I am a love interest in a harem novel!?

The Eyes Lie

I must be dreaming...

Leila, laying her head on my bed, asleep and defenseless..? Impossible...

I stared mystified, looking at the fine details of the image in front of me.

She was wearing a black dress, the skirt flowing down to her ankles and forming creases, defining her shapely legs. The darkness of her clothes was a stark contrast to her bright golden hair.

The blinding silky strands hid most of her face like a soft translucent veil but I could clearly see it in my mind. Rather... I could project the image so well that I have been hallucinating about her all the time. Maybe... this was another hallucination.

This one was different, however. She didn't smile at me mischievously like the rest of her predecessors. She neither mocked me nor laughed at my misery. She didn't say hurtful words.

She didn't die...

Yet.

Maybe, it will happen now...? Later? But I don't want to watch it anymore. I don't want to see her die in front of me for the nth time knowing my arms would again, without fail, pass through her body. I've lost count how many times that had happened. It was like a nightmare that kept repeating over and over... and over.

'Are you tired...?' I flinched at the voice in my head.

'Why don't you just kill her yourself..? Who knows she might not appear after that... right?' It drawled dangerously.

"Sh-shut up..." I answered, shaking my head and covering my ears as if my hands could ward it off. It couldn't. It never did.

'Just do it... You don't want her to leave you again right? Then kill her.'

I vigorously shook my head. No... No... How could I do such a thing to kind, kind Leila..? I'd rather kill myself... I looked at the sleeping figure once again. Somehow, this presence seemed to calm me down. My mind had never been this clearer. It's an odd feeling. I've never felt this way before during the past few months. I'm scared... If she disappears in front of me again, I just might lose the small sanity I have left.

"What d-do I do...? D-don't disappear, okay?" I murmured as I touched the tip of her hair. It felt real...

"Don't disappear... okay?" I repeated.

I'm desperate... So desperate.

And yet I could never find the courage to look for her. I had always thought that if she wanted to see me, she could always come back. But if she doesn't then so be it.

For several months... I've been tying my lose ends while hoping one day for sure, she's going to appear in front of me, but she never did. And I was all to blame. Of course, I perfectly understand her reasons. It was my fault. It was all mine... I stayed and let the seasons pass me by. Winter, spring, summer, fall
... And winter again- until I finally... finally reached the end of my purpose.

The time has come. The villain, me...- I needed to die, but I didn't expect the hero to take pity on me.

And I didn't expect my hallucinations would keep me captive like this. I had promised I would exhaust everything I have to shoulder all the sins I've comitted but I never expected I'd fall to such extent that I'd trade living in misery over my responsibility for a mere fictitious image my festering mind had shamelessly manufactured.

How pathetic can I get?

My lips trembled as warmth registered in my fingertips the moment it made contact with her skin. I didn't know my hand had grown braver over the course of a mere minute. I had actually dared to touch her.

Her eyes fluttered open ever so slightly and I immediately retreated to the bed's corner in haste. I watched her warily as I gathered my knees to my chest.

'She isn't real...'

'Must you really let yourself suffer again? She's evil...'

'Kill her... Kill her!'

I tilted my head, wincing at the loud voice reverberating in my ears.

"Uziel..?" She called out my name as she searched the space I had been lying on while I slept.

'Such a tricky little bitch. She's not real! Kill it! Kill it-' Kill, kill, ki...

"Uziel!?" Her eyes seemed to panic when she noticed I wasn't where I was supposed to be but that had soon turned to relief when she raised her head and incidentally looked my way. Our eyes met.

After a drawned out silence, her features relaxed and she gave me a tentative smile.

Suddenly, the voice didn't seem that loud anymore.

"You're awake..?"

My lips remained sealed.

"A-are you hungry..?" She asked another question. She never asked me that before.

A second later and my stomach growled, as if to berrate me for not answering her.

She gave me a watery smile. "I'd like to cook for you but I don't know where the kitchen is. Can you guide me..-?" She suddenly stopped, her eyes shifting to my feet.

"That... I forgot your feet are hurt so you can't walk..."

Her face was downcast and it looked as if tears began to line her eyes but she held them in, blinking them back before looking at me again. She's also hurt, isn't she..? My eyes lowered to her bandaged hand.

"I'll go look for the kitchen and whip up something quick."

She proceeded to stand up and walk around the bed to go out, awakening my anxiousness. My eyes began to shake in their sockets and I couldn't help but reach out to her.

"Uziel..?" She looked at me pensively.

I opened my mouth to tell her to stay but I realized she isn't real. Besides... Whenever I try to talk to her for a long period of time, it never ends well.

I slowly let her skirt go and just stared at her.

It's fine. She'll come back again... for sure. As soon as I thought of that, I felt my chest tighten. I turned around and laid back down on the bed, lying on my side.

I just don't wanna see her die again... Or hear her screams.

I thought she was going to disappear but I was surprised when I felt the bed sink on one side.

"Maybe I should call Sebastian for help..." She uttered. "Let's ask him to get a take-out... Let's wait for him together?" She suggested. I didn't reply and let her do what she wanted.

Later on, I heard a familiar faint voice coming from her mobile phone.

"What? He woke up..?"

"Yeah... I think he's hungry... I'm sorry for asking you this but could you maybe get some food..?" Her voice was calm, a little sorry and reluctant as she uttered her request.

"...Sure. But how is he..?"

"He's... docile..."

I closed my eyes and let her voice soothe me. I don't know why my delusions include Sebastian all of a sudden but I don't care as long as Leila's here.

If she's here then everything's fine.

***