memories. h.s

Sixteen

𝐒𝐈𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍

My first day returning back to school late September felt... different. I felt different. So much had changed in my life since the last time I stepped foot in these halls. I was now in the process of rekindling my relationship with someone who was almost like a completely different person now. And I was a different person too. We are learning and figuring out how how to fit each other in our new lives, especially with his celebrity, to prevent us from exiting each other's lives again.

"Would it be alright if I copy your notes? I can't see them from here."

I quietly ask the girl sitting next to me to not distract from the teachers lesson. I was in English literature and the teacher was filling out a study guide with us but with my lack of vision, the words she was filling in looked like black blobs on the paper instead of words.

"Yeah sure, I'll give it to you when I'm done."

She looks up and says in a kind tone. I smile in appreciation and return my focus to the projector the teacher was showing the assignment on and continued to listen to what she was saying.

"Thank you so much" I say handing her back her completed paper.

"Not a problem."

The girl smiles and takes the paper from my hand and stuffs it into a binder and then shoving it into her bag.

"What's your name?"

I figured if she was nice enough to let me copy off of her, the I might as well get to know her a bit.

"Amaya."

"I'm Lillie, it's nice to meet you."

"You too Lillie." She smiles. Just then the bell rings and everyone begins to scatter out of the room onto their next destination.

The rest of the week dragged on, I wasn't sure how I'd do with remembering where all my classes were all located after I had my campus walk through prior to my first day. I ended up doing pretty well, only having a panic attack once in the entire first day of school.

I was beginning to catch on to the drama of the slut of our town. It didn't matter that she was only year 10 in a different school than us, anyone who went to a school here knew her and knew what she did. Sarah apparently had relapsed after ninety days of being clean of no alcohol, drugs, and sex and had thrown a massive house party at her Mum's house where glass tables were broken, some of her Mum's jewellery along with other things were missing. The police were called shutting the whole thing down and taking her away to jail for a weekend.

I'm not really sure why, but whenever I catch word of her sexual activities I guess you could call it, I shutter at the thought of anyone younger than me having sex. If I can hardly say the word, without feeling like I'm committing a dirty crime, how could someone younger or even my age do the deed? Sometimes I feel like everyone is making it all up. Pretending to have these lustrous feelings and acting on them. Especially at our age.

Now that I'm coming in on eighteen years old in a few months, I'm starting to feel like this isn't normal, that these feelings towards sex aren't normal. I'm not afraid of it I mean, if you want to go at it with someone then good for you but then when I think about doing myself, I instantly feel disgusted. I just don't see any interest in it and that's what scares me. What are these feelings? It seems like everyone else is dying to have sex where as I am not in the least slightest.