baby honey

seven

It may be too hot for jeans today. The warmth of the window sill reminds me that the winter time is finally over, it may be time to invest in some clothes to match the changing seasons. I sit on the end of the bed and pull on my shoes as I look at my half finished painting that I started last night. Just another view from my window, but this time I sat around the other way to get a different view. A new perspective, it was a nice change.

Heather moves about the kitchen at a snails pace, making herself a cup of tea. I pause for a second and watch her; she doesn't seem like herself at all, and I'm worried that it's because of me. Perhaps I've over stayed my welcome? I try and push the thought from my head, repeating the words that Dr Lawrence has been drilling into me for my last few sessions. 'You are not a burden'. Still, it's possible to be a burden to someone when you take over their spare bedroom when there's no real end in sight.

"I'm going to go to Dr Lawrence then I have a shift at the bookstore so I won't be back until later" I say calmly, my voice seeming to give her a fright as she jumps slightly, her fingers clumsily fiddling with the milk bottle.

"Oh okay, I thought you didn't work on weekends?" She asks, her tone seems forced and unnatural, like she's trying to pretend things are okay.

"Inventory. Hey, is everything okay? You seem...off" I observe aloud. I'm not sure of what I mean really, I just know something isn't right with her. She spins around and braces her hands on the countertop behind her. Her head shakes back and forth telling me no before she sighs and rolls her eyes, scoffing at herself as she returns the bottle of milk into the fridge.

"No. I'm not ok, I'm pregnant" Her voice is deadpanned, almost croaked out in a whisper. My heart rate raises immediately. Oh god, this is not good. Or is it? Is she happy about this, did she plan this?

"Oh" Is all I manage to say, sinking into one of the chairs at the dining room table as Heather stirs her cup of tea. She stares down at its contents.

"How far along?" I ask. I've not heard any morning sickness from her, or really any of the usual signs.

"The doctor said it's around 5 or 6 weeks. I was late so I took a test, then I made a doctors appointment because I thought it was wrong. Turns out it wasn't" she lets out a wry laugh as she carries her cup of tea over to the table and sits herself down in the seat across from me.

"Is Brad the...?" I ask. She nods her head. Well fuck, that complicates things significantly. How do you have a baby with a married man who already has children of his own? Honestly Heather what the bloody hell were you thinking? I can't say any of this to her of course, she already knows I don't approve but the last thing she needs is for me to be a bitch when she's obviously struggling with this.

"Have you talked to him about it?" I ask her after a quiet moment.

"No. Haven't told anyone. I don't want to get anyone else involved before I decide how I feel about it" Heather replies quietly, taking a sip of her tea.

"Fuck" I whisper as I lean my back against the chair, sagging my weight against it.

"Tell me about it" Heather says with a small smile, that in turn makes me smile. Of course something like this was going to happen, when you invite mess into your life things get messy. And having an affair with a married father is quite the messy situation.

"You know I'm here, no matter what, no judgement" I tell her, reaching my hand out and giving hers a soft squeeze. I love Heather like a sister, and even though I don't approve of her life choices I'm never going to abandon her for it. She knows that, I just feel like she needs to hear it. And the smile that she gives me in response tells me it's news that she's happy to hear.