memories. h.s

Twenty four

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

It had been a week since the unforgettable shit show went down with my parents and I was finally all moved in at Harry's house. It ended up only taking three days and four of Harry's friends to move everything I owned to London.

Harry had work obligations in New York hosting and performing at Saturday Night Live next week and he had been nonstop busy getting ready for the trip the minute the moving process with me was finished. It was nearly eleven at night now, we had been packing for the trip for probably the past four hours. Harry had to try on every single outfit he packed to make sure everything fit and matched correctly. He would ask me for my opinion and I would either say yay or nay.

For myself, my clothes were still In boxes so finding clothes that made sense to wear in late fall New York was a bit of a change. It's safe to say the bedroom floor looked like a tornado had hit it with mine and Harry's clothes all scattered about.

"Hey baby, do you think you could look in my T-shirt drawer and find my rainbow Live Aid shirt for me?" Harry was stood in front of his body length mirror wearing a pair of flair denim jeans with a plain white shirt with a tan opened up Gucci cardigan.

I walk into his giant walk in closet with rows of organised drawers and a section dedicated to a array of colourful suits. Despite having organisation, he had things everywhere, some things in the completely wrong places. As my eyes roam around, trying my best to make out the words labelled on his drawers, I catch a glimpse of a stuffed bear's leg in a bin in a cubicle slightly above my head.

Should I look? I mean, I'm his girlfriend is that okay? No you shouldn't that's intrusive!

After my mental debate, I reach up and lightly tug the stuffed animal out of the bin.

I stare at it in shock. The little anklet with the words Lillie on it confirm what this bear is. This was the bear I had handed to him back in 2015 at a meet and greet when I had sworn he had completely forgotten who I was. I thought there was no way he'd keep a bear from a fan and if he did, it surely would've gotten lost. But here it was, the small white and light pink bear with a beaded anklet with my name on it. Why is this here? Of all places? I couldn't stop asking myself questions as I stared at the bear.

"Did you find- oh," Harry cuts himself off upon seeing what the hold up is. Quickly turning around, I nearly drop the bear. "You kept it?" I whisper. I can feel tears building up but I try to push them back and stay calm.

He walks towards me, me not taking my eyes off of him as he gently takes the bear from my hands and observes it in his.

"You probably thought I had forgotten about you, that I didn't know it was you that was in that meet and greet right? I nod my head yes and let him continue. "I knew it was you, from the second you walked in that room and said your name I knew it was you. I just couldn't let you know. I know why you were a fan, it was to keep me in your life somehow and I didn't want to let you into my personal life at such a dark moment in my life.
I didn't want you to see that side of me. It was scary. I hated myself, hated everyone who had something negative to say wether it was about me or my relationship with Louis, I was still in the process of accepting my sexuality. I was mad. Why couldn't I have been straight like management wanted me to be? I felt like I was the one messing everything up for everyone and I was constantly on edge. A loose cannon ready to be set off.

But when you handed me this bear with your name on it, I decided I would keep it close to me because it was the only thing I had of you. The only thing that was a memory of you." As he finished speaking, he looked at me with such sincerity it warmed my heart.