Honesty - Criminal Minds || Spencer Reid Fanfiction

5. Swallowing Your Pride

"I would always rather be happy than dignified." ~ Charlotte Brontë

The Doctor

The next morning we were all on the jet bright and early at eight o'clock. Well, all except one.

"Hey, where's Joy? Didn't we say eight?" JJ asked as she took to her seat. Seconds later her cell bleeped and we all sat a little straighter as she read the message with wide eyes and a parted mouth.

"What is it? What's happened?" I asked, my heart pounding.

"It's from Joy. She said she's making her own way back to Virginia and we've to have a safe flight." I frowned at this news and cast my eyes to Hotch who was taking this news particularly well.

"Did you know about this?" I spoke up clearly, irritation drenching my tone. He completely ignored me and got to his feet, heading to the dock to explain we were ready for take-off. "I can't believe this." I said shortly as we buckled up.

"They come and they go, kid." Rossi said as he sat across from me. I wanted to snap at him and tell him he had no idea what he was talking about; Joy wasn't just 'they' and she wasn't just 'going'. She was being pushed, and not even by all of us, and not even by a fair dismissal.

She could do more about this, and it was so unfair that she wasn't going to just because of Hotch's reputation and wishes. It wasn't her fault she was his child.

During the flight I stayed silent, staring out of the window and blocking everything - and everyone - out. I wondered where she was, how she was returning back to Virginia, and if she'd come by the BAU later to hand in her badge, or if she'd be at the briefing tomorrow morning.

The others were chatting animatedly among themselves as we made our way into the BAU after touch-down. I wasn't happy to be back; not at all, but I was looking forward to seeing Joy again. I figured I'd wait in the unit until she came back.

"Emily!" JJ's voice cracked as she entered the unit before the rest of us; the first one inside the bullpen. I heard her excited voice from the back of our group and effortlessly cast my eyes over their heads to see the brunette hugging JJ happily.

"How've you been? We've missed you so much!" She was saying excitedly as Emily and Morgan hugged next.

"I've been good, I've missed you all too." Prentiss claimed.

"Spencer," She grinned, turning to me last. "It's great to see you."
"Good to see you too." I nodded. She took a step closer to me but I took a step back, just nodding and smiling.
"Reid man," Morgan said from next to her. "It's not her fault." He said. I nodded at him, still smiling and turned to Hotch next to me.
"I know it's not her fault." I said pointedly whilst looking at Hotch.

There was an awkward silence for a moment as I cast my eyes down at my feet.
"So where is she then? My replacement? The newbie? I've heard plenty of wonderful things about her from Garcia," Prentiss' voice was drenched in anticipation and I couldn't stand it.

"Hey is it true she singlehandedly caught the Ratsweld Murderer last month? Cause that's incredible." Having had enough I decided to push through everyone and head to my desk, not willing to stick around for whatever excuse Hotch had to give.

I dumped my go-bag beneath my desk whilst everyone stood in awkward silence mere feet away, watching as I bent over my desk and gaped in awe as I realised what was different.

My neat and orderly desk had been rearranged entirely and on my desk sat Joy's badge and gun, and a simple note that read,
"SORRY X"

As I reached to pick up the badge my hand shakily nudged the computer mouse and the screen whizzed to life, showing a picture of Joy, Morgan and I. I hadn't changed my computer screen and so this was one passing ghost to Joy's memory with us.