A Voyage Towards the Horizon

📷 30: The Reason

AMALIA

Parang asong nakawala sa hawla kung makasayaw ako sa gitna. I did all the dances I knew. May it be a sexy one, a  folk dance, a hip hop---name it all.

But with the asong-nakawala-sa-hawla thing is kinda exaggerated. I just danced there. Lost with club music and with the alcoholic drinks I drank from every table I saw.

I have never been this wild. I'm more of a composed and a controlled one. Hindi ko alam pero noong igalaw ko ang balakang kasabay ng musika ay tuloy tuloy ko nang nakalimutan ang lahat. All I knew is that I need to dance.

And I felt free. No more etiquettes or proprieties, decorums or decencies. No need to keep myself behind the line.

Here. I'm not the SC President Amalia. Not the topnotcher Amalia. Not the classy and the gracefull Amalia. Not the perfect daughter of my father. I'm  just---Amalia.

And I don't know if I want to go back. My life here is good. Good and enough for me. I have friends. Real ones. I have a gorgeous and a sexy lover. Meh. San yun galing?

I only have to look after myself. Amilo's not a burden for me though. I love him genuinely. It's just that....I'm tired of being both a mother and a sister to him---because I also need one.

"Oh the bitch got the nerve to be here." natigil ako sa pagsayaw at hinarap ang nagsalita. At sino pa ba? Of course, Roberta the great is here. It's her bestfriend's party anyway.

"Hi!" bati ko habang nakangiti ng todo. "But I'm sorry Roberta, I am not here for you." binalingan ko ang babaeng nasa likod niya. "Daniella! Happy birthday!--in advance." I chuckled at nakipagbeso pa sa kaniya. Bahagya kong tinabig si Eugenia na nasa gilid dahil paharang-harang.

Kita ko ang pagkagulat sa mga mukha nila kaya siguro hindi sila nakapagreact kaagad.

"And why can't I be here? Am I not invited?" inosente kong tanong sa tatlo, may halo na ng alak sa sistema. How rude of them to exlude me from the list? I'm getting sad.

"Of course duh." umikot ng 360° ang mga mata ni Roberta. "This party is only for the rich people. Elites honey."

"Am I not?" kumunot ang noo ko, a little bit offended. "I am rich. My dad's a general. He earns a lot of money. We own a big house in an exclusive subdivision. Lots of cars. I go to a high-end school. And wait--I run that school. I am the head of the council. I have socialite friends. Social climber friends. I have everything!" bulalas ko at humalakhak ng todo.

"What are you talking about?" naguguluhang tanong ni Eugenia habang nakataas ang isang kilay. I smiled.

"Oh silly me." tinampal ko ang noo when I realized something. "I don't have everything. I dont have a mom." tumawa ulit ako at pagewang-gewang na naglakad paalis.

Pagkadating sa mesa namin ay agad akong sumalampak sa upuan. "You didn't dance, people?" tanong ko sa mga kasama na nakatingin na sakin. How long was I gone? And by the way Lola Thelma's here too!

"God you're wasted." rinig kong sabi ni Lolo Riguel kaya nginitian ko siya. Lolo looks younger now. He looked really really handsome.

I'm not a heavy drinker kaya tinamaan kaagad ako nang chinug ko ang alak ng mga tao dun sa kabilang kabilang kabilang mesa.

"I am wasted?" itinagilid ko ang ulo dahil nahihilo ako. "Why is the table dancing?" I reached for it at ang bote kaagad ng brandy ang nahawakan ko. I drank it directly from the bottle.