Lovebug~Alec Lightwood

Chapter Thirty Four-What I Need

"What I need, what I need, what I need
Is for you to be sure, no no no
For you to be sure, no no no
For you to be sure, no no no
What I need, what I need, what I need
Is to tell me that it's yours, no no no
And who you do it for, no no no
Need you to be sure, no no no
No, no"
-Hayley Kiyoko, Kehlani

———————————
Many thoughts were circling through my mind as I was getting ready to go out with Alec. After what happened to Izzy, we saw Clary show Cleophas a rune that wasn't apart of the grey book. We both had no idea what to do about it either. I felt awful for now having to lie to Alec about two things.
"Hey, ready to go?" Alec asked, knocking lightly on my open door.
Turning on my heel, I snapped myself out of the daze I was in.
"Hmm? Oh yeah" i replied quickly with a shake of my head to regain focus.
I pulled my leather jacket back on, something that more or less every shadowhunter owned.
"Are you okay? You seem a bit...distracted?" He asked as he stepped into the room.
"Sorry, I'm just nervous" I responded, not entirely lying.
I was nervous, I mean I was going out on a date with someone I've been in love with for years. He didn't make my nerves go away when he looked gorgeous in leather clothes.
"There's no need for you to be nervous" he responded with a reassuringly smile.

It made my stomach churn from guilt. But I promised Izzy I wouldn't say anything, and I couldn't. She's my parabatai, I wouldn't break a promise to her.
"Let's go then" I smiled, brushing off my thoughts as I took his hand.

****
"Thanks, but I didn't know you drank" Alec said, taking the beer from my hand as I sipped the cocktail.
"When I moved to LA everyone drank. Plus, my brothers were a main factor to why I drink" I said as Alec laughed slightly.
He took a sip of the beer, clearly not liking it.
"You don't have to drink it, you know?" I told him.
"No, it's um...great" he offered.
Rolling my eyes, I led him over to the pool table.
"Here, something you should be good at" I said as Alec smirked.

Putting our drinks down, we both grabbed pool sticks.
"It's just like archery, all about the aim" he said as he shot a few into different holes.
I sipped my drink, watching him as he potted the balls
"Who knew there were so many similarities" I replied, watching as he missed.
I sensed that was on purpose since I couldn't play this game for the life of me.
"Can't win em all" he shrugged as I smiled (gif above)
"Yeah, yeah. Don't make me feel too bad now Katniss" I remarked, lining up and actually potting a ball.
"Katniss?" Alec asked with a small tilt of his head.
"A character from a mundane movie. She rarely misses a shot with a bow" I told him, placing a kiss on his cheek.
Lining up the next shot, I missed. Shrugging it off, I turned to Alec who was watching with amusement.
"I'm not made for this" I responded, taking a sip of my drink.
"I couldn't tell" he remarked sarcastically.

****
"Still as competitive as ever" I said as we sat at the bar.
"Well, I've lived with Jace for 11 years, and he's my parabatai"  Alec shrugged.
"Doesn't bother me, I'm sure your ex's felt the same" I responded, not really thinking about what I was saying.
"Lydia never complained" he replied.
"You knew Lydia for like a second" I said.
"I just...I um...don't have time for relationships" he shrugged.
"Alec, you know I don't care about that, don't you?" I asked, taking his hand in mine.
"Yeah, it's just...I know you've been in relationships and I just...haven't" he shrugged, avoiding my eyes.
"Honestly, yeah I have," I admitted," but I've never loved anyone like I love you" I told him, my thumb rubbing reassuring circles against his hand.

Seeing the uncertainty in his eyes, I pulled him up to stand.
"Come on, let's get out of here" I said, pulling him out the door.
"Where are we going?" He questioned as I slowed to walk next to him, our hands still interlocked.
"Nighttime stroll, get out of that stuffy bar" I responded as we walked towards Central Park.
We brushed through the crowds, walking into the park. Barely anyone was out considering it was pretty late.

I led Alec down to a pond, sitting down on a rock.
"Why here?" Alec asked, his hand releasing mine.
Looking out onto the pond, I noticed the moonlight bouncing off it, making pretty silver patterns.
"Because, I used to come here when the institute became too much. Mainly my brothers and Jace, but it was a place to get away" I shrugged, lifting my knees up to rest my arms.
"I didn't even know you thought it was too much" Alec said as I could feel his gaze on me.
"I hid it well. The only one who knew about it was Izzy but that's because she followed me one night" I replied.

It was quiet for a few minutes, us both looking out onto the tranquil water.
"I'm sorry for making this awkward" Alec blurted our of the blue.
Putting my knees down, I looked at Alec as his eyes met mine.
"You didn't. We've known each other our whole lives and we didn't really talk about this stuff. I get it, it's new for both of us" I told him as he looked away.
Frowning, I nudged his face to look at me again by gently pressing my fingers to the side of his face. His eyes were shining, reflecting the moon in them.
"I just feel like you deserve someone better, who's had relationships and knows how to treat you" he responded as I turned my full body to face him.
"I don't want someone else. I want you, Alec. I love you and I have for years" I told him.
"Years?" He repeated to himself with a gleeful smile.
"Yes, years. Don't get too big an ego or I'll mistake you for Jace" I sarcastically said.

Leaning over, Alec locked our lips in a loving, meaningful kiss that made me feel like a teenage girl kissing her crush. Without realising, I leant back and fell on my back, pulling Alec on top of me. Breaking the kiss, we both laughed softly.
"You look so beautiful, you know?" Alec said as our laughter died down.
A blush spread across my face as I looked up at him.
"I don't understand how you've never had a girlfriend" I replied, bringing my hand up to brush some of his hair back that had fallen out of place.
"Because I've only ever wanted you" he whispered tentatively.
"Well isn't it your lucky day?" I teased, bringing my hand to his neck.
For a few minutes, I let myself forget about Valentine, the secrets, the fear of death everyday to just feel happy. It may have been selfish, but there was some part of me that wished we could just leave. No more demons or wars. Just each other.