Hard to Love (Bucky Barnes fanfic)

Chapter 19

This is happening

It's shouldn't be

It's wrong

It's forbidden

But we can't fight it anymore

We can't deny our helpless feelings for the other

We're caving

We're falling

We're... undressing the other

The moment I catch my breath Buckys lips are on mine, moving hungrily. He removes his hands from my head, gliding down to the top of my shirt. He fumbles with the first couple of buttons and I quickly grow impatient with the process

"Just rip it already." I hiss between rough kisses as I start to unbuckle his belt. Bucky grabs the top unbuttoned fabric and ripped it open as if it were nothing. Buttons snapped off, falling to the floor by our feet

Bucky pushes the torn fabric off my shoulders, letting it glide down my arms to the floor. I finally got his belt undone and grabbed onto the hem of his shirt, just wanting to feel his skin on mine and start to lift his shirt up. I get to his pecs before he suddenly grabs my hands, stopping me in my tracks and pulls away from the heated kiss

"Wait," he breathes out. I lean back, drawing my brows together in confusion. He looks hesitant, shame eminent in his features which only furthers my concern

"Wh-whats wrong?" I ask out of breath, looking all over his face for an answer. He stares at me, not moving

"It's uhm.." he trails off, looking down at his half metal arm. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt and still had the watch on and activated. Never really had a chance to remove it I suppose

He's scared to show me what's underneath. Come to think of it, I've never seen Bucky without a shirt before. I don't think anyone really has. I quickly piece together that he's insecure about it. He's worried I'll judge him or find whatever's there horrifying. I want to tell him that I won't and continue what we were doing but the rational and respectable side of me killed that thought real quick. I remove my hands from Buckys shirt, letting it fall back to it's original position and cup his cheek, drawing his focus back to me

"Hey, it's okay," I meet his eyes. Though they were still filled to the brim with lustrous hunger, they held a softness at my words. "You don't have to show me." I lean my forehead against his, closing my eyes and exhaling slowly trying to calm my screaming nerves. He knew my words to be true. I don't want to force him to do anything he's not comfortable with

After a long moment, he pulls away from me entirely. My body already missing the heat from him. He steps around me and walks to the other end of the room without saying a word. I don't get a good look at his face but I feel my cheeks rise with heat. He must not want to go through with it after all

Embarrassment floods my boiling system as I drop my arms to my sides. I slowly turn around to look at Bucky and open my mouth to apologize for making him uncomfortable but stop myself short as I watch Bucky go to the balcony window and aggressively closes the curtains. I catch a quick glance at his reflection in the glass before it's covered by the thick drapes. Bucky had the smallest grin on his face before turning around to me again

Bucky struts around the table, deactivating the watch and practically tearing it off, tossing it onto the hardwood table. Still advancing on me, he had a dominant, hungry look eminent on his face that made a breath hitch in my throat and my knees feel weak. Never faltering in his steps and in one fluid motion he reaches his right arm behind his head, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulls it up and over his head