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Damon

She left my office a while ago but I still fucking thinking about her. I want to stop myself because I know that this is so wrong. Everytime I look at her it feels like I am seeing my Angel. And that makes me hurt and broke even more. She reminds me of everything about my past. I though, I already accept the fact that Angel was already gone but I think I'm not yet get over with it. I held the resume at the top of my table and look at the picture that was attached on that paper. Bella, why do you need to be look like her?

"Callego!" Awtomatiko akong napatingin sa may pintuan ng office ko nang marinig ko ang malakas na pagsigaw na 'yon. Gusto kong sugurin sya nong oras na makita ko ang pagmumukha nya. How dare him to show his face inside my office again?

"What did you said to Bella huh? Did you hurt her?" Galit na tanong nya sa akin pero nginisihan ko lamang sya. He is really good at acting kaya lalo akong naiinis sa kanya. He is acting like he is so concern about Bella.

"Yan lang ba ang dahilan kaya ka pumunta dito?"

"I am asking you. What did you do to her?" He seriously said to me like I really did something wrong to Bella. But yes I admit I did kinda like that because I let some bad words slipped from my mouth.

"I didn't do anything wrong so you can leave my fucking office now." I seriously said to him pero mukhang wala syang balak na umalis kaya tumayo na ako sa kinauupuan ko para magpantay ang tingin naming dalawa.

"Hindi ako aalis dito hangga't hindi mo sinasabi sa akin kung bakit umiiyak si Bella. I know you did something wrong!" Nagulat ako doon sa sinabi nya. W-Why is she crying?

"Are you shocked? Huh! I can't believe you Damon. It's been a years but you still didn't learn your lesson." Sabi nya saka sya sarkastikong tumawa. Naikuyom ko ang kamay ko dahil sa sinabi nyang 'yon.

"I know everything Damon. Does she really looks like Angel Cruz? You're dead fian-" I didn't let him finish his words and I cupped his collar because of too much irritation.

"You don't know anything. Don't you ever say her name again. I swear I wil-"

"What Damon? I know na nakikita mo lang si Angel kay Bella. At alam ng lahat nang tao na hanggang ngayon ay hindi ka parin nakaka-move on. So why are you acting like you care about Bella? You throw painful words to her? For what? Dahil ba naiisip mo na sumasama sa akin ang kamukha ng babaeng minahal mo noon?" Tanong nya sa akin kaya hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko na suntukin sya. Abot abot na ang galit ko sa kanya.

"Don't compare that probinsyana girl to Angel because she has nothing to compare with my Angel! I know that they are far different from each other! Hindi ko kaylangan maguluhan dahil alam ko kung sino si Angel!"

"Nababaliw ka na Damon. Kahit iisang beses ko pa nakakasama si Bella, I know that she is beyond to compare. She has everything that all the man wants to a woman. And even you, you don't have the rights to compare her to anyone else just because of your longing for the woman from your past. At ako na ang nagsasabi sayo, hayaan mo na si Bella. Let her go before it's too late." Seryosong sabi nya sa akin kaya gusto kong matawa sa sinabi nya.

"Are you damn serious Ravanni? I know you too well. You're such a big jerk and a worst womanizer. Don't tell me you really like a probinsyana now? Why? Because she is so pure? So innocent? Ah, wait. I knew it. Because she is a virgin. Isn't it?" Nang-aasar na sabi ko sa kanya pero agad nya akong binigyan ng isang suntok at hindi ko na naiwasan 'yon. I glared at him because of that.

"I am maybe that bad Damon but you know that when a devil falls for an angel, everything will definitely turns upside down. The first time I laid my eyes on Bella I know that she is different from the other girls I've been before. And don't you think something bad about Bella because she is too innocent and naive for your bullshits!" Galit na galit na sabi nya sa akin pero hindi parin ako naniniwala sa kanya.

"Who will believe you with that damn reasoning? You already like her from that moment? How? Are you joking? Seriously? A fucking womanizer was love at first sight to a woman like Bella?" Natatawang sabi ko sa kanya. I laugh at him to annoy him. I am so irritated at his face. Kung pwede ko alng syang suntukin hanggang sa maubos ang lakas ko ay gagawin ko. Sinong niloko nya na unang beses pa lang nya nakita si Bella ay nagustuhan na nya agad?

"I told you Damon, she is different from the other girls out there. And I won't let slip any chance to make her mine. Put this one on your mind Damon, I will get her away from you. I will never, ever, let you have your chance to hurt Bella again. And this will be the last time na babastusin mo sya!"

"You are the one who will going to hurt her Ravanni. You are a type of guy who can't settle with just one woman. You can't even stay for a week inside a relationship. I will just definitely laugh at you for being a jerk. Bastard. So don'ttalk something about respect here. All you know is nothing about fuck and then leave!" I said before I greeted my teeths. He is really getting into my nerves. And it makes the situation annoyed me when I saw his annoying smirk.

"I know how to differentiate woman Damon. I know who I will just going to toyed or who I will going to take seriously. And I want to tell you that Bella is the second one." Sabi nya sa akin saka sya tumalikod sa akin. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na hawiin lahat nang nakikita ko sa table ko dahil sa inis ko sa kanya. Nanghihina akong napaupo sa swivel chair ko at naiinis kong sinipa ang table ko. Nakita kong nahulog ang phone ko dahil doon at umilaw ang screen noon. My heart starts to ache again when I saw who's in the screen. I immediately get my phone and look at it's screen. It was me and Angel.

Hindi ko na napansin na lumalabo na ang panigin ko. Akala ko ay dahil sa pagod at antok pero hindi pala. My screen is getting wet because of my tear drops. It's been 10 years but the pain is still living here inside me and slowly killing me. Maybe I accept the fact that Angel was gone but I am still longing for her. Maybe I will be forever longing for her. And maybe Ravanni was right.

Angel, she really looks like you and that fact makes me longing for you even more. She makes me remind of everything. I saw her like you and it's making me insane. She is too innocent and...too kind. I can't even resist her because it feels like I am also resisting you. And when she smile, it feels like you are smiling at me too. Like I am seeing your smile again with her lips. What will I do now?

Nailagay ko na lang ang telepono ko sa ibabaw ng lamesa ko at napahawak na lang sa ulo ko dahil sa sobrang frustration. I face the window again and look at the view of the city lights. It's so beautiful. Napakadaming ilaw sa baba at nagmumukha na itong bituin. I wonder if Angel saw this too. I look up at the sky and there's no any sign of rain. The stars are really scattered at the night sky. And again, Angel goes to my mind again and again and again. She really like the stars, the moon, the clouds, the sun. Everything that can found from above. Literally she really likes an angel to me.

Why does it still hurt? Ano bang dapat kong gawin para mawala na lahat ito? Ilang taon pa ba ang dapat na lumipas para matanggap ko ang lahat? And I hate to think that kung kelan naiisip ko na nakakaahon na ako ay kung kelan naman dumating sa buhay ko si Bella. Napatawa ako ng sarkastiko dahil doon. Ano ba talaga ang balak sa akin ng diyos? Habang buhay nya ba akong balak paglaruan ng ganito? Sinasadya nya ba na saktan ako ng sobra sobra dahil sa mga nagawa kong kasalanan? Kung ganon ay hindi pa ba sapat lahat nang pinagdaanan ko?

I close my eyes and rest my back at my swivel chair. I am so tired to this kind of life. I don't know when it going to end. I hate my fate.

And about Bella, what should I do to her? Should I just let her go out of my path? But I think I just can't.  Maybe it hurts that everytime I see her I always remember Angel but, it makes me lessen my longing for Angel. And it feels like now when I let her go, when I let her slip from my hands again, it feels like I also loose Angel again for the second time.

So tell me, what should I do?















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