The Transfer ✔️

Chapter Thirty-One - Remorse

Chapter Song: One of Those Days (Piano version) - Gabrielle Aplin

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The wind gently tugs at the strands of my hair. Swirling it around my head as it remains bowed. Blonde strands block my view, but I don't move. I let them tangle and sway around me. Proof of life dancing around my eyelids whilst I watch death resting in my lap. The gentle wind doesn't do anything to stop the burning inside of me. Whilst my hair reacts instantaneously to it, my soul only burns brighter with every passing moment.

My hands are cold, but I don't move. Flexing them would mean moving and I dont think I'll ever move again. The past eight years of my life have been dedicated to moving, but in this instant, every muscle has disappeared. My body, so trained for orders is disobeying the commander: my mind. I know I should move; I'm screaming inside until my voice is raw but my body still doesn't move.

Through the numb fog of my brain, my eyes trace over Ruby. Her shut eyes are still, not scrunching like they do when she sleeps. A straight nose leads right down to her lips which have lost their color, a thin white line across a face which should be shining with youthfulness and prosperity. Any signs of life are gone – but that doesn't mean I am.

I sit with her in my lap, my legs tucked under me. Hunched over her body, I feel a primal urge to protect her. Such a small body, fragile in every sense, should not be handled by anyone but me. Her small hand is still in my own, but I'm holding onto it in desperation now. Willing her to wake up and giggle and push me back. Laugh and wrap her skinny arm around my waist. Guide me into the canteen and complain about the food.

Instead she lies still. Her chest not moving anymore from the defeat of the battle against death. Its won. Ruby's body has held up the white flag.

I flinch when a hand lands on my shoulder. Jerking back from the contact, I look up to see Leonardo looking down at Ruby. He bites his lips as his eyebrows draw together in concern. He cannot be feeling the gut-wrenching pain that I am. Maybe he is. Leonardo's known Ruby longer than me.

A minute passes as we both look at Ruby. As I come back to my senses, the smell of smoke fills my nostrils. I don't like it. Any attackers seem to have left or been killed so it's only the camp left. Most people are inside – or dead, I realize with a jolt – so only the medical people are left on the field. Their white jackets startling against the scorched ground.

Leonardo moves and sits down beside me. He takes my hand that's clasped around Ruby's and for one moment, we're all connected. I have never wanted something to last longer in my life. I whimper as he removes my hand from hers. Gentling placing Ruby's hand to the ground, I go to grab it again when Leonardo takes my hand in both of his. The warmth of life feels unusual after Ruby's cold body.

"You need to come inside, Auds." He whispers slowly to not startle me. I wonder if I look at petrified as I feel.

I shake my head in rebuttal. "I'm not leaving her."

"You have to," I begin to open my mouth but he continues before I can refuse his point. "The medical soldiers will look after her."

I stay silent, it will get my point across better than words can.

Leonardo allows me another five minutes on the ground, holding my hand and staying patient. We don't talk the whole time but, in my head, I apologize to Ruby over and over. I failed her. This is my fault.

Shifting, Leonardo drops one of my hands to wrap it around my upper arm. He lifts me gently but my legs give out anyway. I'm almost crumpled against the ground when his arm wraps around my waist, pulling me up beside his body that acts as a pillar of support.