S U R R E N D E R

chapter forty seven

"Shit..." Jennie said under her breath as she struggled to pull herself on the couch, her main concern being to not pass out while laying on the floor. She didn't even know how much she had drunk but she was pretty sure that it was lot, Jennie was not someone to drink one or two glasses and pass out, her alcohol tolerance was bigger than anyone else on planet Earth. After what had happened in the hospital, the words that Jamie decided to share with her, Jennie had been feeling sick, so sick that she decided to get even sicker by drinking everything that contained alcohol in her house. She felt like a teenager again that was taking advantage of the fact that her parents were not home and they wouldn't be since they were visiting some friends in Melbourne. And Jennie, well Jennie was drinking on her kitchen floor without having any regrets, the only thing she wanted to do was make herself get over Lisa's absence.

"Jesus Christ," Jennie sighed and closed her eyes once she managed to lay on her back , everything around her spinning as she desperately tried to calm herself down. Having another person to relate to, especially another adult that was going through the same thing she was going through in a way, really had a toll on Jennie who had asked some time away from her shift. "Lisa..." The name dropped from her mouth without her even realizing it did, the tears that had started forming in the corner of her eyes for some time now rolling down her cheeks, flowing like a river does. "Why are you such a coward..." Jennie kept on talking, asking questions that she may never get the answers to but acting like she had Lisa sitting right next to her on the couch. "Why can't you just risk it one more time..." Jennie asked another question, the sobbing noises that escaped her lips not even bothering her, she was not in a state to understand what was going and it was understandable considering the amount of alcohol she had taken down.

"I-It fucking hurts Lisa, it r-really does," Jennie managed to say in between her sobbing, her hands coming up to wipe away the tears even though her face would be stained once again as the new round of tears would roll down her cheeks. "I miss you too much, I really do," Jennie spoke up again and kept her eyes closed imagining that she had Lisa in front of her or that she was on the other side of the line listening to her opening up her heart for her all over again. Things that she said too late and things that she never found the courage to tell her face to face. "I tried to stop but it's not something I can push away... I don't just like you," Jennie paused and took some time to breathe in properly when she felt like the oxygen was not enough anymore, her lungs closing in on her and not allowing much air to go through them.

"I love you and it hurts so much because you'll never be mine now," the drunk woman gave up on trying to talk to the person still stuck in her head, her lungs giving their best performance by enduring such intense crying, her gasps in need of air and oxygen becoming even more frequent the harder she cried alone, laying on her couch with an empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. "I o-only want y-you stupid" was the last thing she could voice, the only occasion that her voice came up again and echoed in the house was due to her intense crying session, the woman curling up into a ball and holding her knees close to her chest just like babies sleep. She really thought that she would be able to move on, not right away but eventually she would be able to understand that Lisa was not available anymore.

It had been two months, December was going away and New Year's was approaching slowly but surely. She didn't want to be stepping into the new year without her by her side, she was a firm believer that whatever you do or whoever you're with that day then you'll be with them for the rest of the year. Even though she would rather have Lisa for the rest of her life on that Earth a year sounded very appealing now that she didn't have her at all. "What the hell..." Jennie cussed when the annoying sound of her phone ringing was heard echoing throughout the entire living room, Jennie reaching out with much struggle to grab it from the coffee table. "It's 2AM, what do you want?" Jennie said as soon as she picked up waiting to hear Chaeyoung chuckle from the other side of the line. "Jen," Lisa's voice was heard instead, Jennie's heart stopping immediately as she even paused her breathing for a couple seconds.