In Flames // 9-1-1 Fox (seasons 1-4)

thirty-six

Mariana Ramirez had two thoughts when she returned to the land of the living: drugs made her mouth taste funny and she felt like she was hit by a bus.

She had been awake before, but not fully coherent. She remembered snippets of hushed voices, soothing remarks, and a gentle touch on her hand and brow. Part of her wanted to lean into the touch and cling to the softness being shown to her. The "rational" side of her mind told her that it was wishful dreaming before she slipped back into a seemingly endless sleep.

But this time, she was coherent and fully aware of what was happening around her. With a pained groan, her head tilted to the side to find a face she never expected to see. The last time she saw him was years ago when he came by to visit their abuela and the Ramirez siblings.

"Hey gordita," he greeted softly, leaning forward so he could see her better.

"Carlos," she whispered out. "What're you doin' here?"

"The hospital called me as your family contact because your team was spread thin," he explained. "Hopped on the first plane from Austin to LA and came straight here."

She shifted slightly to alleviate the pressure on her back and legs. The slight movement sent a searing pain through her body and she bit back a shout of pain and instead let out a low groan and collapsed back against the pillows.

"Hey, take it easy. You've had a bit of time to heal up but you've got a while to go," Carlos assured her. He pressed the call button and then settled back in his seat.

"Bu...Buck? He okay?" she asked.

"That's your blond friend, right? He's fine. He's in the room next door because your team insisted that you two would want to be close. He's got a broken leg but they said with some PT, he'll be fine."

"And the others?"

"All fine and discharged already. The bomb was at the front of the truck. Other than four broken ribs and a fractured ulna, you'll be okay."

"Oh that's why it hurts like a bitch to breathe," she exhaled. "I'm really tired."

"You've been asleep for three days, cuz. A few more hours won't hurt. Can you stay awake until the nurse comes?"

She nodded pathetically and leaned her cheek against the pillow, her brown eyes watching him. "Been a while."

"It's been too long. What's this about you getting shot? Mari, they let me see your medical records and your captain told me a bit about what's gone on. When abuela came here to take care of you, we had no clue what had happened with Valentina and Daniel. We never knew, Mari, or we would have come and gotten you in a heartbeat. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I was scared," she admitted. Tears were filling her eyes and she bit her lip to try and hold back the lump of emotions building in her throat. "I didn't...I couldn't ask that of you."

"We would have done it without hesitation. You're family, Mariana."

"You don't understand," she cried. Hysteria clouded her voice and mind where she didn't even hear Anna come in to administer more pain meds. "Death follows me. I killed papi and mami and abuela and Luis and Jess. I killed Shannon. I wish it was me. Shannon would be alive. I hurt them."

Carlos shook his head and grabbed onto her hand. "No, Mari. It's not your fault. None of it is your fault. You can't think like that."

"I killed her. I wasn't good enough. It's my fault," she slurred out as the meds flooded into her system. "I'm sorry. I wasn...wasn't good enuf."

Her head lolled back as her body went limp, her eyes falling shut with sleep. Carlos squeezed her hand and glanced up at Anna and then at the figure standing in the doorway.