Destiel One Shots

75- Despair (15x18)

[A/N: As the title suggests, this little one shot is like a tiny continuation of the episode "Despair" of Season 15.
***DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED IT. HUGE SPOILER AHEAD.***

I just had to get this out. SO MANY EMOTIONS!! 😭😭😭]

● ● ● ● ● ● ●

      Goodbye, Dean. 

      Dean looks around the room, and Billie is gone, but so is Cas. Dean's eyes become glossy as he thinks about what was said to him barely a minute ago. Cas confessed to him. Cas told Dean all the things he couldn't believe. That he was good and selfless and kind. Castiel had been crying, but it was with a smile that he said, "I love you." To Dean. Dean can't contain the lump in his throat, but he tries desperately to. 

      His phone begins vibrating. It's Sam. His hand shakes as he drops the phone next to him. He can't answer. He can't. Tears make their way out of his eyes as he grabs his hair and gasps for air. Tears make their way on the floor as he thinks about Cas. 

      Castiel died with a smile. For Dean. He was smiling as the Empty wrapped him up and took him. How could he have done that? Right. Love. How could Castiel love him? How could he think of him as a good person? 

      Dean's thoughts are out of control as he tries to process everything. Cas made a deal for the Empty to get him when he was truly happy. Cas was happy confessing his love for Dean. The Empty came and took Cas. Cas, once again, saved Dean. Still, somehow, Dean can't believe it. 

      Then, Dean remembers. That night where he, Sam, and Mary were watching him die that day. The day where Cas was choking on some black goo when he was stabbed with the spear. He had said, "I love you. I love all of you." Dean didn't think that love was more than familial. Castiel had told it to everyone else too, but now... it's different. Now, he understands. His best friend was in love with him.

      Of course, Dean loves Castiel back. How could he not? He fought by his sides multiple times and was the one to raise him from perdition. They shared so many fun memories. But also memories that made him furious or depressed. Though nothing changed the way he feels about Cas. 

      Dean's heartaches as he realizes that he said nothing in return. Sobs escape him as he ignores the continuous calls. He didn't say anything back. He couldn't. He couldn't believe what was going on. Why couldn't he say something? An "okay" AT LEAST. He just told Cas to not do it, to not sacrifice himself. God, he didn't even acknowledge the "I love you." He just stood there, staring. Billie didn't have his heart under her control anymore, but it sure as hell felt like she did. 

      Dean can barely catch his breath as he thinks, "I need you back, Cas." 

      Eventually, Dean felt numb due to sitting on the floor for so long. His bones crack as he stands back up. He wipes his tears and clears his throat. He walks down the hallway, and he hears quick footsteps. 

            "Dean!? Cas!?" It's Sam. 

            "Sammy.." He tries to be loud, but his throat aches. 

      After a moment, Sam runs into view. His shoulders relax, but he furrows his eyebrows. 

            "Where's Cas? Did you kill Billie?"