Chanel •Billie Eilish• (rewritten)

10- FUCK

chen's pov:

"Okay, umm c-can you come?" I asked and she twisted her face. "Huh?" She laughed confused. "I can't with your dirty minded ass. Come here." I sighed and walked over to my friends. "Oh, I thought you meant something else." She mumbled lowly, surprisingly I heard her. "I know that, you freak." I laughed and shook my head.

"Hey, guys... I need to talk to you." I said and they smiled at me. "So Willow and Max are the only gay people in this group, right?" I asked. "I don't like to label my sexuality, but I'm definitely queer." Billie corrected me.

"Oh okay, good- Uhm... So, I, Chanel Skyler Gates, am a part of the LGBTQ+ community, coming out as Bi." I stood up and threw my hands in the air as everyone cheered and started to hype me up.

Willow stood up and hugged me. "I'm so fucking proud of you!" She squealed. "Hey, I see that y'all are having a happy morning." My mum came over to us.

"Oh nah, bruh. I'm fucked." I say underneath my breath and turn around. "Mum, I need to tell you something." I sighed and walked over to her, looking down. "What is it?" She asks. "I'm Bisexual." I looked up at her. Her smile completely faded.

"W-Why aren't you happy for me?" I asked worried as I start to shake. "What do you mean why am I not happy- SHOULD I BE HAPPY THAT YOU'RE RUNING YOUR LIFE?!" She shouted at me.

Steph got up and held me as I cried into his chest. "Ms. Gates, please calm-" "You should mind your business, Ash!" She shouted at him. By now everyone got up.

She yanked me out of Steph's grip and raised her hand on me. "What the fuck?! This is not okay!" Willow shouted at my mum, pulling me behind her. "You aren't okay, you dyke! I thought I raised you better, but you turned out to be a faggot just like your dad." She said. I shot my head up and slapped her.

"DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE CALL ME OR DADDY THAT, YOU WHORE! YOU WERE NEVER THERE FOR ME ALL YOU DID WAS GO SPEND DADDY'S MONEY, WHY DO YOU LOVE TO RUIN EVERYONE'S LIFE?!" My tears streamed down my face as Billie held me back and everyone stared in shock.

"So that's what good daughters do? They hit their mothers now?" She asks, holding her cheek and crying. "Mother my fuckin ass, you only gave birth to me. Go suck a dick for money or something since that's the only thing you're good at." I said angrily.

"Baby, we're really sorry. You shouldn't be treated like this." Max came over to me and wrapped his arms around me. "It's all because of those gays around you-" "Y3-h, we're gay and proud! What about it?" Willow said.

"Stay mad, stinky ass bitch." Billie said. "We'll talk later, fucking faggot. You, all of you, get out of my house!" She pointed at my friends. "No! they're not going anywhere." I said. She scoffs and walks away.

"Yeah, walk away from all of your problems, bitch! You are not a good mum. OH MY FUCKING GOD, I HATE YOU!" I screamed as she went back in the house.

"I'm really sorry, Chanel." Billie hugged me and everyone made a group hug. I cried harder as I felt my chest tightening. I pushed them away, "Give me a minute." I say, walking back into the house.

I went to my bathroom and closed the door behind me. I walked up to the mirror to look at my reflection. To my horror, I looked like a mess. I groaned and started punching the mirror repeatedly.

"I FUCKING HATE HER! I HATE HER! I HATE HER!" I kept yelling over and over, punching the mirror harder each time till it broke. I kept punching the shattered glass, making my hand bleed. It hurt, but I didn't want to stop.

Billie walked in the bathroom and pulled me back and I collapsed on the floor, pulling her down to the floor with me.

I thought I locked the door.

"Chanel! Shit, we need to take you to the hospital." She panicked, holding my hand. "Why?" I asked. "You're bleeding-" "No, why do you want to save me. Just let me die, Billie. It sucks for me anyway... and it's not like I'm important to anyone at this point." I sigh.

"What are you talking about?!" Billie's eyes started tearing. "Chen, don't think like that. I want you. You don't even know how much I love you." She hugged me tighter. "You love me?" I whispered. "Yes, I do." She helped me get up.

We went downstairs and she yelled for everybody to come. "What the fuck happened to your hand?!" Willow asked, looking terrified. "She punched the mirror. We need to get her to a hospital ASAP." she said to our friends.

-Time Skip-

The doctor checked my hand. "This is a lot of shattered glass. How many times did you punch the mirror?" He asked. "More than 11 times. I think." I hiss in pain as he cleans the cuts and takes out the glass. Billie stood by me, her arms crossed and her leg bouncing.

"Bil, it's okay." I smile at her. "No, it's not. Stop saying that." She says and I shake my head.

I ended up with 4 stitches on my hand

-Time Skip-

Date: August, 21st, 2016
Title: FUCK

"FUCK MY LIFE. FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK MY MUM. I don't understand why she keeps runing my life. Everything is perfect for 1 second and then she fucking shows up, but today it was different. Today I came out and my mum called me a faggot and a dyke. It hurts. I punched my mirror until I started bleeding and it broke. She did this to me. Funny that I'm her daughter, why would she treat me like that? I'm bisexual, so what? Live with it. I don't understand homophobes. People wanna be happy, so let them be. Right now all I could think about is how to end everything cuz I'm just tired bro, I just wanna be dead. I don't wanna be here. I hate me and I hate my sexuality. Why can't I make her proud of me? Why doesn't she love me? Maybe something is really wrong with me. Maybe being gay is actually not normal. Maybe I'm the problem after all. I don't deserve any of this. I'm a spoiled stupid piece of shit. What if I deserve to be treated like this. She's doing the right thing for me. I deserve all of this."

I started writing on the opposite page,

"IwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendmeIwannaendme"

And that's what I wrote over and over the whole page till it was filled with black ink.

"Would it matter if I killed myself? Why can't I be accepted?" I closed the book and threw it into the empty safe. I sat in the corner and curled up into a ball. I rested my head on my knees, and wrapped my arms around my legs tightly as I sobbed louder and louder, asking myself the same stupid questions.

2 hours later...
I decided to take a cold shower to relax. I got up and took off my clothes. I grabbed a shower cap and put my hair in a high bun and covered it. I started washing my body with cold water. I heard a knock on the door.

"Just making sure you didn't kill yourself in there, it's not worth it. Fuck her, you are better than her." I heard Juli's voice behind the door and laughed to myself.

"Yes, Julian, I'm dead, this is my spirit speaking." I said, washing the body soap off of my body. "Damn, you showering without me?" Julian said. "Juli- Get the fuck out." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm just playing. Do you want us to leave?" She asked. "No, tell the guys to leave though. Because yes." I say. "You don't gotta explain yourself." She said. I smiled, "Thanks, Juli."

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