Tattoos and Scars | Rewritten Version

Chapter 20 || Hysteria

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make sure ya vote!! this a slower paced chapter ♥️

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"There has to be more," I panic, shuffling through his cabinets. I tip over slightly and land on my butt. "Oops," I giggle, laughing at my own clumsiness. What time is it? It's time for Addy-Baddy to buy more alcohol.

I lift myself off my ass and stumble over to the living room. I push the five empty bottles of Vodka off the couch and plop down. My phone begins to vibrate, and it's Luna FaceTiming me.

My hand slips up but I manage to pick up anyway. "Hey, Luna" I giggle.

"Oh god, she's gone into hysteria..." I hear Luna mumble.

"Hype... Hippo... Hysteria! That's right," I laugh, hiccupping. "Oops."

"Bailey... are the Vodka bottles? Are you fucking drunk?!" She shouts through the phone. "Bailey, I'm coming over."

"Can you pick up more bottles of Vodka along the way?"

She hangs up. Rude! Ooh... is that a pack of cigarettes I see? Of course I do! I stumble over towards it and pick up one cigarette. How do you even work this thing? I grab the lighter next to it and light the cigarette, placing it between my lips.

I take a drag, but end up coughing. Okay, it was my first time, it's fine. I let out a puff of smoke and it instantly mellows me. Holy shit, it's like I'm on a cloud. I take another drag, and this time, I don't cough.

See? I'm getting the hang of this! Me and Adrian can become smoking buddies or something. I giggle at the thought of me and him blowing out puffs of smoke in each other's faces. Maybe we could practice to make hearts?

That'd be so cute! I hear the doorbell ring, and I stagger over to the front door. "Who's there?" I giggle.

"Luna. Bailey, open the door."

"Luna who?"

"I'm not playing, open the damn door!" I open the door and she barges inside. Anna is behind her. "Bailey, five bottles? Are you mad?!" Luna shouts. "Bail, why would you do this? You hate drinking."

I sniffle. "I wanted to forget. And it worked. I don't give a kid... shell... shit anymore. I don't fucking care."

"Aw, Bailey... I knew we shouldn't have left her alone," Luna tells Anna. "Is that a cigarette butt- Bailey, have you been smoking?"

"I have," I grin. "It feels so damn good, no wonder Adrian does it all the time. It makes you forget every fucking thing. No matter how much you fucked up, you forget it. And just for a while, everything is okay. I'm okay, you're okay, we're all okay! Now I understand why people drink so much. Their lives are fucked up, just like mine. They want to forget, just like me. Now I don't hate them for that."

I take another cigarette from the box and begin to light before Anna slaps it out of my hand. "You need to stop, Bailey. I'm sorry for telling you it was your fault, because it wasn't. Adrian was the one who fucked up while driving. Not you. You didn't hurt that kid, the woman did. So you shouldn't be... doing whatever the fuck you're doing."

"I don't want to stop!" I shout, all my drunken stupidity flying out the window. "I fucked up! I killed the kid, I hurt Adrian. I deserve to feel hurt, but I don't want to. So here I am, drinking and smoking. Is it so bad to want to forget? I don't think so," I shake my head. "Now if you please."

I begin to light the cigarette and take a drag. I think it's my third one, but honestly, I don't even remember. Who counts? You do it until you can't anymore. Luna plucks the cigarette out of my mouth and douses it with her feet. "No, you're going upstairs, and you're going to sleep this whole thing out."

"But I don't want to."

"You're going to kill yourself."

"Maybe I want to," I pout, crossing my arms over my nonexistent chest. Anna wraps her fingers around my ankles and Luna hooks her arms around my armpit and they begin to carry me upstairs. "No! No! No! Lemme go, I didn't even finish that cigarette!"

"We won't let you go until you promise to stop drinking and smoking."

"I promise."

They let me go, and I rush downstairs to get the cigarette. "Bailey, you fucking promised!" Anna yells after me.

"Well, I crossed my eyes, so boo hoo."

"That's not how it works!" Luna shouts frustratedly. "Anna, stop her!"

"She's fast when she's high," Anna pants, her hands placed on her knees. She quickly regains her energy and runs after me. I cackle and run away, using my flash speed. I'm qualified to be a superhero now.

Luna appears in front of me and tackles me from ahead as Anna tackles me from behind. "Lemme go!" I shout again. "I'll bite you! I'll turn you into vampires!"

"Yeah, no."

"Let me the fuck go!" I shout. "Don't touch me!" I start kicking and screaming. Both Anna and Luna back away as I collapse on the ground and begin to sob. "Don't fucking touch me..." I cry. "You're horrible friends for not letting me forget. All I want to do is to go numb, and you're not letting me. If I let myself feel, I'm going to lose it. I'm going to go crazy, can't you understand that? If you could forget all your battles, wouldn't you?"

"Bailey, please, you'll only hurt yourself. You can't run away from your battles, because battles turn into wars until you're left broken beyond measure," Luna speaks softly.

"I'm already broken. D-did you see the boy's eyes? They were so full of hurt even when dead... He didn't get to live his life. Whenever I close my eyes, I see him. I see him, and it's driving me crazy!"

"Babe, you couldn't have done anything about it..." Anna whispers.

"I could have. I could have been less selfish. I shouldn't have yelled at Adrian. I fucked it all up. You were right... it was all my fault."

Anna purses her lips as she crouches down in front of me. "I'm so fucking sorry, Bailey. I hate myself for saying that, and I don't want you to hate yourself for that as well. Bailey, look at me, Adrian is crazy for you."

"No he's not," I sob. "He doesn't need me in his life."

"I've known him since I was three. I can see through his mask like a damn X-ray machine. He doesn't go crazy for girls. Damn, there have been so many girls in his life and not once has he gone crazy for them like he's gone crazy for you."

"Really?" She has to be lying. She's lying. She fucking lying. I don't trust myself to make someone like me. Hell, even my own dad didn't give a fuck about me. Why would Adrian?

"Yes, really. But please don't drink and smoke like this. I can't fucking take it, I love you like a damn sister. You can't do this to yourself. I'm begging you, stop. Take a nice long rest and we can go see Adrian tomorrow."

"What if he doesn't want to see me?"

"Oh, trust me. Whatever he's suffering from, it'll be cured when you show up in front of him."

I trust her. But I don't trust myself. But for now, I smile and nod. Then I feel my stomach lurch and I cover my mouth with my hands. Luna and Anna's eyes widen as they drag me towards the bathroom.

I think I left a trail of vomit... 

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a/n: my baby baileyyy 😩 and i'm kinda angry at anna right now, but that's just me i guess. i mean people say things when they're angry or upset... and we all know anna's a hothead who gets angry at everything

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anyway, make sure you vote. i don't know if i'll update tmrw or not, so here are two updates today ♥️ i love you 😩