Fighting For What's Missing

41.

"Sorry for waking you," I tell Robbie as he takes a sip of his coffee. "I should've...I...may have overreacted."

"Oh, you did," he smiles at me, the rim of his mug pressed to his bottom lip. "Honestly, Will, new mothers don't even react like this."

"Okay!" I groan in frustration, running my hands down my face. I need sleep, I'm so fucking exhausted, but Agnes is still sleeping and I can't go to sleep without knowing she's okay. "You gotta give me credit though." I drop my hands to my lap and return Robbie's grin. "I'm not losing my shit right now."

He shrugs. "You're not..."

"Thanks for the hesitation."

He laughs loudly for a second then slams his hand on his mouth, his eyes wide and crazy. "Sorry," he mutter, pulling his hand away.

Leaning back, I poke my head around the corner and see that Agnes is still sleeping and doesn't seem like she'll be awaking any time soon. "You're fine," I assure Robbie.

He sighs in relief. "You know...on our way back to Portland, while you were getting gas, she asked me to go back. She doesn't want Tisha to be alone."

I'm honestly not surprised. And I wouldn't be surprised if Robbie agreed to go back. "Do you want to go back?"

He fixes his eyes on the steam emerging from his mug. His stillness is surprisingly calming to me. "Okay," he breathes. "She doesn't want to leave Tisha alone. It's really upsetting her."

"I'll...talk to her."

Robbie lifts his eyes to meet mine. "I'm serious, Will."

"What do you want me to do? It's just a weekend."

"Jesus, Will," he sighs, shaking his head. I feel my body tense. I hate being talked to like a damn child, especially when that person is a fucking child himself...But I take a deep breath, relaxing a bit. I like Robbie, he's a good kid, and I honestly see him as a member of my unexpected and new family. Agnes shouldn't be the only one I'm controlling my anger for. "Agnes is scared you'll forget about Tisha," Robbie continues, "once she's living with you permanently."

I open my mouth to speak when I hear the air mattress move in the other room. Agnes moves a lot in her sleep, but I have a feeling this is something else. I close my mouth and hold up my finger, indicating for Robbie to hold on, as I get up from my seat.

I enter the living room and- "daddy?" Agnes is sitting up in bed, rubbing her left eye. She yawns then smiles at me as she drops her hand from her face. "Morning, daddy."

I want to be mad at her. I had a whole speech ready, but I can't yell at her. I can't snap at her. "Morning, baby girl." I cross the room to her and kiss her forehead.

She lifts her head and gives me her puppy dog eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You should be. Do you understand what could've happened to you?"

She yawns. "I didn't mean to fall asleep, but even so... I should've told you first. I am sorry, daddy."

I grind my teeth. Why is it so difficult to be mad at her? "Okay," I mutter, pulling her to my chest. "New rule, though-" she nods "-I don't care if I'm asleep or busy, you ask me before even thinking about going outside, you hear me?"

"Yes." She nods again.

Robbie laughs. Agnes and I snap our heads in the direction of his voice. "Sorry," he smiles, leaning on the frame of the doorway.

"Hey, Rob!" Agnes exclaims, drawing away from me to get a back look at Robbie. "What are you doing here? Did you miss us already? Or are you stopping by to say...before you...? Never mind."

She was going to ask about Robbie seeing Tisha.

Robbie glances at me, his brows risen. I expected that look from him. "Your father," he smiles at Agnes. "Loves to overreact. But yes, I do miss y'all." To hide my abrupt grin, I bow my head and kiss the top of Agnes' head. "Well-" he claps, and thanks to the lack of furniture, it echoes loudly "-since we're all up, Imma make pancakes."

I snap my head in his direction. "There's, um...I don't...have any...food." I've never given a fuck about not having any food or furniture, I always told myself that all I really needed was water, so when I moved in here, I didn't rush to make it a home. I should've rushed because...I felt like a failure when I brought Agnes home to nothing. I'm a father now, I should've been more responsible.

Agnes noticed my discomfort and stands up on the air mattress, hugs my head then kisses the top of my head before she pulls away. I smile at her. "Thank you."

"I can go to the store," Robbie says, stepping closer. "Agnes, wanna come?"

"Daddy?" She turns to me, her puppy eyes full of hope.

Before I can answer, Robbie speaks. "He's been up for a while. Maybe he can sleep while we're out."

"Hey-"

"Okay!" Agnes squeals, climbing over me and off the bed.

"Hello?!" I shout as they rush to the stairs. They stop and look back at me like I'm weird. "I'm going."

"Daddy. Sleep," Agnes orders.

"I'm fine. Come here," I hold out my arms, and she runs into them. "I love you."

"I love you too, daddy."

********

We ended up filling the entire cart with food, it was the first time I paid more than twenty dollars on groceries. I wasn't that thrilled about that part. But despite the cost, I'm glad I only had to tell Agnes once to go easy on the junk food and sugar. She makes the whole parenting thing easy. When we got home, we put away the groceries, called Charlie then made waffles-Agnes changed her mind about pancakes. After we ate and cleaned up, I sat Agnes down at the table while Robbie and Charlie talked outside.

"Robbie told you," Agnes smiles.

I'm thrown by how bright she is that it takes me a moment to respond. "He did."

"I only asked him to visit her for the weekend."

"I know," I nod. "But that's not what you're worried about."

She bows her head as she ranks her fingers through her bangs. "What's going to happen to her when I live with you?"

"Agnes," I reach out, pull her hand away from her hair and lift her head so she's looking at me. "I know you're worried about her, but you really shouldn't be. When you leave, she'll get a new foster kid, someone who needs her." I have to act like I'm talking about someone else and not Tisha. "She'll foster them long enough to remind them what love feels like, then they're off to find their true homes."

Agnes grabs my finger and squeezes tightly. There's a sting of happiness when I see her tiny hand wrapped around my finger. She's so small, it's freaking adorable. "She helps kids."

I nod. "Exactly."

"But we will still visit her, right?"

I sigh then lean forward and kiss her head. "Whatever you want."