Bound by Blood

Chapter 113- the countdown begins

JIN POV:

To be the eldest mate and to see my younger mates made me feel sick, worthless. It made me more than eager to spend time with Chul whilst the others were out or busy. It made me grow to relish the look of fear that flickered into his otherwise empty eyes when I entered. It made me bitterly happy to see how he'd try to shrink back even if he was paralysed, eyes widening and lips straining and struggling to move.

It made me feel vicious, made me careless for whether I'd become a monster in the process.

Sometimes you could only fight fire with fire, and perhaps I needed to lower myself to become a monster to be near Chul.

But if I became one and at the end of the day my mates never had to set their sights on this pathetic thing that was whimpering in front of me, then I didn't care.

But even with every scream that tore out of his ragged throat, with every droplet of sweat that rolls down his clammy skin, with every tear that spills over without consent I feel pleased.

Even if a part of me twists in disgust, even if my hands remain unsoiled with blood, without the vile liquid that is his essence- I can feel the phantom stickiness, can feel how liberally my hands would be coated.

And even with every moment of pain, with every day I go to see him- I come back to try and clean myself of the deeds. Try to leave every single emotion of anger, resentment, hatred, and bitterness beyond the wards of our nest. To remove the exterior, the hard-impenetrable mask of Kim Seokjin, vampire of centuries, to Jin...just Jin, their mate.

And despite how hard I'd thought it would be to forgive myself, expecting to be swamped in guilt, with nightmares- it's almost frightening just how easily Chul leaves my mind and how quickly it becomes occupied with my seven mates, with seeing them in different parts of the house, being with each other, all upto their own tasks and yet connected.

It's easy to forget when the others have knowing looks, when one or the other will come to me at some point and seek out details, ravenously taking them up as if they're tender morsels offered to them in the form of information, detail. And to see the way the anger flickers out their eyes when they hear that Chul is most definitely paying

It's easy to forgive when Yoongi mumbles thank you's against my skin as he nestles himself in my arms and splays on top of me, pressing kisses across my collarbones and neck. It's easy when Jiminie and Tae tag-team to shower me with their affection and thanks, fangs scraping teasingly but words sincere and earnest, eyes flickering with silent gratitude for being the protector. It's easy when Kookie, the most tender and soft-hearted of all of us before (Y/N) claimed equal rights on that, tells me just how much of an energy rush he gets when he sees me all fierce and protective and kisses me breathless. It's easy when Joon calmly discusses with Hobi what sort of plants could paralyse Chul and whether it'll be a better alternative to Tae's venom as they lie on either side of me, hands joined over my stomach. And Hobi replying nonchalantly, as if he hasn't been using his healing abilities only to restore Chul back to prime health so the vicious cycle of pain and punishment can begin again.

It's easy when I see (Y/N) trying so hard to heal, dutifully taking tonics, allowing Hobi to regularly check her neck at the most random of times- be it as she steps into the kitchen, is about to leave, or when she's been cuddling, or playing with the maknaes. And when she allows Joonie to guide her down onto her lap to apply herbal pastes to her throat, bruising lessening day by day. And I know I've done good when she cuddles on my lap and whispers her thanks into my ear, confiding she's getting better quick so she can be there for Yoongi.

Because it all makes me realise that I'm not a monster. Not when my actions are bringing about happiness to them, when they are healing because of them. Not when Chul is only being tormented for what he's done to my mates. Not when I'm doing what the laws allow me to, when I'm doing what I'm permitted to. Not when he himself has violated endless treaties, laws, and rights, violating lives and ruining families heartlessly.