𝑅𝑒𝒹 𝒮𝓉𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈-ᴄʜᴇɴʟᴇ

Ladder Song~19

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If you knew the damage that I did?
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"Scared of heartbreak? Or maybe just love itself- the thought of giving your heart to someone."

Chenle said nothing, his lips pressed together in a thin line as Jaemin's accusations resonated in his mind, yet he didn't want to accept them as true.

"Both?" He mumbled quietly, and Chenle remained silent.

What was there to say? 'Jaemin, I'm terrified.' Or 'What do I do?'

No, Chenle wouldn't spill his emotions to anyone, best friend or not.

But his chest twisted with a familiar, yet unfathomed emotion, and he hated it with his entire being, but it refused to disperse. Uncertainty rived through his insides, yet what could he say- what could he do?

He felt so stupid, so childish, but the feeling remained- forever lodged in the back of his mind.

It was terrifying to give your heart to someone blindly without knowing if you were going to get one back. Were the feelings mutual?

In Chenle's case, he knew that he wasn't the only one with such emotions, due to the fact that they were soulmates- they come with the bond- yet doubts still ravaged his mind. Would she use him? Take advantage of him, like everyone had before her?

He couldn't let anyone in, no, not again.

Never again.

But she... she seemed to already understand his mind. The way her brown, chocolaty orbs seemed to comprehend every thought that stumbled through his brain made his skin crawl, and he detested it- it was nerve wrecking.

If she saw his mind, she would've known, known about it all. Everything that made him him, every passing thought, his emotions- anything and everything.

Someone knowing him to that extent was just... too much.

For a relationship to work, you need to open up to the other. Chenle wasn't ready to do that, not ready at all.

When you give your heart to someone, that special someone was there to examine every flaw that streaked the organ. Every. Little. Thing. They could choose to love you, to hate you, to use you, and they could do whatever they wanted with you, because at that moment you become theirs, and theirs alone.

You only have one heart, and sometimes, when you give it away, you never get it back.

After that comes emptiness. The eternal hollowness that voids your chest, and makes you feel incomplete; broken in more painful ways than you can imagine. You're missing that final puzzle piece, and you never know how much you loved having your heart until it's gone.

And so, Chenle wasn't ready to let it go again.

Nevertheless, his heart seemed to be pulled away from him, yanked from his grasp by the bond that connected him to Rin, and he tried so desperately to hold onto it. His feelings were immediate, almost as if the mere sight of her had sent him into a flurry of emotion, and Chenle couldn't take it; it was so, so much to comprehend.

He had no say, no choice to keep his heart because it simply wasn't an option, and he couldn't stand that thought. Love; you can't plan it. It's one of those things that just happen, whether Chenle liked it or not.

And Chenle hated that he loved it.

"You can't just shy away from it," Jaemin sighed, yet Chenle's eyes remained glued to the floor.

Chenle felt too exposed in the moment- as if his brain was being examined by Jaemin, and he couldn't stand the feeling of him poking around in his head. Too much, he knew too much.

"Chenle, she's your soulmate, she's made for you, and you made for her. If you could trust anyone in this world, it would be her," Jaemin uttered, his eyes welled with pity, but he was exhausted.

"It's not that easy," She murmured quietly, yet he regretted his words the second they left his lips.

Jaemin wouldn't understand, no, no one could understand Chenle.

A scrutinized silence hung between the two, and Chenle detested the quiet, because it felt like Jaemin was rummaging through his brain- seeing what was broken, what was injured, and what hid in the dark crevices of his head.

"You're so scared of such a simple thing. Just let it happen, it's not going to kill you," Jaemin sighed, but his eyes narrowed at a sudden realization, "You've done this before, haven't you?

Chenle's lips pursed into a thin line as memories he wished to forget filtered through his brain, but he tried to block them out, to no avail. A violent hurricane of emotions twisted through his chest, and he desperately tried to calm it, yet it refused to submit.

"...But it didn't go well, it's like a scar-"

"Stop examining me like I need help- I'm fine!" Chenle suddenly yelled, and his sudden outburst took Jaemin by surprise, "I'm not some messed up kid that needs your pity- I'm fucking fine on my own!"

Jaemin's eyes widened a fraction as Chenle's face contorted in despise, and his sharp glare made the blue-haired boy incredibly uncomfortable. The war of explosive churning that rampaged through his chest refused to cease, and merely grew as he watched the male in utter rage- only it wasn't rage.

It was every emotion he had locked inside of him- sadness, loneliness, hatred- everything, all in one moment.

"I don't need a therapist! Stop acting like I'm damaged goods- I'm as fine as anyone else!" He shouted, too many thoughts drowning him on the inside.

"You're-"

"I don't want to fucking hear it, I've heard enough bullshit for the moment," Chenle seethed, his eyes narrowed in pure spite.

"But-"

"Out." Chenle commanded, and Jaemin blinked distantly.

Utterly confused and shocked by his sudden explosion of emotion, Jaemin was quite taken aback when Chenle defiantly pointed towards the door, his jaw clenched and his eyes choked by too many emotions to process.

Chenle's eyes challengingly narrowed as they flared into a Jaemin, and they creeped him out- pure malevolence tainting his irises.

Jaemin, however hesitantly, heeded his instructions, and he knew that he couldn't get through to him when he was like this. Pulling open the door, Jaemin reluctantly stepped through the doorway and left, leaving Chenle to his thoughts.