Fighting For What's Missing

19.

"William, come on!" I yell, running through the front door. Even though we didn't and don't plan to go to town, I put on my new Saturn shirt. I thought William would say something about wearing a good shirt just to plan in the dirt like my mom used to-she would always yell at me-but he only said I looked nice.

"You seem to go deaf every time I tell you to put this on," he joins me on the porch and holds a sweater in front of me.

"What about my Saturn?" I brush my fingers across the Saturn sewed into my shirt.

"Agnes," he says firmly.

"Sorry," I grab the sweater.

"Don't apologize, just put it on." I nod before pulling the sweater over my head. It's baggy on me, just the way I like my clothes. I snuggle into it, warming up already. I take Will's hand and we hurry down the steps. When we reach the bottom, he squeezes my hand then releases it. I take off running. "Stay close!"

"Okay!"

William
An hour later...

For the past five minutes, Agnes has been doing cartwheels, scaring the shit out of me every time she throws herself forward. My mind takes a dark turn and thinks she's going to fall over. I want to look away, but what if she does fall? I take a deep breath and pull out another cigarette. It dawned on me last night that this is the longest I've gone without a smoke or alcohol, it kept me up for a while-I was on the blink of being an alcoholic. I'm smoking now, but I'm also cutting down to a cigarette a day, maybe every two days.

"William!" I jump up-my cigarette already burned out and plunked to the ground-and Agnes jogs to me. "It's a clover!" She holds out in the hair her cups hands.

I sigh in relief. She scared the shit out of me screaming like that. "Let me see." I place my hands over hers and gasp-she's ice cold. "You need gloves."

"Please, look," she pouts. Although she talking about the clover, I take a better look at her and see she's pale, the cold weather and strong gust of winds have drained the color from her cheeks, and slightly shivering. I instantly pull her closer to me. "The clover!" She whines, "you're crushing it!"

I ignore her and pick her up. "Let's warm-up." I jog up the steps when a cop cruiser pulls up. Gloria. "Go inside," I order Agnes as I put her down. She doesn't fight and hurry inside.

Gloria climbs out of the cruiser, but she's not wearing her uniform. "For when I take you to Portland," she explains, placing her hand on top of the car.

"Isn't that illegal?"

"I have my badge and uniform in the back." She's at the bottom of the steps now, peering up at me with a smile.

"I honestly didn't think you would show up today," I admit.

"Is that why you rushed Agnes inside?" She's climbing the steps. Before I know it or even stop it, she's standing in front of me still smiling.

"She was freezing." There's an awkward pause, then-

"William?" Agnes coos behind me. I turn and step back, unblocking Agnes' view of Gloria. She waved at Gloria, smiling hard, then turns to me. "I'm warm, can I come outside?"

Before I could respond, Gloria cuts in. "Can I talk to your f-" she shudders. All her blood rushes to her cheeks and her eyelids begin to flutter. Was she going to say your father? "Will...can I talk to Will for a second?"

Agnes takes a deep breath and looks at me. I nod, and she steps inside and closes the door behind her.

"Will, I'm so sorry," Gloria rushes out.

"It's alright," I chuckle. The thought of someone calling me Agnes' father doesn't bother me like I honestly expected it to. I did promise Agnes that I would foster her, that me and only me will take care of her, of course, the word father was going to be thrown in my direction. But one thing I would've never expected; the warm feeling flowing through. Agnes' father. "But I am curious, what do we need to talk about?" I try to move on. As much as I want to, I can't dwell on the fact that one day-hopefully soon-I will be Agnes' foster father.

Gloria sucks in a sharp breath. "I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted to kiss you, but I understand why we didn't..."

"Agnes," we breathe together. Strangely enough, a weight is lifted off my chest; Gloria knows I didn't kiss her because I can't hurt Agnes. I step closer and continue, "it's always going to be Agnes."

I would never put Gloria or anyone-not even myself before Agnes.

Gloria closes the tiny space between us, placing her hand on my chest and rising on her toes, and kisses my cheek. "If you let me," she whispers barely an inch from my lips, "I don't mind waiting."

"Gloria. I'm sorry." I step back.

Agnes

I take one last lap around the living room then lie on the floor. Is it strange that I've never noticed the ceiling before? I shrug to myself and shut my eyes. What's taking Gloria and William so long? Why do they always have to chat first when she comes over? They take so long.

The front door opens. "Agnes?" William says.

"I'm good," I hold up my thumb.

"What are you doing?" He says, moving closer, his footsteps are so light, if he wasn't speaking I wouldn't know where he was. I feel him pinch my thumb then shake it, causing my whole arm to wiggle. I smile. "Are you feeling lightheaded?" With his other hand, he gently brushes the hair out of my face and caresses my head.

"No," I open my eyes. "I'm just waiting." With my hand still in his, he sits back on his butt, and I sit up. Gloria is waiting by the front door. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," William smiles. "How's your finger?"

I shrug. "It feels like it's being bent oddly." It hurts, but I'm used to the pain already. I look at my brace, it must be stronger than I thought.

"You know, Agnes, I'm still a little hungry. Wanna make some French toast and eggs with me?" I wonder if he's truly hungry or just lying to keep me inside. Either way, it doesn't matter. I nod and jump to my feet. "Thank you, Agnes, and I promise, I'll find you another clover."

"Today?" What I really mean is before you leave? But it's just a painful reminder that he's leaving.

His grin becomes forced. "Of course, darling."