heard him hum in agreement, feeling his eyes watching me.

"So, what are you doing about Jace?" I questioned, turning to look at him.
Our eyes met, his darting away quickly like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.
"I'm...avoiding" he shrugged.
"Alec, he's your parabatai" I reasoned.
"I know but he's acting irrationally. I know you helped but at least you apologised and I know you did it was for Izzy. Jace did it for Clary, not minding anyone else" Alec admitted, rolling his eyes.
"I get it...just think about talking to him" I said, smiling lightly to ease an tension left.
"You sound like Izzy" Alec groaned as I laughed, looking down with a smile (gif above).
"Well we are parabatai" I reminded him, looking up to meet his gaze.
He held a fond smile on his face, one that looked at ease and peaceful. It felt normal again for the first time in so long. The threat of Valentine was forgotten, the mortal cup in the clave's hands, Alec getting married. It just felt simple, like when we were kids.

I wished I could savour the moment, but we couldn't stand here all night, even if I wanted to.
"I'll let you go back to bed" Alec excused, clearly having the same though I did.
"Yeah...yeah, goodnight" I stuttered, saddened that I had to leave him.
It would only be a few days till he married. It was still a foreign concept, a horrible, horrible concept.
"Goodnight Selena" he called softly as I left.
I didn't see his lingering gaze, but I sure as hell felt it.