Dear Theodosia: blow us all away (philidosia)

16: Stay Alive (part four)

T/W: abuse and self harm

"How dare you lie to me child!"

Theodosia cowers in the corner of her room, tears running down her cheeks. She swore she would never let this happen again, yet here she is; in the corner crying and cowering.

"The one thing I specifically told you not to do! I told you to stay away from that Hamilton boy and now I find out you've been disobeying me for months!"

"I'm sorry!" Theodosia cries.

"It's too late for apologies now!" Burr raises his hand and strikes her across the cheek.

Theodosia cries out in pain, feeling the sting of the slap. "Why do you do this to me?" she sobs.

"Because this is how you learn your lesson. If you're not going to listen to words, then maybe you'll listen to this."

Theodosia curls up in a ball and sobs as he hits her. She closes her eyes and tries to pretend she's not here. Theodosia wonders what's happening to Philip.

Burr strikes her five times. She can feel bruises forming on her face, her arms and her ribs. When he's done, she lays on the ground, numb and still. Burr watches her sob for a moment then crosses the room over to her. He pulls Theodosia into his arms and rocks her, whispering apologies in her hair.

"I'm sorry for hurting you baby, but this is what had to be done. This is how you will learn your lesson. Don't worry, you'll feel better soon."

Theo feels repulsed by her father, but she's too weak to move away. She's too weak to do anything. She closes her eyes and tries to pretend she's not there. Pretend she can't feel her fathers hands on her. Pretend none of this happened and that she's going to see Philip's smiling face tomorrow.

After rocking her for a few minutes, Burr stands up and carries her over to her bed. He tucks her in and gently kisses her forehead. Theo feels sick. She wants to jerk her head away from him, but she can't move.

Her Father leaves the room and Theo hears the click of the lock as he shuts the door behind him. Theo wants to move, to do something, but she can't. She's useless. Theodosia closes her eyes.

It's been a week. A week since she last saw Philip. In the beginning she held out hope that he would come rescue her, but now it's a week later and she knows he's not coming. Theodosia will never see Philip again.

Theodosia is surprised to feel tears on her cheeks. She's cried so much over the past week, she thought she would have run out of tears by now.

Theo hasn't got out of bed since her father put her there a week ago. She barely eats and drinks. Just enough to keep herself barely alive. She doesn't want to live without Philip, but she doesn't want to die yet. Because what if he comes for her? What if Philip comes and finds Theodosia dead? Theo doesn't want this story to end like Romeo and Juliet.

Her Father has tried to talk to her a few times. She just pretends he's not there.

Theodosia sleeps most of the time. She dreams. She dreams about Philip. And she dreams about her mother. Her mother would have liked Philip. Her mother wouldn't have forced Theo to leave the love of her life. Her mother wouldn't have let her father lay a hand on Theo. If her mom was here, everything would be better. Theodosia wishes her father had died instead of her mother.

She immediately feels guilty for thinking that. Her stomach squeezes with pain. Despite how horrible her father can be, she doesn't want him to die.

The next day, as Theo lays in bed she hears a tapping on the window. She ignores it and closes her eyes.

The tapping is persistent. It won't go away.