Chapter 40: Possibility

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I sat on that bed for I don't know how long while my thoughts consumed me like hungry dogs. I don't want to feel this emotion again. I really hate the feeling of betrayal. I hate the feeling of trusting people around me only to end up seeing them turning their back at me. I hate the idea of betrayal to the point that I don't want to have anything to do with the people who did that to me; that's why I canceled out even my own family so I can have my peace of mind— even if it means living alone and dragging myself to where I should be headed to.

I want to cry and let this feelings out of my chest but my system won't cooperate. It's like my body is tired of crying. My body is tired of feeling the same emotion over and over again that even if I'm torn inside, I couldn't cry anymore— and that's the scariest feeling of them all; I can't express my own emotions anymore. I feel so empty; so fed up with almost anything and everything.

I held onto my phone and it lit up, showing me a notification from Instagram and there I saw my wallpaper. It's our photo inside the club where Mew kissed my cheeks and I felt whole again. From the screen I felt how he took care of me and how he cared for me. I felt how he cherished every single moment we shared together despite having the odds against us. I was reminded that I'm not alone in this battle— that I have him now and I'm unconsciously holding on to his words that he will never leave me.

Jennie's words rang inside my head and the bitterness once again spread like wildfire. I know it's been years since that happened and I shouldn't make a big deal out of it because I was the one who chose to break up with him. I was the one who chose to turn him into a fool and left him wonder on his own as to what he had done to deserve my decision.

I weakly smiled as I looked at our picture again. I need to have at least a little faith in my man. Jennie's words may have cut through me but I know what ever happened in the past shouldn't be used against a person because that is plain... traumatic.

My system calmed down after I don't know how long.  Mew must be thinking that I'm such a close minded person for not letting him explain. It was a dick move, I know but I just can't help it. The hurt child inside me tends to push everyone away when pain has succumbed him. I don't want pain anymore. If I can, I will reject anything and everything that offer such emotion but... Mew is different. He didn't mean to hurt me now. Whatever the reason is behind his kissing with my brother, I know he values me more now than he had years ago; that's the only thing I'm sure about.

With that thought in mind, I got off the bed and was about to go out of the room when my phone rang. It displayed Jennie's name and my forehead creased immediately. Without another thought, I answered her call.

"Jennie?"

"Gulf... I'm sorry for what I've said." she started while her voice was laced with regret. "I shouldn't have said that. I should have been happy for you and well... the thing that I saw years ago shouldn't be an issue now. I-It was not my story to tell and I am so sorry for... causing an uproar of emotions to you again." I heard her heaved a sigh and I can't help but smile. "I know you so well and I unconsciously used that to turn the tables against Mew. I'm sorry if I had to bring that up when you are clearly having a good time with your boyfriend."

"Jennie it's fine..." I assured her. "I-I was just... surprised earlier but all is fine now. You don't have to say sorry because I know you are just concerned with me." I smiled and sat on the bed once again. "You saw me bleed and suffer through the years we are together in college and I couldn't blame you for feeling that way. You cared for me more than a real sibling would do and that alone is enough for me not to hate you."

"Gulf..."

"Girl it's okay!" I cheerfully said and I can't help but laugh because this is what gets her everytime— my feminine voice. "I mean... you are just protecting me from possible harm but I assure you that everything is fine now. Mew and I finally resolved things and I'm happy with that. I hope you will be happy for me."

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