Bad Times at Sunrise (La Fortuna Series #3)

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21

Insatiable

"Why do you try so hard?" he asked in a leveled tone. Nang tahakin ng kotse ang isang pakurbang daa'y simple niyang iniliko ang steering wheel nito. "You always go the extra mile with everything in your life. Sa trabaho. Sa pagmamahal. Sa pamilya mo. Even when you're already doing your best, you still think it isn't enough."

"Sa totoo lang, 'di ko alam," masalimuot kong sambit.

Suddenly, I felt silly for blabbering too much. Ano siya, therapist ko? Aside from the embarrassment, the silliness I felt was also brought by my complex of not wanting people to know about my problems.

Kapag may tao akong pinagsasabihan ng mga problema ko tapos pinoproblema na rin nila ang mga ito, naiinis ako sa sarili ko. My problems were brought by my own actions and they were mine to deal with. Alone. It must be why I was a vessel of bottled-up emotions and, as he said, someone who tries so hard.

"When we give something of good value to someone, the happiness that comes along with it must flow both ways, Sunny. 'Di 'yong kapag nagbigay ka, 'yong binigyan mo lang 'yong masaya. Do you understand?" He glanced at me like a teacher desperate to see a response from his student. I simply nodded. "You are giving your best love to Isabel and I know she's happy about it. You should be, too."

Tumango ako, 'di lang dahil sa naiintindihan ko siya kundi dahil na rin sa kagustuhan kong lisanin na ang topiko namin. What was I so dramatic about?! Sunny Vega's not born to contemplate about life's ups and downs and to submerge herself into grief!

Isabel's condition was real, and it might be sad and hard for me, but there's nothing else I could do about it. Maybe, contrary to me thinking I was giving her my best love, I actually wasn't. Kaya ako miserable kasi alam kong may kulang... may mali. What I focused on was the life I could give her, but what about her? What about us... and our bond? Our quality time?

"Thanks Ico," I said, turning to him. "That means a lot to me. Pero pwede next time, 'wag kang tunog propesor? You can act normal with me. Unlike you, I'm not judgmental."

A ghost of a smile flashed across his face. "You saying I'm judgmental is also you being judgmental, though."

"Alam mo ikaw," pabitin kong sambit. I tssed. "Pero salamat ah? Dahil sa 'yo napagtanto kong dapat na 'kong tumigil sa kadramahan kong 'to. I mean, this whole drama thing doesn't resonate with my motto!"

"What motto?" His brows furrowed.

I smirked. "When life fucks you hard, just moan."

"Hm, I have something quite the same."

"Okay then, what?"

"Life is like a dick. It isn't always so hard."

My heart stilled when he let out a gruff chuckle. Pumula ang pisngi ko at nagpasalamat na lang na madilim at 'di niya 'yon napansin. I looked outside the window and as we drove along the same old country road, I wished we could always be this close and open to each other, but then... that would mean coming clean for me. Was I ready for that?

Gabi na nang makarating kami sa mansiyon ng mga Casagrande. Mabuti na lang at hindi siya nakita ni Lola Cordelia dahil alam kong iimbitahin niya pa itong maghapunan kapag nagkataon. He was tired from work and since he disliked social interactions, madi-drain lang ang energy niya sa pagiging talkative ni Lola.

Wow. Come to think of it, palagi kong iniisip ang kapakanan ni Ico, pero ang tagal bago ko natantong gusto ko siya! It must be my pride talking, huh? Or it could also be my defense mechanism, because I knew that falling for him was a foolish thing to do. Suntok sa buwan. Pangarap sa kawalan.