Running After The Dusk

15

Halt

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon nang marinig kong mag alarm ang phone ko. HInayaan ko munang tumunog yun ng tumunog hanggang sa maingayan ako dahilan para patayin ko ang alarm at bumalik uli sa pagkakahiga.

Another morning means another day of survival. When will I ever wake up getting excited for a new day? Pansin ko kasi simula nung dumating ako sa middle adolescence, I find it too hard to feel happy when morning invade the whole air. I missed feeling the way my coffee taste good in the morning, as if it was perfectly brewed by someone.

Siguro nga ngayong patanda ng patanda ay paunti na rin ng paunti ang rason para sumaya. sigh.

I stared at the ceiling for seconds before standing up to check my reflection on the mirror. Daig ko pa ang bruhilda sa sobrang gulo ng buhok ko. There are some strands falling and blocking on my face. Para akong dinaanan ng tsunami at ipo ipo dahil sa pagiging wagwag at parang walis tambo na texture. Napansin ko rin ang panis laway na nakadikit sa gilid ng mukha ko.

Sometimes I really wonder how some women wake up in the morning and still look beautiful. Yung kakagising mo palang tapos mukhang bagong ligo ka na agad.

I leaned closely to the mirror and surveyed my eyes. They were puffy, kitang kita rin sa ilalim ng mata ko ang dark circles. Para akong nagtrabaho sa call center dahil sa lalim ng eyebags ko. Sino ba naman kasing makakatulog kakaisip sa nangyari kahapon? I don't even know why I let that man hug me! Dagdag pa yung pagiyak at pagtulo ng sipon ko sa harapan niya. Yikes! Hindi ko na tuloy alam kung ano pang mukha ang maihaharap ko sakanya.

His scent left a mark on my pure existence and just by sm
But I can't deny the fact that the pain lessen a bit. Pero kahit na! Nakakahiya pa rin ginawa ko, baka sabihin niya tyansing ako.

"Ang tanga tanga mo!" Siguro may ilang beses na ko kagabi na sinabi yan sa sarili ko sa harap ng salamin. I kept on blaming myself as if it will change the fact that our body heat exchanged together.

Pinagsasabunutan ko ang sarili ko hanggang sa makapasok ako ng CR. That's right-no matter how much I try to hurt myself by pulling my hair, hinding hindi mababago ang nangyari kahapon.

I sighed as I brushed my teeth. Pati sa pagtotoothbrush ay sinisisi ko pa din ang sarili ko sa mga nangyari kahapon dahil katapat ko lang rin ang mukha ko sa salamin kaya tuwing titingin ako ay maiinis ako sa sarili ko. As soon as I finished, naghilamos ako ng mukha bago napagpasyahang bumaba. Mamaya nalang siguro ako mag aayos at maliligo dahil pwede namang malate kasi wala rin namang laro sila Cy ngayon.

Yeah, they lost the game yesterday, which is why no one bugged me out this morning. Kadalasan kasing alarm clock ko ay either tawag or text nila. Surprisingly, none of them did anything so I got the chance to sleep peacefully and wake up on a desired time.

"Yaya, may gatas pa?" Umupo ako sa dining area at kinamot ang braso ko. I stretched my legs and let out a yawn.

Still, nothing has changed. My morning feels empty because I was only alone here in the table. Ewan ko ba, naging routine ko na to at nasanay na din ako pero nakakaramdam pa din ako ng lungkot everytime titignan ko ang mga bakanteng upuan na nakapaligid sa mesa.

Actually, I sometimes asked the helpers to join me pero umaayaw sila. For once, I felt too offended because they rejected me, turns out that it was an order from my Dad and Auntie. They treat the people here as if they're in tge lower class just because of their job. Gustuhin ko man makisabay sakanila pero natatakot sila dahil baka madatnan nila Dad na kasabay ako kumain.

"Yaya ka diyan."

My pupils went huge when I heard a manly voice. I can't say that it belongs to him because this is my house at the first place. There's no way he could just enter here as if he owns this place. But that voice-I can't be wrong. It literally give a vibrate to my heart.