Fighting For What's Missing

27.

Agnes
A few days later...

William returned to Portland later that day my mom showed up. The next day, I cried and cried, but not when he called. It's clear to me now that what I said before, about not being sure, was nonsense. A few weeks away from my parents and I've cried a few times, but a day away from William...it's not pretty.

But the good news is William comes today and stays for the weekend.

Tisha hasn't told him about our visit to the doctors yet. I'm not sure if she's scared to tell him or if it's what the doctor said. I have insomnia and the doctor's worried that it might lead to depression-whatever that means. When I asked Tisha about it, she wouldn't answer. When I tried to google it, she put a password on the laptop. I was given pills for sleeping, and even though it's been a night, they seem to be working. It took Tisha almost twenty minutes to wake me up.

"Agnes!" Tisha yells from the living room.

"I'm just washing my face!" I dry my face with a towel, then run out of the bathroom, down the hall, and into the living room where Tisha is waiting alone. I pout. "Where's William?" He should be here already.

"He's running late. Agnes, come here," she pays the seat next to her. When I join her on the couch, she continues. "You know what the doctor said and the pills he gave you?" I nod. "Well, you can't tell Will about it."

"Why can't I tell him? Isn't it a good thing? The pills help me sleep."

"I need to tell him."

I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't, so I do. "Is...is he going to be upset?"

She nods. "But he has a right to know. I'm going to tell him right after he's settled in." Because I don't know what's really going on with me, I wonder why William would be upset and why did Tisha cry when the doctor told us. Would William cry? I hope not. I open my mouth to speak when headlights light their way through the curtains and onto the walls. William.

"Wait until he's settled," Tisha rushes out, and I jump off the couch and hurry to the front door. "Agnes."

"I know. I know. I know!" I exclaim excitedly as I slightly hop around. The headlights suddenly vanish and the room returns to the dim lighting before. I hear two car doors open then close, and my excitement builds. Either Gloria or Robbie's with William. As much as I like Robbie, I hope it's Gloria. I want her and William to be together.

"Another thing, Agnes," Tisha says, approaching me. I didn't even notice her get up. I nod at her. "I want to tell him alone."

I freeze. "Wait, what?"

The door opens and William steps inside. "Agnes!" He picks me up, hugging me tightly. I try to hug, I truly do, but Tisha's words are echoing in my head. Why can't I be there when she tells me? It's about me, I should be able to be there.

William pulls away to look at me. "What, are you tired of me already?"

"No!" I shriek and hug him again. "I've missed you."

"I miss you too." He kisses the side of my head.

"Coming through!" William steps to the side, giving Robbie room to walk through the front with a large bag. "Hey, Agnes," he smiles at me.

"Hi, Rob." I wave at him then rest on my head on William's shoulder.

"Hey, what's wrong?" William places his hand on my cheek. I shake my head. "Do you want to help me put away my clothes?" I nod, and he takes my hand, brings it to his lips, and kisses my knuckles. "Hey, Tisha," he barely nods at Tisha as he walks by.

"Nicer," I whisper.

"Trust me, I am being nicer."

"William..."

"Alright," he sighs. "I'll try harder next time."

*******

"Has...has your..." whatever it is William's trying to say, he's having real trouble getting it out. His voice is strained and everything. I'm sitting at the desk, spinning around in the seat while Will unpacks his bag and refolds his clothes as he puts them away. "Falyn...has she come back here?"

"I don't think so," I shrug, still spinning in my chair.

"Agnes, you're gonna get dizzy."

"I feel fine."

"Agnes..."

"Fine," I press my foot to the floor and stop. Then the dizziness struck. I flatten my body against the chair and shut my eyes.

"Agnes..." William repeats in a distant voice.

"You were right," I sigh.

"Agnes!" He snaps, and my eyes pop open. When I turn to face him, I see that the top drawer to the dresser and William's holding a pill bottle. "You're taking pills to sleep?" I nod. "Tisha took you to see a doctor?" I hesitate then nod again, and he darts for the door.

"William, wait!" I follow him into the hall and grab his arm. "Wait!"

He looks at me. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Well..." I glance around as if the walls surrounding us could help me. I know if I even say Tisha's name, William will snap. "I..." I look up at him and see the anger building in his eyes.

"Tisha!" He barks, jerking away from my hold and stomping down the hall. I follow him down the stairs. "TISHA!" We find Tisha and Robbie sitting in the kitchen. "You took Agnes to the doctors and didn't tell me?!" Tisha's frozen in shock for a moment then looks at me. "No! Don't look at her! I told you-I fucking told you you're not her parent! SHE'S MY KID!"

My eyes widen.

"Agnes," Robbie jumps up from his feet, rushes over to me, and picks me up. "We're gonna wait outside."

William

My chest rapidly rises and falls as my fist tremble at my sides. I'm so fucking pissed, my vision is turning red. How could Tisha do this? She knows she can't make decisions like that without consulting with me first. She knows well enough not to talk to Fayln without me, but not this?

"I knew you would be upset, but this?" Tisha rises to her feet. "Cursing in front of Agnes?"

"I'll apologize for that later, but this-" I slam the pill bottle on the table "-why did you keep this from me? Agnes is eight years old, she shouldn't be taking pills. Do you even know the side effects of them?"

"I was worried, Will, and for good reason too. Agnes has insomnia and the doctors are...positive it will lead to depression."

"What?" I slightly gasp. "No."

"Will-"

"No!" I begin to pace the kitchen. My head begins to spin from all the emotions swirling around in me. I'm so fucking pissed, surprised, hurt, scared shitless, and I'm in denial. Depression? How is that possible?

"Will," Tisha grips my shoulders to stop me from pacing. "I understand you're worried, but how you just reacted might've just thrown Agnes completely off."

"What the hell are you talking about?!" I shove her off me.

"Agnes doesn't mind taking pills-"

"She's eight!"

"It's only been one night, but the bags under her eyes are nearly gone. She had a great day at school. She was literally jumping when she knew you were here." Tisha smiles, and I'm tempted to yell at her. "Sleep, that's all we're trying to give her."

I'm overwhelmed, and tears threaten my eyes. I lower my head so Tisha won't notice. "Okay," I breathe. "I'm...sorry."

"Apologize to Agnes, and not just for cursing."

I roll my eyes even though I know she can't see me. "She's my kid," I mumble as I step around her. But she stops me. Again.

"You should've seen the way Agnes' face light up when you first said that."

I wish I had. I also wish I didn't say it out of anger.