Ratchet (TFP) love story part 2: Hold me close

Part 14: Step into the shadows

Quick message 

When you lose something you should never worry because sometimes you can find that something again. When you lose someone don't fall into darkness it might hurt but they would want you to push forward no matter the cost. When you feel like you can't pick yourself up then allow others to pick you up there your friends that what there supposed to do. You may have days where the sun not shining or days where darkness is everywhere. But never despair cause you are that light as well as all your friends. Love is internal, darkness is but only for a moment and light is what you make it out to be. HEY GUYS THERE WILL BE HUGE DEPRESSION IN THIS CHAPTER YOU HAVE BE WARNED NOW ENJOY!

Ratchet POV 

It has been 8 days since I have woken up. Slowly I have been getting better, I have finally been able to walk and take full energon Cubs again but it's been hard mentally I mean. My mind ever since I was being tortured I felt off like there is another voice in my head tell me my darkest desires. Not only that but I can't work my hands shake and my processor just goes blank every time I tried to work. Then in the night I always have nightmares of the tortured or being tortured and I don't know why but I always feel the pain as if I were still there. But the one thing that I know is that I miss blaze terribly. Every day I think about her none stop, the others have been terribly worried because I would stay in my brethroom the most of the time. I cry my self to recharge, I have really bad nightmares which wake me up every hour and a voice in my head telling me to end myself. 

My spark has also been acting up. Every since I start feeling more depressed my spark has been hurting every day and night. I only talked to Optimus about my spark aches and he says that it will get better over time but that was days ago. Anyway I am in my brethroom again thinking to myself cause my body won't move to go outside. I was deep in thought until I heard knocking. W-who is it? I stuttered a bit. ("Optimus said old friend please you have not left your room in a very long time what's wrong")? I felt angry but also guilt Surge in me as I try to talk but nothing comes out. He then unlocks the door and standing with him are the rest of the team. They look at me in shock because of the way I shake uncontrollably around them all. I just look at them and start to sit down and cry slightly. 

Optimus then makes a hand motion signaling for every else to leave the room and close the door. I-I c-can't h-handle it o-Optimus it h-h-hurts a-a-a-all the time I say while voice breaking a bit. ("Old friend I could tell that not only your spark aches but more things are going on"). Y-y-you k-k-know I asked while be struck with fear. ("Unfortunately yes and everyone else knows about it to"). ("I also know personally that your mind is not well old friend please tell me what's been going on"). At that point my spark just breaks I can't handle this and just start to cry harder feeling everything at once hit me. To my surprise Optimus pats me on the back. ("Let it all out ratchet let it all out he says while patting my back"). 

After 2 hours I finally begin to calm down and I start to talk again. ("What's been going on ratchet")? Well I ever since I was tortured my head has been in a up roar. I have nightmares ever night about blaze or the rest of the team die over and over again. I keep hearing voices in my head telling to kill or kill myself. I can barley leave my room at times cause my hand shack uncontrollably so I can't even work. The worst nightmare I had is blazing telling me she does not love me anymore and then me getting stabbed over and over again. It hurts every time  almost every nightmares hurts me now. ("Optimus  picks up  my servo and says ratchet have been damaging yourself")? I immediately jerk my hand away and shack again while also hearing the voice in my head. ("Kill him ratchet KILL HIM he is the one who could not SAVE BLAZE"). N-no I said while holding my head in my hands g-go a-away. ("Old friend what's wrong Optimus says as he get close to me"). ("END HIM END HIM HE FAILED AT SAVING BLAZE"). N-NO S-Stay AWAY! I scream as I turn my servo into a sword and start attacking him. ("Ratchet stop don't listen to what it's says your stronger than that he says while dodging my attacks"). 

I try to fight off the voice but it get louder and louder and it keeps saying to kill Optimus. Optimus keeps saying it's not real but I can here it and my spark hurts. Then Optimus runs down and gets everyone. I just stand there still holding my head in pain as the voice gets even louder at this point I can't hear anything but the voice. I then start the freak out because I could hear nothing and my vision starts to fade but my optics remain open. I felt as if my body was being token over as everything fades to black. I could still feel everything but I could not move my body but that was until I felt several arms all around me. Then everything comes back to me my hearing and I could see. But the voice was insanely loud now and says to kill not just Optimus but everyone. I try to move but I couldn't I then start to freak out as my servos  turn into swords again. 

I the look around and see Optimus with everyone I even look down to see the kids down hugging my leg. L-LET ME GO L-LET ME GO! I screamed but the hug only got tighter but for some reason I felt safe. The voice then started to shout but I could barley hear it I only heard the empty silence that was around be. After standing like that for an hour I finally could move my body again as the rest of the test stop hugging me. I-I'm sorry for what I do Optimus I said shyly. ("Optimus said old friend there is nothing to be sorry about"). ("Arcee said yeah ratchet don't blame your self for actions that were happening in your mind we understand"). T-thank g-guys I say as I look down and see the kids. ("Miko said no worries ratchet you gave us a real scare but we're still here for you"). I was immediately token back,("she actually said my name"). I look up but I immediately feel tired and almost fall over. 

Optimus immediately noticed and grabbed me and put me on his shoulder. ("Old friend you look tired you should probably get some recharge"). Y-yeah thanks guys again for calming me down I say smiling a bit. ("Arcee said no worries ratchet we are here if you need us"). Optimus then let's me go over my brethroom as I lay down on my bed. I then fall into a change a peaceful recharge. But I was still thinking of blaze but it didn't hurt as it did before cause I know that even if she is not here the rest of the team still had my back.

HEY GUYS YES AGAIN MY THIRD CHAPTER BEING POSTED! HAAHA I AM ON A ROLE TODAY ANYWAY THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST ONE FOR TODAY! ANY BYEEEEE ALSO SORRY FOR THE REALLY HUGE DEPRESSING PART BYEEEEE!