Running After The Dusk

37

Halt

"You guys can go now, I'll follow nalang."

I took a deep breath before watching the sea waves dump my feet. Hawak hawak ko ang see through ko na robe habang pinapagmasdan ang dahan dahang pagbaba ng araw. I literally enjoyed the whole day, same with my friends. It still feel surreal seeing all of us together in one place.

All of them are already changing their clothes for the bonfire later. Kasama kasi sa package na binook ni Kleo yung bonfire and stargazing. I can already see how the staffs are preparing the lights and stuffs for later. Nagpaiwan lang ako sandali dahil gusto ko munang makaramdam ng kapayapaan kahit papaano.

It took years for me to finally be happy again. Getting out of my comfort zone is one of the best things I did so far. Minsan nga napapaisip ako, kung matagal ko na kayang nagawa to, ganto rin ba kasaya ang pakiramdam ko? kung pinili kong magmahal dati, masaya rin kaya ako? It still hit me everytime that thought rolls up my mind.

Vino was the only reason why I started to overcome my fear of everything. I remember that I was never transparent about my feelings, I never cried, I kept all the pain inside me but when he came, he just made me realize that being weak isn't bad at all. Kung hindi kaya siya ang minahal ko ngayon, magiging ganto pa rin ba ko kasaya?

"Mom, how are you doing up there?" I looked at the clouds, it was already filled with stars even though the sun isn't fully going down yet. I remember her telling me that all the dead people are gathered up there, shining like a diamond.

"You probably might hear me, I just wanted to say that I'm happy now- genuinely happy. All the things that happened made me realize that being in pain is normal... I really thought I would just feel that for the rest of my life." I laughed, as if she was really here having conversation with me."But guardian angels really exist, huh? Was he the one you delivered so someone could guard me?"

Sometimes, I always think Vino that way. I don't really believe in guardian angels. They're some sort of fictional characters that were made by people. But when it did happen to me, I end up eating my own words.

"I could never been more thankful for that gift. I just hope that you won't take him to me because..... I don't wanna feel the same heartbreak again, Mom." Just by remembering the time she was slowly dying, it pains me. Even though I didn't see the exact scene, I know that it must've hurt her because deep inside, she don't wanna leave me...but she had to.

"Baby, were- Hey, are you okay?" I automatically looked down when I heard Vino's voice. He can't see me like this, he can't see me crying again and again. I don't wanna be a bothersome to him or to what he is thinking.

I stood up, scratching my eyes. I have to pretend na napuwing lang ako dahil ayoko nanamang mag alala siya sakin. "Yeah of course. N-Napuwing lang ako, mabuhangin e."

Hindi pa rin siya kumbinsido kaya pinanliitan niya ako ng mata. I continued scratching my eyes so he could at least lessen his unconvinced feeling.

He cupped my face, slowly lifting it up. "Open your eyes, I'll blow it." Dahan dahan kong binuksan ang mata ko at hinayaan siyang hipan yon. He looked at me, flashing a small smile in his face. "Makati pa ba?"

"No, not anymore. Tara na, iniintay na ata nila tayo."

"You sure you're okay? We can still talk here for a while." He glanced at his wristwatch, holding my other hand. He really could see if I'm lying or not but I'm tired of telling him the reason why I was like this again. "They're still changing clothes." He added, squeezing my hands.