Fighting For What's Missing

7.

William

"....you can wait in the lobby," Spencer tells me. I shake my head violently, my thumbnail between my teeth. I'm not leaving her. "You're not helping her. She's leaning on you for support, but when we take her-"

"Are you done questioning her?" I snap.

"I've gotten no information from her."

"She'll talk to me," I step around her and enter the room. Something tiny rashes into my legs, nearly knocking me down. It's Agnes. "Come here," I pick her up, and she wraps her limbs around me for dear life. I look back to see Spencer's hand on the officer's chest, holding him back.

Fuck them.

"Do you have your questions written down or what?" I ask Spencer.

"Written down." She rips a piece of paper from her notes and hands it to me. We return to our spots from before; the officer at the door, Agnes in my lap, and Spencer sitting across from us. Next to my feet, the green Candy Land player is broken in half. I exhale deeply and rub Agnes' back, she's still breathing funny.

I skim through the questions real quick. Okay...I think Agnes has some answers, she should.

"Agnes?" I brush her hair out of her face. "Can you talk to me?"

She nods.

"When was the last time you saw your daddy?" It's a stupid fucking question. It's not like she knows the exact date her daddy left her, she's seven for crying out loud. "Did he say or do anything before he left?"

"He left us in the car," she mumbles. I hope she's loud enough for Spencer to hear, I don't want Agnes repeating this shit. "He hit mommy when she tried to go back home."

My blood runs cold. "Did he ever hit you?"

She shakes her head, and my breathing starts again. Thank god. I can hear Spencer's pen taking notes, it's too freaking loud, too annoying. I want Agnes to think it's just her and me, no Spencer, but her writing help isn't helping.

"Do you have any grandparents or aunts or uncles?" I continue.

"I dunno." She takes my hand again and plays with my fingers, tracing my knuckles with her fingertips.

"What was the last thing your mother said to you?"

"Don't talk to anyone," she looks at me with her big blue eyes. She talked to me within a minute of meeting me, she trusted me.

I sigh then continue. "Did she mention leaving you with me and Julia for long?"

"Yes. She said I would go to the police after and...and," she squeezes my finger, shuddering, and it wakes something in me. I can do this, I can care for her and be what she needs me to be. "She said I would find a better home."

So she did abandon Agnes, but why tell her about it?

I look at Spencer and hold up the piece of paper. Agnes just answered the last question, and I can't ask her this question, but Spencer nods, telling me to continue. I take a moment for the last question. "Did...um, did you-" I clear my throat "-Did your mother ever say she was coming back for you?"

"She's not coming back, Will. It's alright." My throat is on fire as I fight back tears. She's trying to comfort me, how fucked up is that? It should be the other way around. I can't feel sorry for her, it's not fair to her. She's too strong for pity. "I'm sorry I broke the green gingerbread man, but can we play Candy Land now?"

My throat hurts too much to speak, so I nod, and she climbs off my lap, taking the top off the Candy Land box.

"Thank you, Mr. Granger," Spencer rises to her feet.

"Agnes, imma be right back," I promise her. She nods, pouting, then me, Spencer, and the officer step out into the hall. "Can we leave?" I ask Spencer the second the door was shut.

"You can, but..." she and the officer share a look I don't like. "Mr. Granger, now that we know that Agnes' mother abandoned her, we can put her in the system, we already have a home for her."

"No," I growl. "You-" I point my finger at her "-said because she was left in my care that she can stay with me for another day."

"That was before you brought her here and we found out she was abandoned. Mr. Granger, we don't even know if your home is safe enough for a child." I scoff loudly, but she continues as if I haven't made a noise. "We don't know if you've been arrested or if you even have a stable job. We don't know your history."

"That's bullshit!" I yell. "All that shit didn't seem to matter this morning!"

"Please, Mr. Granger-"

"Isn't it bad enough she watched her daddy hit her momma? Or the fact that she knows her own momma left her? Now you wanna take her away from the only person she feels safe with?"

"We already have people we trust-"

"People you trust? What about her? What happens when she's stuck with people she doesn't trust?"

"Mr. Granger," she breathes irritated. "We already have a home for Agnes. You can say bye to her now."

What? That's it? I brought her here because I was terrified of being a...well, being a father, I'm still scared shitless, but I'm not ready to say bye yet. I'm also not sure about this. I sigh deeply as I press my back to the wall and threw my head back. I can't put Agnes through this, my uncertainty is the worst thing I could ever do to her.

"Granger," the officer says, "I'm gonna be honest with you, this whole situation; you and Agnes, it's strange-"

"It's not like that," I snap.

"I know." I look at him and roll my eyes. His face hardens. "Sir, it's possible to foster Agnes, if you truly want to."

"But it's a long and hard process," Spencer finishes the officer's sentence.

A long and hard process? It can take up to six months to foster Agnes, what if by then, she likes her new home?...What if she doesn't? AGH! My head is freaking spinning. I need time to think. I'm not going to turn my whole world upside when Agnes is safe.

"I-I-I'm, um, I'm ready to say bye." I'm sorry, Agnes.

The officer nods. "I'm going to get her." I move to the other side of the hall, away from the door as he enters the room. Spencer turns to me and opens her mouth to speak, but I hold out my hand. Whatever she's about to say isn't gonna stop me from feeling like shit. "It's alright," the officer walks out of the room with his hand in Agnes'.

My throat burns again.

Her big blue eyes land on me. She tries to run to me, but the officer holds her back. I step closer then crouch down to meet her eye level. She's breathing funny again and her brows are angrily pulled together. She's too smart, and it frightens me that she already knows what's going on. How often do people leave her?

"I'm sorry I was rude to Rosalee," she whispers in her small, flat, emotionless voice. "I promise to be nice next time."

"You did nothing wrong, kid-"

"Then why can't I stay with you? I wanna finish watching Ponyo and play Candy Land." Her eyes begin to water. "I  want  to  stay  with  you."

"You can't."

"Agnes," Spencer cautiously inches closer to me as if I were a snake ready to attack. "William is no longer able to watch you."

Agnes keeps her pooling eyes locked on me. I don't know what else to say. What am I supposed to say? I'll see you soon? How do I know if that's a lie? I don't want it to be, even if she doesn't stay with me, I need to know she's okay.

"Mr. Granger if that's all..." Spencer reaches for Agnes.

"NO!" Agnes launches herself at me, but the officer grabs her and picks her up. I jump up and stumble back like the wind was knocked out of me. Tears pour out of her eyes like a waterfall. I look away. "Will!" She repeatedly cries my name at the top of her lungs as the officer carries her down the hall. I cover my ears, but it's not enough, I can still hear her. "Let me go! William! WILL!"