Addicted

Chapter 42.

"You are so God damn beautiful, and I love you!" he practically shouts, and my hand goes to my mouth.

"What?" I whisper.

"You heard me, Alison!" He says frustrated and he begins pacing. I could see his chest rising and falling frantically.

"Say it again," I practically beg. "Say it again," I repeat myself, but a little louder.

"Do I have to?" he asks, his face open and wounded

"Please," I say.

"I love you... Alison," he sighs defeated. "I love you."

Tears fell down my cheeks, but they were happy tears this time. His words connected to me in my chest and I was overwhelmed with happiness.

"Say it again," I repeat myself.

"Ali please..." he says.

"Say it," I really do beg.

"I love you," he says with a small smile. "I have loved you since the first time I saw you, I just couldn't admit to myself or anyone else.

My chest caves in, and my hands go to my eyes. I hold my eyes with the back of my hands and my body shakes. I didn't care about my makeup. I didn't care about anything.

"Are you only saying this because you're drunk?" I ask. I wanted to hear it as many times, even if he was lying.

"No, no, no, no, no," he repeats. "I really do love you, Ali," he says, stepping forward and his hand cups my cheek. I let myself savour the feeling of his hand on my cheek before I stepped away from him.

"Then why the fuck did you hook up with that chick tonight?" I shout at him. I was sobbing down and my chest shook with all the emotions I was feeling.

"Because I was drunk and stupid and angry that you left with James," he admits, his head hanging low.

"Did you fuck her?" It was my turn to ask this question.

"No," he shakes his head, quickly.

"How the hell can I believe you?" I say, my voice breaking.

A car pulls up next to us and Maddie rolls down her window, asking, "Are you okay?".

"I'm okay," I say to her. Even though I'm on the streets at three in the morning, yelling at the guy she's fooling around with.

"Still need a lift?"

I turn to Zac and ask, "Do you have your keys?" and he nods his head and I turn back to Maddie. "I'll be okay," I tell her and thank her and watch her drive away.

"Give me your keys," I command, looking at Zac. "Please," I add. I was struggling to look at him.

He digs in his pocket and takes out his key, handing them to my upturned palm.

"Where did you park?" I ask him, wiping my nose with the back of my hand and sniffing. I walked past him, holding my jacket closer to me. I saw his car parked halfway down the block and began walking towards it.

"You love me too!" he calls out to me and I stop dead in my tracks.

I turn around to him, more tears falling down my face, some falling to the corner of my mouth and I could taste the salt.

He stood still in front of me, searching my body, my face, everywhere for an answer.

"You do love me," he repeats himself differently.

I didn't know how to answer him. How could I answer him? A simple yes didn't suffice.

"I know you love me," he continues. "I know you do, otherwise you wouldn't be here, talking to me right now on the streets, or staying with me after all the shit I have put you through." He looked away from me for a second. "You- you do love me, right?" he asks, second guessing himself. He almost sounded like a child.

My chin wobbles as more tears continue to fall down my face. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't fucking breathe. It was like I was hyperventilating, and my heartbeat was going to explode. How could I not love this man? How could I go through everything that we have been through and not develop these sorts of feelings for him? How could I tolerate all the shit he has put me through if I didn't truly love him?

Do I tell him? Do I lie? I went through the pros and cons of both and finally decided.

I nod my head, finally giving in and confessing.

"Say it, please," he pleads.

I contemplate it. Saying it out loud makes it real and I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be real just yet.

"Please," he says again and finally give in. He needed this more than I did. He needed the reassurance, just as much as I did, and as much as I wanted to burry myself in a whole and die with this secret, I knew it needed to be said out loud. If not for him, then for me.

"I love you," I blurt out in a whisper and feel like my chest was about to burst. My hand immediately comes to my mouth, as if I could force down the words, I just said out loud.

I watched him physically relax in front of me, his whole body visibly deflating.

"Of course, I love you, you idiot," I say again and wipe away my tears with my palm and he takes my face in his hands and consumes my mouth. He kisses me, deep and passionately and we put all of our feelings into this one particular kiss. He held me tight, and I held him tight too, hoping that when I reopen my eyes, I wouldn't wake up and this all would be a dream.

This was the first kiss after we confessed our love to each other, and I was so scared for what will come next.