Janto oneshots

Cutting edge

A/N:
Okay real talk time before we start this oneshot.
⚠️TW: self harm and cutting, other unhealthy coping mechanisms mentioned such as drinking, smoking and disordered eating (only briefly mentioned and not in detail)⚠️
That's all and I hope you enjoy the oneshot
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Jack sat between iantos legs on the soft bed, the arousal having left both of thier bodies at a startlingly fast speed as the welshman stared down at the captain in horror. How could he have forgotten? How could he have been so stupid? Maybe it would be okay... maybe jack wouldn't notice... maybe... he knew his luck had run out when jack traced one of the scars on his thighs. The captains eyes caressed the scars and cuts, some old some new as ianto trembled slightly in fear. His mind was racing ... he needed to think of an excuse and fast, the words came rushing out in a hot stream of fear "you see jack it's not what you think... my sister has this cat right? And it literally hates me and whenever I'm there it scratched the hell out of me and ... and..." he trailed off as jack crawled back up the bed, next to ianto. Had he gotten away with it? Jack didn't seem to be mad... the captain took Ianto's wrists in his hands and smoothed a thumb over the pale soft skin there, "it's strange isn't it... they always assume it's the wrists" he murmured softly. Ianto trembled in his arms, he expected jack to get angry like everyone else did, he expected him to yell and tell ianto that he was throwing his life away. Ianto squeezed his eyes shut and braced for the wrath... but it never came. He cracked an eye open, glancing briefly at jack. The captain's face was calm, it must be a trick, ianto thought. "I'm sorry" ianto choked out as hot tears filled his eyes "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he chanted, shying away from jack. "Hey hey hey" came jack's soft, soothing voice "it's okay nothing to be sorry for ... I'm not mad". Ianto glanced at him fearfully once more "you're ... disappointed?" He suggested, tears running down his cheeks... disappointed was somehow worse... but Jack shook his head. "I want to help you ianto ... let me help you" the immortal informed him earnestly, reaching out for him. Ianto trembled again, "I... you can't fix me there's too much to fix" he sobbed, burrowing into jack's chest. Jack shook his head, stroking Ianto's hair soothingly "no ianto you don't need fixing you just need someone to lo- help you" he mumbled. Ianto struggled against him "you don't understand" he fretted "it's not just ... I mean ... there's more". "Tell me" jack murmured. "W-well... there's ... there's smoking ... not much anymore... Lisa used to complain about it... said it was like kissing an ash tray" he huffed a laugh "but sometimes I need..." he trailed off holding his shaking hand up as proof before clenching his fist and carrying on "and the drinking ... not fun drinking ... alone to numb the pain drinking" he admitted, allowing jack to pull him impossibly closer. "What else?" the captain mumbled, resting his chin on the top of Ianto's head. Ianto panicked, "thats... that's it" he stuttered. Jack pressed a light kiss to Ianto's hair "no it's not...". Ianto caved "well..." he hesitated "theres this thing and ... and I know it's not good but ... I manage how much I'm going to eat ... some days I decide I deserve to starve and some days I eat just an apple but ... if I fail... I hate myself". "Oh ianto" jack sighed, his voice was thick and if ianto didn't know any better... he would have thought jack was crying. "Why?" Jack questioned in a low voice and ianto tensed, here it came ... the scolding. Jack's eyes widened as ianto stiffened in his arms "no no it's okay I just want to know why" he informed him gently. Ianto burrowed into jack's chest "control" he mumbled, tears burning his cheeks like acid.

They sat in silence for god knows how long before jack spoke again "I'm going to help you" he told ianto, "I-I'm gonna make sure you're okay a-and happy". Ianto glanced up in surprise as jack struggled to keep his voice steady, he reached out a hand and stroked the immortals cheek. It was wet with tears. "I'm sorry" Ianto mumbled. He didn't get a response as jack shook his head a scary thought entering his mind as he glanced down at the scars streaking across ianto's thighs "do you want to die?" He blurred out, the fear of losing ianto clouding his vision as ianto pondered the question a little too long. "No.... yes... I don't... I don't know" ianto whispered, his eyes widening in fear and realisation. Ianto blinked twice before reaching out "I-I .... jack" he stuttered, helplessly reduced to sobs as jack rocked him back and forth "it's okay..." jack murmured, ignoring the tears pouring down his own cheeks for the time being "it's okay I'm here ... I've got you.. I'm gonna help you... oh Ianto why didn't you tell me you were so desperately unhappy... I care so much about you don't you see that? I always have and I always will... you're perfect in every way... I don't know what I'd do without you"... and I love you jack added in his head not quite daring to add the words aloud. Ianto met his eyes, jack was horrified to find Ianto's diamond eyes filled with hurt and shame. "I suppose"
Ianto began shakily, tears still streaming down his cheeks "you'll want to check every day". Jack shook his head "no... because ... I just want you to be happy ... I'm going to check every now and again but ... I trust you to tell me ... when it happens and I'll help you and ... and you can always talk to me" he babbled quickly. Ianto leant against jack "thank you .... I do want to change I promise" his voice was barely above a whisper. Jack wrapped his arms around the welshman's waist "I'm not saying it'll be easy yan... but I Uhm ... I want to help and you really do mean a lot to me". Ianto shifted his eyes glistening with fresh tears as he glanced back up at jack "jack... I need to say this... and I'm sorry and you don't have to say it back ... but I love you".  Jack's brow furrowed as he swallowed "do you ... ianto do you really mean that? You're not just upset or...". Ianto diverted his eyes upon hearing jack's tone "sorry I...". Jack's eyes widened "no I... ianto no I love you too I..." he stumbled over his words.

They lay together as the night fell around them. Ianto slept that night but jack... jack did not. He lay watching his coffee boy sleep as silent tears streamed down his face. How could someone so beautifully perfect be in so much pain? Jack wanted nothing more than to take the pain away. However, he knew it wasn't that simple. Nothing ever was.