I am a love interest in a harem novel!?

Mama

They say having regrets is the worst pain you can experience in life... It must be true, because even after death, the ache in my heart never ceased to stop.

I led a pretty carefree life. The girl who always smiles and laughs whenever. I believed that whatever may come my way, I would eventually overcome it and I was right... for a while.

When I was 25, I finally got myself a man who would care for me as much as I would for him.

When I was 26, I got married.

And on my 27th birthday, I found out that my husband doesn't really care about me as much as I had made myself believed. The first time he beat me, I found out that I was pregnant... I was shocked twice in a day and couldn't help but worry that he might hurt the baby. Surprisingly, he didn't...

So then I thought he must've changed for the better because of the growing life in my belly but as soon as the baby was born, the physical abuse started again.

I cried and pleaded for him to stop, but he never did.

Until finally there came a day where I cried but not because of the violence he hurled at my recovering body. Rather, it was because of my foolishness for thinking he would change.

At that point, I began to think about the face of my childhood friend who had always been considerate of me and wondered if only he loved me, not only as a friend, would I live a completely different life?

When I thought of such things, the baby would cry until I cradle him in my arms. Maybe he heard my thoughts and felt betrayed that his mother was thinking of having a different past... Because then, he wouldn't be able to come to this world.

I felt guilty and decided that it would be the first and the last time I would daydream about hopeless wishes. Afterall, it will never change anything, and I was already a mother. My responsibilities had grown bigger.

I must protect this life, no matter what...

After I had recovered a bit and was able to walk, I immediately went to the police and asked for help. It was in the dead of the night and I had luckily escaped the mansion without getting discovered.

My baby also seemed to have caught on my plans because he remained silent althroughout the journey, but everything was for naught...

Life was cruel to me...

My second regret was that I didn't take that chance to flee as far away as I can from that man... Because, the next day, I found myself back in the mansion.

At age 29, my world has fallen. I found out that my husband was not only an abuser but that he was also a Boss of a mafia who even had underlings in the police and military force.

Ever since my first attempt to escape, he's had his eyes on my every move and from then on, my life went from a total nightmare to hell...

My third regret was that I didn't gather enough courage to escape for an earlier second attempt to leave my husband's clutches. Then my precious child wouldn't have suffered for so long...

I couldn't help but think, 'What if I had succeeded if I had acted a early on?'

It was a question that brings tears to my eyes even to this day...

But the thing that I regret the most... And it's my first and biggest regret in life was to give up... I totally lost sight of who I was supposed to be. I chose to be a victim first and tossed aside my role as a mother.

I... am the worst mother to ever exist.

That was the first thought that entered my mind as my translucent spirit hovered over my dead body.

Selfish.

Inconsiderate.

Because of my heavy sin, I was sentenced to serve the goddess of mercy for a millennium before reincarnating. She was kind and treated me like an equal, but as it was... In the end, humans are indeed greedy creatures even after death. I could never forget my dear child who I had abandoned so cowardly.

I took advantage of her merciful treatment and gazed into my son's life... And what I saw made my already broken heart crack into tinier fragments. I didn't expect that he who has gone through much more hardships than me still thought of righting everything on his own... How I wish I was as brave as him...

I hated myself for crying... I have long learned that it could never accomplish anything so I began to think until an idea popped up in my mind...

Aside from me, wasn't there another person who he cared about enough to influence his actions..? He had been so devastated when he came across her diary at her funeral which he was reluctant to attend at first...

To the point that he'd never played around with women ever since.

Rui Hughes. A person that should have never existed in the world I had died from.

Still I've decided... I may have been a coward before but I will not stay a coward.

That was why I gave up half of my life force to give her a reminder of Uziel's existence by creating that book. It was all my meagre ability could do as I was a mere servant of a goddess. Aside from that, it was taboo to meddle with human affairs... Otherwise, it might have the opposite effect instead...

But I wasn't about to give up on my son again... So I pleaded with the gods and told them to help my son. That even if my soul were to disappear, I would be fine with that.

The goddess of mercy spoke on my behalf and soon enough, they were convinced to let the matter go...

Still, I couldn't help but worry as I was now forbidden to have a glimpse of the mundane plane. I just hope that everything went well... Everyday, I pray without fail and I would never stop...

And one day all my efforts were finally rewarded.

"Your son seems happy the last time I saw him." The goddess uttered while drinking tea in the garden.

Ah... I could finally truly smile from the bottom of my heart.

I hope that he stays happy from now on...

Uziel, my dearest precious gem... I am sorry and live well now, my child.

***

A/N: Well nowww... Thank you for all the support you've given for this humble work. Actually, this was purely made to satisfy an itch. Lol. It's just that I've gotten into transmigration stories and ideas were popping nonstop in my head. I was practically begging for this to be read (LOL) because it wouldn't be fun writing it if I was the only reader. Hahahaha. It's too embarrassing to make my friends or even my family read it. ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ Like...? No- Just nooo. 

So yeah it has really finally ended now. And I know there was one time where I promised to write a story alongside this but I decided not to do it or the updates would be compromised, and I might lose interest halfway so... Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, as I was finishing this story, a few more ideas kept on popping in my head so I might not be able to continue the first one... 

(シ_ _)シ I apologize for that. 

I might publish the new story tomorrow so please look forward to it to those who are interested... I'll be editing this while I do that, of course. Also, I posted an announcement in my instagram that I might be posting a short comics for this but a lot of the events that I drew then have changed so I will have to cancel that. In exchange, I'll be posting some colored illustrations to make up for that. 

Moving on, allow me to give you my full gratitude for making it till the end. I'm very fortunate to have this much readers. It really meant a lot to me. I have always been writing ever since I was in high school so to finally have a variety of audience is like a dream come true! If you'll ever be interested in my future novel, let's meet there again. I love you, guys!! ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽