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THIRTY-NINE
paper heart
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"Mom, there's no need to intensify this matter." Beatrice Davenport glares but my grandmother seemed to turn a deaf ear to her.
"Vanessa has every right to know." She says, pushing back strands of her bob cut hair that has almost turned white.
"Can you just come to the point grandma? I have other stuff to do. I can't just wait here for ages." I huff.
"Your mother got pregnant with you just when she was about to be divorced. She had married your dad without our consent and two months later we had been successful in convincing them to take a divorce. We knew the marriage won't work out. But then she found out you were in her womb. And we had to accept them, even though we didn't want it." My grandmother says slowly and each word she said cut like ice on my heart.
"So...you mean that I was not supposed to be born? You mean to say it's my fault that I came into this earth?" My voice quivered, goosebumps forming on my skin even though I was clad in a sweatshirt.
"I never said that!" She argues.
"You didn't...but that's what it means. Oh yes, may I know why you didn't accept their marriage?" I ask, wiping off a tear gliding down my right cheek.
I had lost all ability to feel. I was in a shell-shock.
"Your dad was unemployed at that time. He was totally dependent on your mother and we didn't want our daughter to be with such a man! The job he has now, is also because of Beatrice." My grandfather speaks this time, a deep frown formed on his forehead.
I glance at my parents, both of them had their faces hung low in either shame or despair.
"And that's why we couldn't accept it when you were born. Somehow it was difficult for us --- after all, if Beatrice had not gotten pregnant, she could have been free, all we wanted was her to focus on her career." My grandma says in an obvious tone.
"Which I did mom! I had always been living up to your expectations!" This comes off as a sudden blow and from my own mother.
"No I'm not. Just because y'all didn't accept my marriage, I had been treating my daughter this way for years. I always thought she was the cause that my life was ruined." My mother cries and dad goes on to hold her in his arms.
"I'm sorry I can't stand here anymore." I almost choke on the lump in my throat. I needed to go, I didn't know where but I just had to.
"Vanessa, listen!" My grandma gets up on her feet, looking pretty baffled.
