In Flames // 9-1-1 Fox (seasons 1-4)

thirty-five

"Shit fuck fuck FUCK!" Mariana growled as she sprinted into the firehouse. After a night full of nightmares and tossing and turning, she finally fell asleep on the couch which was too far from her alarm to wake her up. She woke up with ten minutes before her shift started and she didn't feel right to drive. With her work bag slung over her shoulder, she had sprinted to work and made it seven minutes late.

Exactly seven minutes because Chimney was standing in front of the door and waiting for her. He clicked the button on the stopwatch and sighed. "Late again, Mari."

"Fuck off," she snapped. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Mariana! This is the second time this week."

"Look, I'm sorry but I've been a bit busy with work," she growled. "Get off my ass."

"You look exhausted."

"I know my limits!" Her anger was so loud and so raw that the entire apparatus bay fell silent, all eyes staring at the dark haired woman. Her chest heaved with harsh, gasping breaths. "What the fuck are you all looking at?!"

Without another word to Chimney, she stormed off to the locker room to get in uniform. Buck glanced up from where he was tying his boots. Hen was tucking her shirt into her pants and Eddie was adjusting his wristwatch, not looking at the others in the room. An oppressive silence pushed down on them but Buck decided to break it.

"Hey, you okay?" Buck asked gently. Mariana snapped and threw her bag down.

"Why the fuck is everyone up in my business? Who the fuck do you think you are, okay? I'm fine! I'm peachy FUCKING keen." Mariana stripped out of her workout clothes and pulled on her uniform as she yelled. "Stop. Just stop caring. Stop asking. I'm fine."

Like a tornado, she was gone just as quickly as she appeared. The three glanced at each other and Hen sighed. "You ever want to know what Mari was like before Bobby joined this house? There you go."

///

Wind whipped stray tendrils of her hair across her tan skin but the latina paid no mind. Her eyes were fixed on the cars flying around the track before her. She wistfully watched them, a sense of longing settling in her chest.

"You're not fine," Chimney sighed from next to her. Hen and Eddie were transporting the husband and wife to the hospital, leaving Chim, Buck, and Mari.

"What gave it away?" she drawled.

"You're looking at that race track like it's the only place you want to be in this world."

"You're trying to play Bobby right now and it's not going to work."

"No, I'm being Chimney, your friend, right now."

Her golden eyes flickered from the racetrack to cast her gaze on Buck and Chimney caught the meaning easily. "Hey Buck, why don't you go put the supplies back and get prepped for our next call?"

Buck reluctantly made his way towards the truck while Chimney steered Mariana towards the cars. She leaned against one of the old beaters and sighed, her shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world was crushing her.

"You look exhausted," he observed, leaning against the car across from her.

"I am. Leslie is letting me work up to three shifts a week. I...I'm having nightmares." Her foot kicked a rock off in the distance and she refused to make eye contact with him.

"Nightmares about what?"

"Luis. The car crash, both of them. Jess. Shannon. All the people I couldn't save."