Fighting For What's Missing

63.

The tea helped, Agnes was knocked out within thirty minutes after finishing her cup. I called Gilly to check on her. She apologized for lying and getting my daughter high. But she did send me videos of her and Agnes and Twyla and two other girls I've never seen or heard of. I felt a little uncomfortable watching a girls' sleepover but it was nice seeing Agnes so goofy and so happy. They were having fun. Agnes was laughing so hard, she turned bright red, and swore multiple times that she was going to pee herself. I thanked Gilly for the reassurance of her safety and the videos and she thanked me for not telling on her.

I still have a few questions about what Agnes said so I called the only person around Agnes' age that I can talk to.

Rob was at my door twelve minutes after I called him.

"I'm scared to ask what's wrong?" He rushes past me and enters my home.

"Shut up..."

"Agnes had her first sleepover then you call me over the next morning, clearly something happened."

"She got high what I'm hoping for is the first time," I rush out. "But that's not why I called you. Agnes asked me if I have ever considered dating again because she's scared of leaving me alone-her words, not mine."

"Whoa," Rob breathes. Then, without looking, falls back and lands on the couch. "When was the last time you had sex?"

I cringe. "What does sex have to do with anything?"

"Because you're a grown man, and let's face it, sex is how relationships start. If you're having sex with someone then maybe you should ask them out."

"Why do I need a girlfriend?"

"I get it-" he sits up and places his hand on his chest "-trust me I do, but Agnes isn't always going to be the center of your world. Let someone else in."

"Doesn't answer my question." I walk over and join him on the couch.

"Okay...say you don't date anyone...say Agnes is so worried about leaving you alone that she doesn't, she ends up staying here with you, forgetting about college and traveling the world altogether." I wince. Agnes is a good person, always putting people before her. If my "loneliness" is truly bothering her then she will stay with me. "But say if she does decide to leave," Rob continues. "You'll be so worried about her, you end up calling her every hour, checking up on her-"

"I'm not that crazy," I growl.

"Doesn't matter. You call her, and she's going to worry." He pauses. "She will worry so much that she can't properly move on anymore."

I shake my head. "I can't...let  her  think  someone's  above  her," I say through my teeth. I glance down to see my hands balled into fists.

"Idiot," he smacks the back of my head. I give him a dirty side look. The pair of balls on him right now-fucking hitting me like that. "Have you told her that yet?"

I shake my head. "I just told myself..."

"She's telling you to meet someone. The last thing she's worried about is you putting someone above her-which is impossible."

"You don't know that. It's different when you talk about it. But what happens when she sees me with someone?"

Rob smiles, bowing his head. "Then talk to her. I'm here for what?-"

"Agnes is stubborn!" I snap.

"Yeah, she is. Exactly like her father. It's terrifying." I chuckle, and he lifts his head to see my grin. "Tell her what you told me. Tell her what you're scared to tell yourself."

That's where I cross the line; I punch his leg, and he groans loudly. "I'm not afraid."

Agnes

I wake up to the sun setting. I should've seen that coming since I drank my tea at eleven in the morning.

Takes me a few minutes to fully wake up, but I eventually do and I'm out of bed, stealing a peek at the setting sun. Then I hurry downstairs-I'm not sure if daddy went to work or not.

"IDIOT!" Daddy's loud and imitating voice booms through the house. I sigh and following his arguing to the kitchen. Daddy and Rob are standing at the table making sandwiches. There's food and plates and ketchup and mayonnaise everywhere. "You missed the bread!" Daddy yells at Rob. "HOW?!" There's a quick beat of silence then we all-daddy, Rob, and me-start cracking up.

Daddy notices me first. "Hey, baby girl," he smiles. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good, thanks." I slip into a seat at the table and lean back, peering over the mess they made. "What...what, um, what happened?"

They both blush in embarrassment. "We were..." Rob starts then turns to daddy for help. He shakes his head and Rob rolls his eyes, turning his head in my direction again. "We were trying to see who can make the biggest and craziest sandwich. It did not go as plan," he playfully frowns and I laugh.

Daddy and Rob share a glance, then daddy nods.

"Okay!" Rob exclaims. "I have to pee." He wipes his hands then hurries upstairs.

"My punishment...?" I ask daddy.

"What? No, Agnes-" he sits down across from me. He opens his mouth to continue but when his eyes land on the mess in front of him, he shuts it. "We really made a mess."

"Yeah," I chuckle, picking up a piece of bread then toss it at him. "Y'all did."

"Agnes." His eyes settle on me again, his tone more firmly than before. "What you said about me dating-"

"I get it," I interrupt. It's starting to annoy me how much he's bringing this up. "You don't feel comfortable dating, I'm sorry I asked."

"Watch the attitude," he growls.

I saw that coming. "I'm sorry," I whisper, bowing my head. There's a heavy pause. The only sound is my unsteady breathing while daddy's glare burning its way into my head. But then he takes a deep breath and the mood lightens. Risking it, I lift my head and meet his gaze again. "I am sorry," I say a little less forced.

He nods. "I never thought of dating because I...can't stand the thought...I don't want you to think I care about someone else more." I can tell by how strained his voice is that that was hard to admit to not just me but to himself too.

"How would I think that?"

His eyes slightly widen. Clearly, I've thrown him off by asking my question. "I...I, um, I don't know." I smile, rising to my feet. "I'm serious!"

"I can see that, daddy, and note that I am too."

"So...talk to me," he begs.

"Do you think I haven't noticed how much you've done for me? How much you do for me? Do you think I forgot all the hell we went through for you to be my real dad? I mean you put up with grandma, for crying out loud, and I know how hard that was for you-and thank you for that-" I don't think I've ever thanked him for that, especially after finding out what Tisha did "-daddy, I wasn't worried about you dating, I was worried about you not letting anyone else in."

"Thank you," he says thoughtfully. "Come here." He reaches across, grabs my hand, and pulls me to him, welcoming me to an embrace.

"I love you, dad." I lean down and kiss his head.