Laying in bed, thinking about everything, I wondered how I was going to close off completely. Being in this band for years made me express my feelings openly whenever asked. But I can't do that anymore, not now at least.
My thoughts got cut off by the sound of Jin's yelling.
"DINNER IS READY!!" He yelled from the kitchen.
Getting up, looking in the mirror, I look at my reflection to make sure emotions are clear on my face. Happy smiles.
Walking out the door and down to the kitchen, I'm greeted by all the boys and loads of food on the dinning room table.
"Sit next to me Aera!!" Taehyung said happily
Smiling slightly, I take my seat in between taehyung and yoongi.
"Hey Aera, what did you want to talk about earlier?" Namjoon asked while taking his seat across from me.
"Oh it's nothing oppa, just wanted someone to talk to" I smiled. If only he knew the real reason why I wanted someone to talk to.
Namjoon shook his head understandingly while everyone continued to talk about their day.
"Jagi, you're not talking a lot today. What's wrong?" Hoseok asked
"Oh it's nothing, oppa. Just tired, I was actually gonna take a nap but Jin had called us down for dinner" I said while taking a bite of the noodles laid out in front of me.
"You should come cuddle me after we eat dinner. Ya know? So, you can take that nap." Yoongi said while resting his hand on my knee in a comforting manner.
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After dinner:
I walked with yoongi to his room and we both laid on the bed. I rested my head on his chest while he stroked my hair.
"Are you sure you're just tired princess? You seemed off" he said worryingly
"I'm fine Oppa" I giggled in order to make him stop questioning me.
It's scary how these lies flowed out my mouth.
He didn't press the subject and continued to slowly fall asleep.
I slowly got out of his arms and replaced a pillow in his hold. I walked through the now silent halls and out onto the balcony. The cold night breeze made me shiver but it felt nice in a way.
Looking out into the bright lights of Seoul I wondered, 'what if I just were to disappear? Who would care? There's over 9 million people in Seoul, no one would notice if I were to just disappear...'
I found tears spill out my eyes rapidly. I never had thoughts like these anymore. The hate, the pressure, the constant feeling of not being enough is too much. Way too much.
I backed away from the balcony and buried my head in my arms, knees pressed against my chest.
"I can't do this anymore" I chant softly.
"I don't want to.." I break out in quiet sobs.
I felt someone place a hand on my back. I look up to be greeted by namjoon's tear filled eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me.." he whispers.
I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. I felt guilty.
He typed on his phone and shoved his phone back into his pocket. He picks me up and takes me somewhere. My head is buried into his neck.
He places me on the couch while members slowly pile into the room.
"Guys, we all need to talk about a situation that's happening" namjoon states on a weavering voice.
Keeping my head down to the floor, I couldn't bear to look them in the eyes. I'm a disappointment to this group...causing them additional stress...jeez, I can't do anything right.
"What's wrong? What's going on?" Jimin asked worriedly
"Do you want to tell them Aera?" Namjoon asks quietly. I shake my head 'yes' softly.
Taking a deep breath, I start.
"Lately, we've been gaining a lot of popularity...along with that popularity, it also mean more hate. Fans calling me a slut for being in a male dominant group, calling me lazy, calling me overweight, and so much more." I say trying not to cry as the comment flood my head.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Hoseok asks
"You all were as stressed as I was. I know we said that we would tell each other everything but I couldn't handle being the cause of more stress..." I look back down at the floor as tears fall down.
"You should've told us.." Jin said while coming to me and siting next to me. Rubbing circles on my back.
"Is that why you wanted to talk?" Namjoon asks sadly
"Yes, I'm sorry.." I say feeling ashamed.
"Baby, you are so talented. Those comments were made by ignorant assholes who don't know real talent when they see it. You're so perfect the way you are." Yoongi said while squatting in front of me.
"Yea! You're bangtan's princess!" Hoseok exclaimed
"Knowing you're hurting alone hurts us. No matter how stressed we are-" jimin says before he was cut off by jungkook
"You can always come to us!" Jungkook says
"Yea, what he said!" Taehyung says while pushing everyone to hug me.
Hugs goes around and the boys slowly start to recruit back to their rooms, except for Namjoon.
"Just know, you're life is so important to us. You've brought happiness into our lives and we wouldn't be the same without you. Please, never forget your worth. I love you so much, princess. Don't hide yourself in order to "protect" us." He kisses my temple and goes back to bed.
I really did get lucky.
Walking back into yoongi's room, I slide under the blanket and cuddle into him. He pulls me into his embrace and kisses my lips softly.
"I love you so much babygirl."
"I love you too oppa." I say while falling asleep against his chest.
That was the best nights sleep I had in awhile.
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Here was the long awaited part 2!! I'm so sorry it took so long, I haven't been in the best mental place recently so I took a small break. I hope this satisfied you all! Thank you all for reading 💜💜
