Fifty Pushups Miss ☑️

Epilogue.

That call from Beta formed a scar in my heart - one that read 'Why Dad?'.
He tried to answer that before ending everything but it will never be enough to heal my scar.

We came back to KMA after Dad's last rites were done. It took everything in me to stay quiet, to not shed a tear for all he was a traitor amidst the army of loyal men.

I could feel eyes on me - so many pairs that I couldn't stand.

Uncle understood that I needed privacy and he ordered everyone to not disturb me till I ask.
Ren would come see me every six hours and leave. I sat in my room all day all night with a photo of my dad and mum in my hands. I don't remember when I stopped crying and when I restarted.

Martins called me up twice but I didn't pick up. He must have talked to uncle because he didn't bother me after a message-

'I know it's hard for you. I can't even imagine what you're going through. Just know that I'm here for you. You're not alone. I am and will be by your side forever. I know you're a strong woman and that you'll fight this back hard. I'll wait for your call. Reply whenever you feel like. And once again, you're not alone, dear. I'm with you.'

That's what dad said.
That's what mum used to say.
You're a strong girl.

Am I really that strong?

.
.

"Sweetie pie, it's been two days.. Come get some fresh air.. Eat something... You'll fall ill dear."
Ren said during one of her follow ups.

"I don't want to. I'm fine."
I said not looking into her eyes.

I knew she wanted my good. But I had no strength. I was numb and I wanted to stay numb.

She sighed and left, closing the door.

******

I was rubbing my dad's face in the photo when suddenly my door opened with a bang.

"Get up."
He commanded. He was angry. Not as much when his brother almost died because of me, but significantly angry.

"I can't.."
"I thought I specifically told you that I don't hear those words. Now get up before I lift you up myself."

He looked at me sternly.
There's no way he's not going to do what he just said. He'll follow through his warning.
I rubbed the tears in my eyes and tried to get up. I felt so weak in my knees, I nearly fell.

He grabbed me by my elbow and helped me stand straight.
I looked at him with questioning eyes.
What now?
What do I do now?
What can I do now?

He looked at me intently and said "Your fault. You didn't eat food for three days straight, and got so sick. Your fault that you can't stand on your feet right now. All your fault."
He said those words to me looking into my eyes.

"We'll go to med care."
He started pulling me lightly but firmly.

"I don't want to see white linen."
A tear escaped my eyes before I could wipe it.

He sighed loudly closing his eyes.
"Fine. We'll go to mess. And I don't care if you don't want to meet people."
He said before I can say that.

I was pulled forward firmly.
I used my other hand to hold on to his arm.
I don't know why I did that.
It felt like he's my own.. Like my family. He didn't give two shits to my pathetic state and knocked me off the floor. Something that my nosy brother would do, if only I had one.

He stopped in his track looking at me as if asking the same question - Why'd you do that?
"I feel comforted and.. safe...?"
I told more to myself.
He sensed my awkwardness and looked away.