Fighting For What's Missing

64.

William
One year later...

Agnes had decided to travel the world. She and Gilly-yes, Gilly-wanted to start in Alaska.

"Are you sure you have everything?" I ask Agnes as she spins around, scanning what's left of her room.

"I...I think-no, wait!" She shrieks, darting to her bed. She pushes it off the wall, there's a thud sound, and her grin grows as she reaches down and grabs whatever dropped. She pulls out a leather journal. "I got it when you bought me my Polaroid," she tells me. "I'm going to put the photos in here and write notes."

I smile. "Are you ready now?"

She nods slowly, her grin turning warily. "Yeah."

We go downstairs where Rob, Charlie, Paul, and Gilly wait.

I say goodbye to Gilly while Agnes says bye to her uncles and cousins. I glance over to see Rob's fighting tears. When we're done, I notified the girls and the three of us walk outside.

Moving quickly, Gilly grabs and squeezes Agnes' hand before releasing then sort of skips down the path to the car. She climbs into the driver's seat, and Agnes and I slow down to a halt.

"Call me when you reach your hotel," I tell Agnes. "Don't wait till you're settled in, call me when you get there, you hear me?"

"I get it, dad."

"And your location is on on your phone, right? Because you always turn it off when you're using another app." She thinks the only people that know where she is are the people she's with. It's annoying but it makes her uncomfortable having her phone-her phone-know her location, and I don't want my baby uncomfortable.

"No, it's most definitely on. I already checked three times."

"Okay..." I pull her to me and hold her tightly in my embrace. "I love you, Agnes."

"I love you too, daddy," she says, her voice trembling. We stand there for a few moments. I keep reminding myself that she's eighteen now, and she's living her life, her best life, and I promised myself a long time ago that this is what I wanted. I vowed to be a better man so she could be happy. I cleaned up my shit to make sure she lives the life she deserves. And leaving...traveling is what makes her happy, that's all that matters. "Okay," Agnes breathes, pulling away from my embrace. "I'll call you soon?"

I nod. "Soon." She smiles, stepping back. She turns, and I watch her approach the car. She reaches for the door handle then abruptly stops. I take a step forward. What's wrong? Did she forget something?

Agnes, surprisingly light on her feet, spins around-I can see tears pooling in her eyes-runs back and crashes into me. I stumble back at the impact, but regain my balance and hold my daughter.

"I'm only a phone call away, kid," I say softly as I caress her hair.

"It's not the same!" Her hold around my torso tightens and it starts to hurt. But I welcome the pain. "It's not the..." she starts but then cries harder.

I feel a breakdown approaching. I take a deep breath and smoother it. "Agnes, if you miss me or need me, truly need me, then call me, and I'm there."

"What?" She pulls away and attempts to wipe away the tears pouring out of her eyes.

"I don't care where you are in the world, whatever time it is-" I reach up, take her head between my hands and, with the pads of my thumbs, wipe her tears away "-I'll fly out and see you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really," I chuckle. She smiles, but it quickly fades. Her bottom lip begins to tremble and she's crying again. "Baby girl," I breathe, pulling me to my chest. I begin to slip and my eyes well. I shut my eyes tightly and hold my daughter closer. Tisha had saved enough money, and thanks to selling the house, she had a lot more waiting for Agnes. In Tisha's letter, she had asked Agnes to use the money for whatever she wanted-school, housing, animals, fucking plants if Agnes wanted to buy every greenhouse known to man, and that's what Agnes did. This world trip Agnes wants isn't just a month or two then a few months gap between the next trip. Agnes is going to be gone for months, almost a year straight. My baby girl is going to be gone for a year...

It finally hits and I cry hard, sniffing, and Agnes pulls away. "You're crying," she smiles.

"I'm happy for you, Agnes, but this isn't easy for me."

"I'll be okay, daddy." Removing my hand from her arm, she takes it and wraps her fingers around my index finger; a gesture saying that she's always going to be my little girl.

I laugh through my tears. "Yeah, I know," I breathe.

"Okay." She leans forward and pecks my cheek. "I love you, daddy."

"I love you, Agnes." I'm not sure why, but I'm now noticing how forced "I love you too" sounds. Has Agnes ever thought that before?

Agnes takes a deep breath and holds it as she turns and walks away.

"Agnes," I rush out. She stops and faces me again. "I lied before...about the reason why I decided to babysit you...you know all those years ago." She fights a grin and nods. "For a long time I thought the only reason why I agreed to do it was for the money...but it wasn't. You were what's missing."

Her grin breaks through and she's glowing. "I always knew that, daddy. And you did too even though you didn't." We share a small laugh. "I'll see you soon."

"Soon," I promise.

And just like that, once again, she turns and walks away.

Agnes

I wave at my father as Gilly drives away. "How are you feeling?" She whispers.

"I'm not sure...yet." I'm never truly sure of my feelings, especially in situations like this; where the obvious feeling is obvious. I always thought it was because of my depression, but daddy said it's because I'm different, I see the world and things differently.

"Do you still want to do this?"

"What?" I look at her puzzled. "Of course I do. I just wish we had taken baby steps though, instead of leaving for a year all of a sudden."

"We can always come back-"

"No, I...I'm ready." I grab her hand, the hand she always leaves resting on her thigh while she drives.

I'm ready to go out and see more.

I've always been the spending the night at home, watching movies or reading books or playing games or even just sleeping type. But I do want to see the world, and I always thought if daddy could change to take care of me then I can break out of my shell and travel.

Cello! Message from Saturn's Writer...
Not my best ending, I've honestly been struggling with this ending for a while now, but everything comes to an end and here we are.
I can't explain how grateful I am to have you Planets-that's what I'm calling my readers now-as my readers. Y'all are amazing.
I hope this ending is to your satisfaction. If not then I do apologize.
Thank you again and y'all be safe.