Fighting For What's Missing

10.

Agnes ate her burger and half of mine. If she wasn't acting so distant, I would've been smiling real big at Spencer, who spent her time in the corner, watching us. Charlie left shortly after that. He made me promise to text him the second I find out what's bothering Agnes. But she's barely looked at me in the half-hour, she won't talk to me.

I'm settled in my seat next to the bed Agnes is lying peacefully in. We're watching The Amazing Spider-Man 2, it's almost finished and Agnes is quietly crying at Gwen Stacy's death.

"The officer's here," Spencer says abruptly. "Come on, Agnes, let's get you dressed."

That's my cue. My body's tense as I rise to my feet. I've been sitting for too damn long. I leave the room and slowly begin to pace in the hall. In three hours I'll see my mother again. I shudder at the thought. I don't clearly remember the last time I saw her, I think it was four, maybe five years ago. Around that time mostly alcohol was flowing through my veins.

"Mr. Granger?" A soft voice behind me says suddenly. I spin around to face...wow. The beautiful woman standing is clearly the officer that's supposed to drive Agnes and me to my mother's, her uniform give it away. Her brown hair that's black at the roots is pulled back into a low bun, exposing her gorgeous face. Her makeup's light which makes sense because she doesn't need it. "I'm officer Alvarez," she smiles. "You're William Granger, right?"

"Yeah, that's me. Um, Agnes is getting dress now."

"Oh, okay." There's a sparkle in her light brown eyes. "What you're doing for Agnes...it's really sweet."

"She's a sweet kid..." that deserves much more than me.

We shift into an awkward silence, and I find it harder and harder to take my eyes off her. Why didn't I meet her before this or before Julia? We would've had a hella of a night together.

Crap! Julia! I was supposed to call her back.

Oh well, the second she finds out that I'm here with Agnes, she'll leave me again. Maybe it's for the best I don't call her back.

The door opens then Spencer and Agnes step out.

"Are you really coming?" Agnes peers up at me.

"I am." Why would she think I wasn't? I told her I was, did she think I was lying? For the first time in what feels like hours, she smiles at me. I grin back, I've never smiled this much, and she steps away from Spencer and towards me. I pick her up. She's beaming now. "Feeling better?" I ask, fixing the zipper to her coat.

She nods.

We walk downstairs. Alvarez climbs in the driver's seat of her cruiser and I wait by the tuck while Spencer puts Agnes in her car seat.

"I hope I see you again." I hear Spencer whisper. "You're a very special little girl."

"I'm not a little girl," Agnes mumbles angrily.

"Right." I can hear the smile in Spencer's voice. She steps back, straightening her back when her head's out of danger of hitting the roof of the car. "Well, Mr. Granger-"

"Agnes isn't seeing you again?" I like the idea but I want to know why.

"There will be a new caseworker when you arrive, Ms. Valley, I believe."

New caseworker? Does that mean Agnes will be staying with my mother, like permanently? "Wait...if I change my mind-"

"That won't matter, Mr. Granger," she smirks, and I ball my fists. "Agnes will be with your mother until Ms. Valley thinks otherwise, and I doubt that will happen."

Bitch. I step forward, and she's smart enough to move away, then I close Agnes' door. I try to relax as I walk to my side of the car. How the hell did I think Agnes would come back if I said no to my mother fostering her? I can't be that stupid.

We drive away. Spencer waves, but no one waves back.

"Are you okay?" Agnes whispers to me. I smile and nod, instantly calming. She firmly nods once then rests her head on the side of her car seat and shuts her eyes. I moved closer and caress her hair. She's sleeping before I know it and I can see her eyes slightly moving behind her eyelids. I continue to play with her hair.

"It's adorable how she worries about you," Alvarez says abruptly.

"I guess," I mutter. All of this worrying is just going to make things harder. I don't know if I can leave her with my mother.

There's an awkward pause.

"Where are you from?"

"Diana, West Virginia," I answer proudly, my accent thick.

"What made you move to Portland, Oregon?"

Julia. "Friends," I sort of lie. Julia and I were friends when we moved to Portland. Not to mention my family didn't give me much of a choice.

She doesn't ask me any more questions and we return to our silence. Fifteen minutes later, Agnes' leg begins to twitch. She winces in her sleep in then fights the straps to her seatbelt as she reaches for her foot. Shit, her rash. "Do you have any lotion or cream?" I ask Alvarez.

"No."

I groan in frustration. Still sleeping, Agnes puts her foot on her knee and claws at her rash. "Agnes, stop," I place my forearm over her chest and arms, holding her back, and she kicks my side then squirms in her seat. "Agnes, wake up."

"What's wrong with her?" Alvarez asks.

"She-"Agnes' eyes pop open before I could even start. I pull my arm away and she whines, banging her foot against her car seat. "Breathe, kid, breathe."

"It itches," she pouts.

"I know, kid. Do you remember what I told you?"

She nods, and I slowly pull away. She holds her thumb tightly in her trembling fist and rubs her knuckles up and down her thigh. She grips the side of her car seat the best she could with her wounded hand. "It really, really itches." Her leg continues to twitch.

"I know, kid and I'm so sorry." It must be truly bad if it woke her from her sleep. "Imma try something, okay?"

She nods, and I grab her ankles, not hard enough to hurt her, but hard enough to smoother the urge to itch. She takes deep breaths.

"Do I need to pull over?" Alvarez asks, her soft voice thick with worry.

"Agnes?"

"No," she answers in a whisper.

"Is this helping?" I ask. She nods and drops her hands on her lap, sinking into her seat. With my free hand, I brush her bangs to the side. "Does it still itch?"

"I wanna lie down," she gives me large, puppy dog eyes and pucks out her bottom lip.

"You can't, sweetie." I nearly cave in.

"Will, please?"

"It's dangerous." Her big eyes tighten on me and I turn to Alvarez for help. "Tell her it's dangerous."

"It is," she backs me up. Agnes growls, shutting her eyes, then turns her tiny face away from me. I inhale, hold it as I release her ankle then exhale.

Her first time officially getting mad at me.

"Agnes?" She turns to me with a deep frown. "Why were you quiet before?"

She shrugs, but I know there's more. "They're taking me away again. It can't be like last time, remember?"

I'm speechless. She was trying to brace herself. I want to apologize, that's all I do; hurt her and apologize just to hurt her again. I grab her good hand and gently squeeze it, still speechless.