Not The Same Girl

Chapter 31

When we pulled into the Anderson's driveway, the guys were standing in the front yard, I sigh softly taking the hand Papa offered me as I got out of the car, walking into the house where Jake and Max placed platters of food onto the kitchen counter before Mark and I took out small plates and glasses for the lemonade as well as cups for coffee or tea. I made Mama and Mrs. Cooper each a cup of tea before taking it into the living room where they were sitting huddled together with Mrs. Cooper having her arm wrapped around Mama's shoulders as she cried softly. I walked back into the kitchen and fixed them both a plate while Mark made one for Jerry and himself, the guys were all busy with their own plates. After placing the plates on the coffee table I make my way back into the kitchen where most of the guys were still. "Uh, if you guys don't have to go home, we can go down to the basement, there is an entertainment area there." I state softly they all nod as the follow me downstairs. "Wow." Max exclaims softly as they stared around the room. "The games are in the cubboard underneath the TV." I state softly as I make my way over to one of the plush leather lazy boys. I pick Landon's laptop up with a tight feeling in my chest as I stare at the stupid Hello Kitty stickers I stuck on it one day when I was irritated with him. Jake hugged me from behind as I held the laptop in my hand. "That is an intresting choice of decorations." Jake mutters softly as a soft laugh escapes my lips. "I was so irritated with him that day, we went to a party and this boy I had a crush on was sitting with me and we were talking and having fun, but when he leaned in for a kiss, Landon literaly flopped down on my lap breaking our moment. When we got home we were fighting and I was still pissed off when I woke up. I had these stickers laying around, I don't even know why, so I decided to stick them all over his laptop, gosh he was pissed." Jake laughs softly as he sits doen pulling me down onto his lap. "I can imagine, I would've been pissed as well." I laugh softly opening his laptop, and entering his password. The background was a picture of us, grinnig at the camera while I was on his back, we looked so happy as I wipe the tears that escaped as I stare into his familiar green eyes. "What's that?" Jake asks motioning to a folder, 'Millitary'. "He was planning on inlisting when we graduate." I state softly as I open the folder, a frown spreads across my face as I see a sub folder labeled 'For in case' opening it up to find three video's one named 'Mom and Dad' the second one was 'Mouse' and the third had 'Jake'. "This is weird." I state softly as Jake nods his head in agreement, "Should I open it?" I ask softly. "It's up to you baby." I move my finger over the mouse pad to the video that has my name on before opening it and clicking play. A chest comes in to view and in the background I can hear Lan's voice. "Fuck, I hate this thing, okay, I think it's recording." Then his face came into view with a small frown spread across his brows before he sighed and sat down on his desk chair. "God this is depressing, anyway." He sighs softly before smiling slightly at the camera. "I started making these video's for in case something happens after I inlist, I don't know why I started already, but I think I want practice, you know? So I can get it right. There is so many things I want to say to you. Anyway, if you stumble upon this while I am still alive shut it off dumbass, and stop snooping. However, if something happend you're probably in the basement now, crying to your little hearts content, hopefully Jake or some of the guys are with you. I know this must be hard little Mouse, and I know I promised you forever, but if my time runs out, I want you to know how much I love you. You have been the greatest blessing in my life and I am so honoured that I get to call you my best friend. I want you to know that I am sorry, that I just became another thing that broke your fragile heart, another weight added to your shoulders, you have already been through so much, Mouse and if I could, I would take all your sadness away, I would destroy all of your bad memories because if there is one person I know that deserves happiness it's you." He sighs softly rubbing his thumb over his bottom lip as he states above the camera when he looks back there are tears in his eyes. "I have loved you for as long as I can remember, and facing the fact that you didn't feel the same way has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but Ray, I got to be your best friend, I got to be your other half and that? Nothing can be better than that. I know things might be dark right now, and you might not know what to do, but I'm still with you sweet girl, I'm sitting here next to your Mama and giving her every hug she's missed out on while your dad threatens to kill me again for taking your virginity." He laughs softly at that. "I want you to know, you made my life a thousand times better, just by being you. I have loved you since you were born up until the day I closed my eyes for the last time. So, be sad, and cry and scream but Mouse, you've got to get back up. It breaks my heart that I won't be there to help you this time, but I think Jake comes in to a close second best. I want you to live your life to the absolute fullest Mouse, go to New York, go teach and marry the man of your dreams, have a few dozen babies, you better name one of them after me." He states with a wink. "But go be happy Raylan, I was happy, until the end, because I knew I had you in my corner, so, I want you to take whoever is there with you and go eat the biggest bowl of Mac and cheese you can find, and then run to Daisy's and eat their mega caramel special, because I know you've been skipping meals. Know that I love you, and wherever I am, I'm missing you and thinking about you everyday. Be safe Mouse. I'll be waiting for you." Then he stood up and the screen went black. "Holy fuck." Charlie whispers softly as I stare at the screen with tears pouring down my face. "Did you know he was making these?" I shake my head at Keith's question as Brandon lets out a slow whistle. "Fuck me, I don't know if this is the worst possible thing to find or the best." Max said staring at the screen. "Baby, are you okay?"
Jake asks softly as I continue to stare at the black screen. "Ray?" Leslie asks softly. I ignore him as I exit the video before clicking on the one labled 'Jake'. Once again Landon's chest comes into view before he sits down, a thoughtfull expression on his face as he stares above the camera. "This is probably the hardest video I'll make." He starts when he stares into the camera. "I didn't like you, like at all. Call is jealousy or over protectiveness or what ever the fuck you want, but I didn't like you one bit. That day at school, when Ray ran for shelter in your arms I wanted to rip your arms off and shove them up your ass. I don't think I have ever disliked another person as much as I disliked you in that moment." He sighs softly, his fist clenching and unclenching as he adjusts himself in the chair before continuing." And then, Ray and I made up, that day at the BBQ, I found my respect for you, you didn't like me either, but when Ray wanted to forgive me, you didn't stop her, you didn't question her or bad mouthed me like most people would've, you just dropped it there, shook my hand and put bad feelings away, just because you knew that would make her happy. I think I also realised how much you love her that day, and trust me, it was a bitter fucking pill to swallow, but I was happy enough when I saw how happy you made her. Now I'm gone, and I can't be there for her anymore, and right now? She's going to need you, more than ever. She'll stop eating and her sleeping is going to be fucked up and she'll probably have bad dreams, by the way just pinch her ears to wake her up, but she's going to need you, and the guys a lot more than she'll ever admit. Make sure she isn't allowed in the basement by herself, I'm sure Mark will keep that in check but she can convince him she's fine way to easy, she'll beat her hands bloody since she forgets to wrap them when she is upset. You're going to have to take care of her Jake, and it's going to be hard, but you know as well as I do that she is worth every thing. To the guys, if you're there, I just want to say thanks, you are the first friends Ray has made in more than two years, and each of you has made her so happy, she loves all of you, and she's going to need you now, so please take care of her. Jake, I wish you and Ray all the best in life, I hope she brings as much happiness into your life as she has brought into mine. Thank you for making her happy and showing her what being in love truly means, please look out for her. She deserves to have someone taking care of her. Take care guys, see you on the other side."