Bound by Blood

Chapter 25- another chance?

(Y/N) POV:

I follow him into the side room, even though my skin prickles when he closes the door, my mind immediately interpreting it in countless different ways; it's to allow us to talk undisturbed, it's for our privacy but a small hesitant and wary part of me whispers that the act blocks my only way out of the room, it means I have no choice but to stay and listen.

But that part of me worrying is eased slightly when he hovers slightly close, and it's with that closeness that I am able to see the slight puffiness under his eyes, an almost imperceptible downwards slope to his broad shoulders and his lips twist into a pained grimace.

"I'm—I'm so sorry." He breathes out, voice pained and wavering.

It makes me pause and startle. The distress in his tone is unmistakeable but when I thought of what would happen when we inevitably met- this wasn't what I was expecting.

It's such a stark contrast to our first meeting that it almost confuses me.

"What for?" I ask carefully, trying to keep my voice neutral- neither accepting nor harsh.

I'll give him something he failed to give me- a chance to speak. To explain.

He wrings his hands viciously, and I wince thinking how much force might be behind that gesture- the pain he's unconsciously inflicting onto himself. An outlet for his emotions.

  But it's not my place to stop him, to guide his hands away. Even if it pains me.

"I know it'll be incredibly hard and maybe impossible for you to forgive me. Maybe you won't. But I can't let my actions hurt everyone else. You didn't deserve to bear the brunt of my outburst. It wasn't fair." He says, voice wavering, spoken between sucked in breaths- as if he's attempting to stabilise himself, trying to maintain a composure.

I keep my face blank, even if it aches to see him so visibly hurting. Hurting because of his own actions.

"You're right. It wasn't fair. I didn't deserve it." I say levelly.

His face falls at the hurt that flashes across my face. Makes his hands tremble where they sit on his lap.

"You didn't. And I know that my actions can't be justified. I jumped to unfair conclusions, didn't give you the opportunity to speak- threw it all in your face." He adds, voice dripping with sorrow and shame for his actions.

As much as it hurts to see him suffering because of his actions, it's good that he recognises what he's done wrong- that he's apologising for the right reasons.

"My soul ached when I saw you with the Ims, it was like you fit so well and then I saw the mating mark and I lashed out to stop myself from getting hurt more. Told myself that if I focused on the fact that you were human, then maybe it'd be easier to bear, easier to forget. But it didn't. It hurts so, so bad- my mind keeps telling me to focus on what I've been taught but every inch of me yearns for your presence, to get closer, to know you. I-I—feel so out of control." He gasps before his body begins to shake with shudders, hands going to fist desperately into his hair, body trembling. His head bows dejected and lost- such a vulnerable gesture that it sends my heart reaching out for him, every part of me wishing to comfort him.

Even though he's suffered, at least he knows where he went wrong- and he doesn't deserve to have spent these past few weeks silently tormenting himself. I know how it feels to be a victim to your mind- I know how much regret fills your every fibre of being, mind constantly replaying the scene over and over in your mind.

I know because that's what my mind had been doing about Jimin.

And I know how desperate I had been to make amends. And though I had been rejected, apology shunned and discarded- I knew this man didn't deserve that.