The Transfer ✔️

Chapter Thirty-Six - Revelations

Chapter Song: Devil in me - Halsey

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"I nearly got you there." Elise protests, following me down from the main mat.

I stop in the middle of the Defense base, spinning around to face her, my face hot from exertion. "You nearly did. I still won, which is the important thing."

Elise bursts out laughing and shoves my shoulder with her right hand. My shoulder throbs from her well placed hit. I can't deny that she's nearly at the same level as some of the best fighters in the camp but I can deny that she's better than me. It's turned into a friendly challenge which I probably take too seriously. But what leader looses to their own followers? A disgraced one.

"Shut up. I'm better than you." She grins.

"I'm better and that's the main thing. When there's someone better than you out there you're always in danger of losing," I say, my tone strict. I wince when Elise raises an accusing eyebrow at me. "Sorry, that was harsh."

She gently takes me by the arm and walks me a couple of meters to a more secluded area. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." I say confidently. People always believe confidence no matter what lies it's projecting.

She hums and crosses her arms. "You say it's nothing yet your mood for the past week and a half has been anything but fine."

"Leonardo and I had a fight that's ruined us," I sigh. Elise's eyes widen but she remains silent until I reveal more. "He wanted more connection and PDA. Labels. I don't want that – can't have that – so we disagreed and fell out."

"For a week and a half?" She asks, aghast.

My heart clenches. "Yeah, we've only talked at leader meetings."

"Do you miss him?"

Missing him creates more pain inside of me than a lack of oxygen would. "Yes."

"Then maybe you need to put what you want above what you should do for once in your life. I've never seen you commit to something that isn't Defense related. Maybe this will be healthy for you."

"She's perfectly healthy, I'm making sure of it. Brought her lunch yesterday." Matt proclaims, walking over to us with his smile on full display.

"You're in charge of this," Elise motions to me before looking back at Matt. "Yes? You need to be responsible."

"Of knife throwing. Of course." He teases and I send him a relieved smile when he meets my eye over Elise's head.

Matt's been a rock for me in the past week and a half. As somebody who understands my refusal to acknowledge emotions, he's allowed me to revert into myself and concentrate on training. He's even taken over some of my regular trainees so that I can get some space. Taken me food. Kept me alive during the day before Evelyn comes and takes over during the night - making me talk and eat more food. They're apparently both concerned about how much I'm training. I'm not worried.

My support system is fully up and running in this week and a half. With Matt, Evelyn, Elise and even Isaac sometimes checking to make sure I'm okay there's never a moment where I wish for company. But despite the constant caring, nothing has mended the numbness inside of me. An empty, pit of loneliness which I know only Leonardo can fill. It feels most prominent when I look around a full room and realize how alone I am. It's a numbness I'm going to have to get used to based off the current situation with both of us. Our stubbornness is lethal, but I won't be the first one to give in.

I won't and I can't.

Matt stays with me for the rest of the day. Brings me lunch and together we sit on a mat to eat. Sometimes it's for ease due to our workload that we eat in the base but most of the time it's the fact that I don't want to face Leonardo. I'm desperate to see him but at the same time I understand the more I see him the more I'll want him. Wanting something that I can't have for the first time in my life.