memories. h.s

Twenty

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘

My world stopped, everything froze as Harry and i stared into each other's eyes. I had read about moments like this, often resulting in a kiss one way or another. I darted my eyes down at his full, soft, pink lips before quickly– as if it never happened, returning my focus back to his eyes. This didn't go unnoticed by him and for a millisecond I panic as the thought of him being disgusted that I'd do such a thing fills my mind. Instead, his eyes flutter ever so delicately down to my small unappealing lips that did nothing for me.

This meant he wanted to kiss me right? I'm pretty sure that's what the books I've read meant. If the other person looks at your lips too it means they want to kiss you. As if he could read my mind, he confirms all these swirling questions.

"Have you ever been kissed before?" His voice whispers so lowly I almost miss the question. Shame, embarrassment and insecurity wash over me making me look down with I could only assume, a bright red blush on my cheeks. I could feel the heat on my skin as I answer his question telling him I have not. I wasn't sure what I had excepted from him with him now knowing that knowledge, but what came out of his mouth was something I didn't expect in the slightest.

He wanted to wait. He wanted the moment to be right and special for me. We were currently in a hospital for my self harming incident and he didn't want this to be connected to the memory of my first kiss. In that moment, I believe I fell for him more than I'll ever truly know. He cares. And that's all I could ever ask for.

The moment ended all too soon with Sofia bursting in through the door and Harry allowing us some privacy stepping out of the room. There wasn't much time for me to process what I had just experienced with the man I thought would never have any the same feelings I had for him about me. And maybe he doesn't.

I could be reading into this all wrong. I knew all the woman he had been linked with over the years, there was a list of models and popular figures he'd been said to be with. Not including any men he'd secretly seen. Why would he want anything to do with me? I was an almost eighteen year old girl "who looked as if I hadn't gone through puberty yet and most of all, I was asexual. I had no interest whats so ever in sex. I'd even go as fall as to say I'm repulsed by any aspect of it.

"Lillie? You there?" A voice snaps me out of spiral. "Huh?" I distantly respond. I turn my head to be met with Sofia's blurry face. "What just happened there. With Harry? He just kissed your forehead AND your cheek?" Sofia looked like she wanted to jump around excitedly but remained still. "Oh uh," I look down not knowing what to really say. I didn't really know what it was, how was I supposed to tell someone else what happened if I was just as confused?

"Honestly, I don't know," I trail off not knowing what more to say. "Did you guys kiss?" She bluntly asks. If I was drinking something, I surely would've spit it out right now. I was not excepting that question. "No, he said this wasn't the place he'd want me to experience my first kiss," I admit. Heat rising onto my face as I recall what he had said to me. Sofia's features soften at this. "Aww, Lillie that is- wow something I've never heard anyone say," she puts her hand up to her heart. Sofia removers her hands from that placement and reaches out to grab onto my two hands and squeezes them tenderly.

I watch as her whole demeanour shifts into a more serious one, making my smile fade from my face as I knew what was coming.
"I first want to start off by telling you I don't hate you, nor am I scared of you. Finding you like the way you were, laying limp on the floor like that unconscious was the scariest thing I've ever experienced but I'm not scared of you."