Addicted

Chapter 43.

I take a step back from Zac. There were so many questions in my head just screaming and demanding to be heard. There was an anxious and sickening feeling in the core of my chest that I was scared to acknowledge.

I took a step back from Zac and could see his look of confusion wash over his face when I did.

"We should get going," I say, and walk towards his car, playing with the keys in my hand. The night was cold, and I kept my arms closely to me as I neared his car. I got into the driver's seat of his car, putting the keys into the ignition and turning the heater on in his car. Zac soon followed, getting into the passenger side of his car.

The smell of him instantly filled his car, but it was mixed with a strong scent... rum, I think. I usually smelt like sweat, alcohol and smoke after a night of working at the Bar but I was a little annoyed that I could smell it on him.

I adjusted the seat in his car, fixing everything to my short size and then drove off.

The atmosphere in the car wasn't filled with the usually sexual tension we would feel when we were in a small space together but was replaced with awkward tension instead. I don't think either of us knew what we should do now that we have confessed our love to each other.

Was it too early to say, 'I love you'? I knew we were jumping into it rather quickly, but 'love' was the only word that fits to what I felt for him. I had never felt this way towards anyone before until I met him, but did he ever feel this way towards others? It's not like I was expecting to be a virgin or anything, but I had hoped that maybe he didn't love anyone else in his life the way that I love him. That way I knew he was mine in all the ways that count.

"Have you ever told anyone that you love them before?" I ask. The question was rattling in my brain and I was afraid to ask but I knew I had to.

"Well... I suppose family members," he says, and he looks visibly uncomfortable.

"You know what I mean." Why was he playing dumb? He knew exactly what I had meant.

"Like romantically?"

I looked at him while I was driving. He seems to be pushed as far away from me as possible. His arm hit the passenger side and he was facing me. He looked like a kid cowering in the corner.

"Yes."

"Do I have to answer this while you're driving?" He asks, and it became the answer that I was looking for.

Yes. Yes, he had told someone he loved them romantically.

I think he could see a visible decline in my posture from this truth.

"Why are you asking me this?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter, because I feel cornered and a little trapped and you're driving," he says, and his eyes remain anywhere but on me.

"What does it matter if I am driving?" I ask, clear confusion and anger were laced on my face.

'Because this is us... it's a very personal question and I don't know how you'll react."

I felt so incredibly insulted. I was perfectly capable of keeping my emotions intact to keep us on the road. I purposefully remained silent. If I spoke, I knew I would ruin the moment we had earlier.

An uncomfortable silence filled the car. I focused on driving, but I could feel his eyes on me which made me a little nervous. When I drove into our car space next to our house, I parked in the only available spot for Zac's car. I unbuckle my seatbelt and try to leave, but he grabs my arms before I could.