Kiss It Better, Dr. Ross

Walking on Thin Ice

You saySorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraidIt's too late to apologize, it's too late

~~~

"I have to tell him. Tonight." Spencer felt a sense of relief. He was glad Brendon, finally decided before anything happened. 

"Everything will be okay," Spencer said incase Brendon was ready to freak out.

"What if it's not?" Brendon looked up, revealing his colorless face. Spencer went on guard, quickly forgetting the conversation.

"Brendon, you're pale. Are you feeling okay?" Brendon shook his head.

"I'm gonna throw up." Spencer helped his friend to the bathroom. Brendon fell to his knees in front of the toilet, hugging its sides as he emptied the little in his stomach into the bowl. Spencer rubbed his back, telling him he was going to be okay.

"Fuck," Brendon groaned miserably before continuing to dry heave until his stomach was sore. They stayed there another few minutes before Spencer led them to the living room couch.

"I'm gonna run to the store and get you some medicine." Brendon shook his head, his only protest as he laid down. "I won't be long. Just hang on till I get back." Brendon already had his eyes shut, exhaustion slowly taking over.

He didn't even hear the door shut. He wasn't sure how slow or fast time was moving anymore. All he knew was that he couldn't fall asleep because of the sudden banging coming from the front door. He wanted to ignore it but it just wouldn't stop. He forced himself up, glad his nausea subsided leaving only the headache and fatigue in its place.

With each step and pound from the door, a pain pulsed in his head making him wince. Brendon unlocked the door, pulling it away from its abuser. He froze when he saw Ryan standing, panting heavily.

"Ryan? W-what are --" Ryan pushed his way inside making Brendon almost lose his balance.

"You knew." Brendon shut the door, confused at the accusation.

"Know what?"

"Don't play dumb," Ryan snapped. Brendon's heart dropped when Ryan tossed a folder on the floor between them. Papers slid out and scattered over the ground. One glance and Brendon knew what was happening.

"I can explain." Ryan laughed, a hint of pain hidden in the anger.

"Don't give me that shit. You fucking knew and you didn't bother telling me?" Brendon was finding it difficult to form any solid sentences, his head now spinning with countless thoughts. Soon, he wouldn't be able to keep his composure. "You were just gonna keep this a secret from me? For how long?"

"I was gonna tell you," Brendon whimpered and looked down at the ground. He couldn't look at Ryan. Being under that man's glare alone was causing him to tremble.

"When? We've been together for what, four months now? Was that not enough time? By the looks of your chart, you haven't done anything about this. What if you --" Ryan's voice refused to finish that sentence. "What if something happened to you and I didn't even know? You would've been okay leaving it like that?" Brendon shook his head, crying silently as Ryan spilled out everything he was warned about.

"I love you, Brendon." Brendon slapped his hands over his mouth to keep a sob from getting out. "Do you even care? Or was I just something to entertain you before you left?" Brendon shook his head, sniffling against his hand. Ryan let out a harsh sigh and ran his hand through his hair, wishing all this not to be true.

"This is what Jon was trying to tell me all this time." He turned away, scoffing to himself. "God! I'm such an idiot."

"No, you're not." Ryan turned back, eyes softening when they landed on Brendon. "Ryan," he whispered." Ryan squeezed his eyes shut, hating how hurt he was feeling.