In Flames // 9-1-1 Fox (seasons 1-4)

thirty-nine

Buck would be fine. Chimney had called them twenty minutes ago with the news and Mariana had simply sat down next to Christopher's bed and just stared at the young boy fast asleep before her.

Eddie insisted on driving her back to his place while they waited for the call from Chimney. She didn't even argue and just followed him and Chris to the truck. Her nearly catatonic state scared the hell out of him but somehow, he understood.

Which is why he didn't question when she just sat down next to Christopher's bed and stroked his hair until he fell asleep. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Mariana was gripped with the constant, debilitating fear of losing her family. Other times, like now, it was clearly obvious.

He didn't speak and just sat next to her, keeping his hand on her thigh as a reminder that he was there for her. She just bowed her head and leaned into his chest, her hand coming up to grip the collar of his shirt as she trembled against him.

"We can sit here as long as you need," he whispered against her hair. She nestled her cheek against his beating heart and let him pull her into his lap. He didn't mind that they didn't move for another hour. Eddie just held her.

///

"I'm going to regret giving you a key, aren't I?" Buck sighed as Mariana tossed her purse onto his counter and made her way to the couch.

"I brought some meds for you and some snacks that'll be good for your weak ass blood," she commented, pushing his legs over so she could sit next to him. Mariana turned off the TV and turned to face him.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine."

She rolled her eyes and poked his side with her toes, causing his face to screw up in disgust. He batted away her foot and sighed, knowing that she wouldn't stop until he talked.

"I'm pissed that they won't let me go back to work," he admitted.

"Yeah, well, it would be nice to know there was a limited chance of you dying on a call," she snorted. His anger flared up again and he quickly pulled away from his best friend and crossed his arms over his chest. Mariana sat up straighter and grimaced at his cold demeanor.

"C'mon Buck, I didn't mean it like that," she groaned.

"So how did you mean it? My only dream in life is being a firefighter and now I'm losing that. Yet you get to go back already! You don't know what it's like."

"Twice now I've been by your side as you nearly died. Don't you forget that," she warned. Mariana was on edge already with her own emotions and he was testing her limits.

"As if I haven't had to go to the hospital to visit you," he snarked back. "What do I have other than being a firefighter? Nothing."

"You have a life, Evan Buckley," Mariana snarled. She stood up quickly, her hazel eyes staring him down with an icy coldness he hadn't seen in a very long time. "I'd much rather you lose your job than your life. Seeing you covered in blood made me absolutely sick and on blood thinners, the risk of losing you is too great."

"You don't get to make that choice, Mariana. It's my life and if I want to risk it, I will!" He stood to face her, planting his hands on his hips.

"I've buried too many people, Luis, and I refuse to bury you too!" Her voice was so sharp, so clear, and so loud that he instantly froze. The two friends stared at one another until she turned away quickly so he wouldn't see the tears building in her eyes.

"Fuck you, Evan Buckley," she spat before she turned on her heel, grabbing her purse and throwing his key down on the counter, and stormed out of his apartment. Buck let out a quiet "fuck" and fell back against the couch, dropping his head into his hands.

///

Mariana climbed the stairs to the second floor of the firehouse and made a beeline towards the sink to wash the remainders of the grease off of her hands. The rest of her team were working on dinner prep as she tinkered with the engine on one of the trucks.

"Maddie said Buck hasn't left the apartment in a week," Bobby announced.

"Yeah, she's tried to get him to go out a couple of times but it's always 'why would I need to leave? Everyone delivers!'" Chimney chuckled.

"Won't even take my calls," Bobby added.

"He's just sulking, Cap. He'll get over it," Eddie said.

"Hey, I like to give Buck crap just as much as any of you," Hen chided. "But this was a body blow guys. Guy's allowed some time to mourn."

"Question is how much time? I mean this daily routine of walking back and forth from the bed to the couch all the time isn't really going to help the situation."

"Look, I know it sucks but that's life, right? Whenever stuff didn't work out for me, my dad told me to brush it off and keep moving forward. Wasn't easy, but he wasn't wrong."

"Move forward to what?" Hen pointed out. "I mean, we all had lives and jobs before we entered the department. And we have things outside of it. What does Buck have?"

"Buck has us. Even though he may not believe that right now," Bobby said. "Isn't that right, Mari? Haven't you spoken to him?"

"Evan made it very clear that he doesn't care as to what happens in his life and that my concern isn't necessary," she quipped. "He might be feeling sad right now, but at least he isn't in a fucking casket. But he has made it known that I can go fuck myself. So yeah, I guess you are right."

"Oh come on, don't tell me you two had a fight," Chimney groaned.

"It's whatever. I'm not going to sit around and watch him wallow. You can all handle that. I'm done."